That, Lillikoi, was an excellent rant.
I can empathise with you so much on not being able to feel, on not knowing who you are. They push you so hard to be what they want you to be, and forget that you're a real person - you're alive, you have feelings, you need the room and the freedom to be yourself (and work out who that is). I don't know if you're able to access any counselling/therapy (maybe at school?), but if you can then I'd highly recommend it. It doesn't help exactly, in that the problems are still there, but sometimes having the time and the environment to speak and be heard (and get really emotional ) can give you some release. That's my experience, anyway.
My first 2 years at uni, I desperately wanted to drop out. Depression and isolation were destroying me, and I needed to leave, but I was trapped there for fear of my parents' reactions. I believed - I truly believed - that if I dropped out, they would disown me, and I would have nowhere to go. I thought I wouldn't have anywhere to live, I thought nobody in the world would love me or care about me anymore (because they were the only ones who did ). I really thought I had to die; it was the only option I could see, and those thoughts didn't spring into my head for no reason. My upbringing put them there. My parents, particularly my father, put them there. I thought if I wasn't perfect, I'd be dead.
You need to get out of there.
You're already thinking independently, you can see what she's doing is wrong.
How long until your Birthday, will you be able to live where/with whom you like?
Hugs for the (((((Dolphin))))))