My life was a misfire

Post Reply New Topic

agreed with ez basicly its time to sht or get off the pot

...Do you have the difficulties I have? Actually, you don't know what's happening to me at this end, likely. I ignoe, don't respond to, Ezra, for reasons I've spoken about already.
It is...........Uh, more later. Perhaps






ote="mrspock"]agreed with ez basicly its time to sht or get off the pot[/quote]

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...XFG: Yes, pretty much, I was being sorta - " ironic ", if that's the word. That sort of points to my lack of resources/infrastructure, in fact.
Spock: I was not asking you for help.
AO: The last eye doctor appointment had him thinking my eyes were getting better, though it"s still a possibility. With my very mini Al eqyioment - These low-end phone's which #!@+ up...and, regarding my physical state, the CHF water weight (though now inproving) really interfering with me concentrating on anything, and incidentally, my handicapped-ness, and being somewhere that is NOT handicapped-suitable - In the last week, here in this motel, I have twice lost my balance, and fell in the ground! I managed not to hit my head, but ...
The whole " go to Patterson " thing has continued, and now it is literally a couple of days away. I have had to, and wanted to, do a lot of things in preparation for it - it means moving about 69 miles.
In some ways, I haven't gone into details here that I could have gone into.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Anne, I just now lost an entirely finished resone to you and others , it was calm and well-written, and it said a lot.
My cheap equipment, and circumstances and lack of knowledge is itself a MAJOR contributor to things not getting done. It"s banging your head against the wall, to put all this effort into something, and then have it go for nothing .
There's other stuff I said in the lost letter I won't say now, but also, incidentally...in thtwice in is not handicapped-suitable motel set-up, I have twice in the last week lost my balance and fallen on the ground ! I managed not to fall on my head...

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

To AssP: I think I know were you are coming from. You want to go back to school, and feel you need to do so. But it also scares the crap out of you, and you really don't know how to even start.

However, you don't want a definite "This cant be done" result to seal the thing forever.

To AssP: I do think you should give this up, mostly because college is not free and you have no means to pay for it. You are all upset about advantages that other people had and you didn't, but that's reality and its not going to change. Its unlikely that people here can help you in any real way if real world social workers and the like cant.

That said, its your life. I'm not telling you what to do, just telling you what I see and feel.

... Surprisingly enough, I was able to get back in...despite the ban mentioned above . I don't know why, I came in to see if anyone had said anything related to Ford-Kavenaugh . Well, I am back . Maybe my calling attention to it to say it here and they'll bring it back . Maybe not...I have theories as to why they might have reversed it (without notifying me).
I moved, I am in Patterson...but, unfortunately, it looks like this place is NOT viable ...I'll get into the reasons why in a separate line. This phone was HORRIBY! jumping around, as I said, before...Now, it - Perhaps even I? - it working Welk, not jumping around and " correcting " eternally.
May I speak of what a proposed " practical " aim of mine is that uni could prepare me for? I mentioned studying film as an. okay, " not-that-practical " idea.
However, okay okay...I acknowledge that Something That Will Get You A Job needs consideration...Maybe I could minor in something that is in that corner.
Bluntly. if I'm ever, Gid willing, not-homeless enough - I could follow the example of dried-out drunks who work for alcohol ism agencies and ex-H addicts who work for drug agencies - and work for some sort of homeless/Aspire agency. Not paying very much, but...Not as a MSW, oh naah, I'm too old to take umpteen years of courses anyway - but shuffling pa- uh, pixels somewhere or taking care of the video holdings. That realistic enough? Maybe it's be more a part-time job, at my age...a " day gig ", if I do pursue some things that you can make more contacts helping you at s uni than at a board-and-care home .
I am presuming that, especially since my past college loan-ing - decades ago - was minimal, plus whatever " rehab " money I could get - I do think uni could improve my employability, and I don't propose to default on (should I take them) any loans - But I'm old enough that, eeh, if I die before they're paid, bury me face down and try to collect it from my flapping pink ass, so to speak. I do think a uni situation could lead to contactd - and, yes, KK sort of had it: Educationally, I'd like to be able to read and hear about stuff - and not have to semi- apologize for it . Repeating: yes, yes, I'd have to go to cc first. Accepted.
You know (he said, as if justifying it to his mommy or somebody ), the purpose of living on-camous at a uni is to let you concentrate on your studies, not busy yourself with commutes and such. You know, I am handicapped. And I'm slow. I don't have a driver's licence, I haven't had one for a long time, and though I would like to get one again I kind of don't see myself, possibly, ever owning a car. Not enough dosh/duckies .I tend to think - even if maybe ironically - ' I'll emulate those car ownership - denying Millennials, keep my foot in a car with occasional use of a ride-sharing company". As far as getting good grades goes. I might be past my peak of energy - But I think I might be a better writer than mist18-25s. I hope.
You know, this "wild " dream is pretty realistic. I don't really think I'd go to a " big-time " uni (Plus, as I've said here before, I'm aware there's an unwritten " rule " involving cc classes at an adult level to get into uni that essentially limits you to your state and adjacent ones, ruling out 46 or so - And I see s potential uni destination as being maybe a state school or church-affiliated uni in the Pacific Northwest, say (CCs in California tend to emphasize transferability to the University of California and California State University system but I think an old dispute between me and the State of California might rule that out) and, while presumably getting decent grades at a cc, probsably playing on the " improving myself overcoming my obstacles angle ' . Isn't that what college admissions officers want to hear? Is that unrealistic? What else should I do with what remains of my life ? Just wait to die?
Would I be satisfied, on the day that I die, that I did the ' sensible " thing that certain people at EP - who hate me anyway - tell me to do ? Maybe, let's really get silly here, be a Peace Corps/Americorps volunteer after?? uni ( Of course, I was also " realistically " offering that maybe I'd only go to uni, or even any collegr at all, for not the full time - Just a while, either not complete it (maybe dying? - hey, saying it), being " sensible " and taking just a couple years, or completing it off-campus/ehatever ) - I can't quite look like the dude in the Peace Corps brochure with jeans and sandals and open flannel shirt revealing a tee digging a hole - Be s lovable old semi-crip dude ?
This present situation in Patterson is yet again dragging me fown , so I once again can't really pursue it now:-(.
Welk, I've gigantically explained myself, and exposed my heart, wide open, for Certain Persons to sim arrows ( not Cupid's) at .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I think the reason why you've received such opposition to attending college is that you yourself have described a long list of things that would make it impossible. This is the first upbeat type post I've ever seen you make regarding the subject. As far as housing goes, aren't there more affordable places in Patterson than a motel in Santa Cruz?

Ok then I think the question remains if you are in fact going to do this whats the hold up if you have your transcripts?

I mean what more do you need, with the understanding that people here probably cant give you money, cant fill out forms for you, cant attend meetings for you or with you, cant drive you places, etc, etc, the list goes on.

Also, if you had stuff in storage in Santa Cruz, what happened to that?