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Dragnet
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18 Nov 2017, 4:34 am

cathylynn wrote:
please call for help. it's not impossible to get better. most folks with mental illness recover.


You totally cannot recover from what I have seen delusion or no...

Never

I will Never be okay.

All I can do is be a funion!

I am funion, I want to get to worse.

How worse?

Triple f****d with a side of fries please.

We got ourselves a drake raising...

Lets build it quick and tear it down quicker.

I am mildly confused though...

If I was never going to hurt anyone and my delusions knew that and its all BS from the start, why not just leave me be blissfully unaware.

I don't see the point to be honest,

But its a drake...

Why please do what you want to do with this drake quickly...

And kill it.



Dragnet
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18 Nov 2017, 5:26 am

Edit - Nevermind...

I am gonna get myself in a reality of s**t posting stuff like this...

But for those that saw the message...

That is pretty much what I want to do...

I want to leave the Matrix alright...



Edna3362
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18 Nov 2017, 5:48 am

Would a supposedly non stranger I never met and never been at home for more than a decade long would accept me as I'm? :|


If he does, I'd be happier than I already been.

If not… Either me or him would had to leave. I'd volunteer myself even if he's just a non stranger to everyone. I wouldn't please anyone in that aspect ever. :x Not even for acceptance from family.


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Dragnet
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18 Nov 2017, 6:30 am

You know why am I even the target of this s**t?

Why?

Have I not stated a thousand times those that have hurt others?

Have I not made it crystal clear where I saw what was of offense to others? Its a really obvious sour green thing that predates me being an adult.

Why are "they" crawling all over me and not the things I state?

WHY ARE WE NOT ALL OVER THAT s**t...



Dragnet
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18 Nov 2017, 8:01 am

Edit

Sigh...

I am talking to a brick wall and preaching to the very people that want to hurt me.

Why bother?

Why bother breathing.

Just have control over my computer for some privacy...

But its useless fight, they will take control over my computer... and watch me with cameras everywhere and give me drugs and probably implant chips in me and I'll probably just start praising Satan...

Seriously why do I even bother...



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19 Nov 2017, 3:03 pm

Goodbye cruel world :-(



elbowgrease
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22 Nov 2017, 2:26 pm

I am SO TIRED of waiting!
And today I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. And trapped in my current circumstances.
And having a hard time.



crystaltermination
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26 Nov 2017, 8:23 am

My dad basically ruined my younger brother's graduation day on Friday, and I've been brooding about it.
He's been playing up very badly recently. Always has this nice, gentleman's persona in public, but behind closed doors has the capacity to act like a psychopath.
These days it's just so obvious he clearly has some serious mental health issues. Ironic, considering his favourite insult to me is 'loony', though it's rare these days for him to pick me as his victim as I will fight back - I almost feel handling ageing bullies has become my specialty! But I just have no idea what I can do to help mitigate the tantrums he gets.
My mum is constantly on edge around him this time of year. He is emotionally/verbally abusive, and a control freak.
Sigh, I've come to realise, he's like a child that never grew up: he can't bear having the 'attention' taken away from him and placed on someone else (like my brother on his big day!).
He has the most bizarre moodswings that can become genuinely frightening. He can really act like a madman. In this line of thought, if I am a 'loony', well... I damn well know where I got it from! :evil:


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elbowgrease
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28 Nov 2017, 11:30 am

I am SO TIRED of my current situation.
It is just driving me absolutely insane.
I have zero personal space. No isolation.
I'm constantly in a room with twenty other people. With two TV's on. All the time. And I get interrupted all the time. At least daily someone comes up to start talking about some kind of drama at me while I'm right in the middle of something.
It is really taking a toll on me. I can't think clearly. I can't read like this. I can't eat properly. I can't sleep properly. My circadian rhythm is so far out of whack!
I can't work out. I can't play music.
I could measure the drop in my ability to function, in some ways. It's embarrassing.
And I just had to try to say that somewhere.



Edna3362
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29 Nov 2017, 9:51 am

I wish everyone would just stop being vague and stop assuming I know what's in their mind. :x Also I wish that they could just explain or specify, or just admit they couldn't do that either.
Instead of presuming I understand or unconsciously pressure me to pretend that I do understand and they don't have to work out their vague instructions, they should at least try. That would cut waste of time and chances of error short. :x


One sidedness of the majority. Of course they won't try unless it concerns them and their domain. :roll:


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MariaTheFictionkin
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04 Dec 2017, 10:05 am

12/4/2017 – 9:37 AM

My mother really upset me today. She had me go drop off paperwork at the front office in our apartment complex. As I walked over there moaning because of my hatred towards people and being out in public (although the seagulls flying around were nice to look at) the office wasn’t open so I marched all the way back. I made it back into the house and told my mother that the office was still closed, she lashed at me with bitter hate. Yelling at me spouting, “Why didn’t you just leave it in the ******* slot!” The slot which is located outside of the office where some people hand in various paperwork.

I explained to her that I didn’t know, that with all the discussion she had with me beforehand about handing it to the woman at the front desk, I assumed she didn’t want me to just shove that stuff in a slot where people could potentially steal it. There were also moments where my mother would strictly tell me to NOT stick such documents in the slot, so I wanted to make sure before I left the house.

After her continually yelling at me about my “faults” in my actions, she ordered to me to go back in my room, which I did. As I headed back in my mother got up from her desk, stomped across the living room yanked the keys from where I had put them, the packet of work and slammed the door on her way out.

I started to cry, flick my head and body back ‘n forth as if I was psychotic as well as widening my eyes and clenching my death in agony. I threw my box fan across the room as my fiancé/soulbond “imaginary friend” ShadowTheFluffhog attempted to calm me down. This is when I began to write this. It’s been a while since I added something to my…I guess diary of being emotionally abused by my mother. I guess I just get too angry to really have the motivation to write an incident.


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C2V
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04 Dec 2017, 8:53 pm

MariaTheFictionkin wrote:
my fiancé/soulbond “imaginary friend” ShadowTheFluffhog attempted to calm me down.

What's with this?


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MariaTheFictionkin
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04 Dec 2017, 10:12 pm

C2V wrote:
MariaTheFictionkin wrote:
my fiancé/soulbond “imaginary friend” ShadowTheFluffhog attempted to calm me down.

What's with this?


Important Terms

..::All of these definitions are found on various sites across the internet::...

Soulbond: A being (usually from another dimension) who is mentally/spiritually connected to an individual in this world. A soulbond can usually communicate mentally with the soulbonder, and can sometimes “front,” or (with permission) take over the body of the soulbonder and experience this world from the eyes of the soulbonder. Soulbonds may also share energy, emotions and even memories with each other.

Soulbonder: An individual who has a strong, mental/spiritual connection with another soul (usually from another dimension).

Multiverse: The hypothesis that there are an infinite or finite number of universes, some with great differences from our own, others with lesser differences.

Tulpa: A tulpa is an autonomous entity existing within the brain of a “host”. They are distinct from the host in that they possess their own personality, opinions, and actions, which are independent of the host’s, and are conscious entities in that they possess awareness of themselves and the world. A fully-formed tulpa is, or highly resembles to an indistinguishable point, an actual other sentient, sapient being coinhabiting with the host consciousness.
____________________________________________________________

Who is ShadowTheFluffhog?

Shadow is AU (Alternate Universe) version of the canonical Shadow the Hedgehog from the Sonic the Hedgehog series. He's been with me for over 10 years now. There are some pictures I made of him floating around the internet as well as JackTheRadiaution (another soulbond of mine) if you ever decide to search up the name. I have a whole written up biography about him stored in various places as well.

Shadow came to me one day after I had fallen in love with the Shadow the Hedgehog game and the character himself back when I was 13 and became a fan of the Sonic series. He's helped me out of suicidal thoughts and self-harm while I was bullied back in high school. Unlike his canon counterpart, he is mostly quirky and humorous, but also extremely...cruel, evil, violent and a bunch of other things that I cannot say on this site. He's almost like a father-figure and a friend of mine. We consider ourselves to be engaged with one another as we initially plan on getting married when I die assuming based on my belief of non-traditional reincarnation that I will be able to come to his planet once I die.
____________________________________________________________

Soulbonds are like tulpas but are believed to already exist and living on other planets and not created through the mind as some people tend to assume.

Soulbonding is similar to Tulpamancy and many methods used in tulpamancy are also used in soulbonding. Soulbonders like myself typically believe in the concept of the multiverse, where there are infinite planets, universes thus the likelihood of the supernatural and things like fictional characters exist. Most communicate with their 'bonds. These communications typically are performed via telepathy. We bond with these entities and treat them like living breathing individuals. Everyone has different views and experience when it comes to soulbonds and soulbonding. But for me, my soulbonds are like friends and family. They are part of my everyday life. They help me cook, clean, watch movies with me, play games, chat like with any other person. The only difference is that they are not physically here and tend to not be a human. Sort of like having an online friend though they have some advantages including being able to talk to you telepathically, touch you through non-physical means as other such phenomena. This is how I can try to simplify it:

I am a person who believes that fictional characters exist. They live on other planets and I can talk to them through my mind. They are like aliens in a way. I can also see them sometimes and sometimes I can hear their voices as clear as day in my head. It's like a child's dream come true. Being able to communicate with my favorite characters from cartoons, anime and video games. They are real! Even more real than how they are portrayed on television. They have feelings, families, homes just like you and I.
____________________________________________________________

How Society Views This...

Soulbonding and Tulpamancy are not widely accepted in society. It usually leaves people calling those who practice it as delusional, schizophrenic and insane. Some even think it's damaging when someone goes that "extreme" of believing the existence of fictional characters. But most soulbonders benefit a lot of from having that close connection with an otherworldly being. There are communities just for soulbonders and tulpamancers (....although....my experience with those were horrible...)
____________________________________________________________

It's really too complex of a topic to explain in one sitting and I don't know if what I just said made any sense. I'd suggest doing some online research on soulbonding, soulbonds, soulbonders and even tulpas and tulpamancy if you're interested. Though most people who do have explanations of these things explain it in a way which is difficult enough for anyone to completely understand....


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C2V
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05 Dec 2017, 12:45 am

MariaTheFictionkin wrote:
I am a person who believes that fictional characters exist. They live on other planets and I can talk to them through my mind. They are like aliens in a way. I can also see them sometimes and sometimes I can hear their voices as clear as day in my head. It's like a child's dream come true. Being able to communicate with my favorite characters from cartoons, anime and video games. They are real! Even more real than how they are portrayed on television. They have feelings, families, homes just like you and I.
____________________________________________________________

How Society Views This...

Soulbonding and Tulpamancy are not widely accepted in society. It usually leaves people calling those who practice it as delusional, schizophrenic and insane. Some even think it's damaging when someone goes that "extreme" of believing the existence of fictional characters. But most soulbonders benefit a lot of from having that close connection with an otherworldly being. There are communities just for soulbonders and tulpamancers (....although....my experience with those were horrible...)

Ah. Y'know, I do try to be an open-minded person, being that some of my beliefs are a bit atypical and people routinely tell me that equals mental illness (such as being a nonbinary transsexual) so I can understand what it's like if your beliefs are not mainstream ... but as you comment in the "How Society Views This" section - how does this differ from mental illness? Many people with those types of conditions you describe experience things very similar to this - they see and hear people who are not there. To them, their delusions are as real as any flesh and blood person. It it just possible this is all made up? A kind of extreme escapism?
I can understand it being of benefit to the person themselves, as again, many people with mental illnesses are actually comforted by the presence of their hallucinations, but yes, most people would consider this to be damaging. Believing that you are engaged to an imaginary fictional character from another dimension you can only marry when you die may end up being detrimental to forming concrete relationships here, in this life, with other people and animals. Also, if it is related to an illness, trying to validate it as real with some of the theories one finds out there on the internet may actually impede any treatment that could resolve the condition.
The multiverse theory is certainly a feasible one, and many physicists would agree with you on the possibilities of this theory. But right now, it's just that. A theory. It cannot be proven so far. I doubt many people contemplating the theory in terms of physics would claim to be in telepathic communication and in a romantic relationship with a being from such a possible place.
I'm honestly not trying to burn you here or dismiss what you believe outright - I just don't believe it from what I know of the general theory (I have encountered slightly similar, but not quite, beliefs within Pagan spiritual systems) and wonder if there could actually be another explanation.


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ZachGoodwin
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05 Dec 2017, 5:26 pm

Edited



Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 05 Dec 2017, 7:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MariaTheFictionkin
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05 Dec 2017, 6:52 pm

Today...was just....horrible....after a terrible experience I had with my mother...I honestly need to seclude myself from friends and everyone else. So, I'll be going quiet for a couple of days. Recollect thoughts and try to calm down from what happened..

I normally would talk about what happened but I'm still too upset from how my mother treated me earlier to sit and write it out...


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