Rants

Post Reply New Topic

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you.
I hope so, too.

^^and I'm not going anywhere just yet.

Yup, been there too. I was in a shelter for homeless people with special needs for a while and it was just horrible, I ended up (ironically, considering I was homeless) avoiding going back to the place as much as possible. There was drama, accusations always going around of people stealing (which one particular person decided to blame me for, because I didn't immediately get aggressive and attack him for suggesting it), actual stealing, previous tenants turning up and trying to break in, drug abuse, alcohol issues (partially mine, at the time) people spying on me and dobbing me into the case managers because they thought I was on drugs just because I disappeared a lot, and because like you, I have circadian issues in the form of severe delayed sleep phase syndrome which means I'm practically nocturnal. No one respected that.
Not to be negative but when they do eventually get you a transitional or independent place out of the shelter, my advice is to make sure it's not just a transitional accommodation filled with people from that or similar shelters. This happened to me - I ended up in a block of flats filled with people from two other shelters in the city run by the same charity, and though it was an "independent" flat, the drama continued. Constant intrusion by people, constant drug and domestic violence issues going on in the block, lots of prostitution (even though it was against the tenancy agreement) lots of noise and forced socialization, etc.
After anyone has been in a shelter what you need is peace and quiet and space. If you're just around the same subset of people, it doesn't happen. So I hope that doesn't happen for you - but just keep it in mind if they tell you they're putting you somewhere with other people from that or other shelters.
Is there a way you can be away from the overload of the shelter as much as possible? Hang out at libraries or other quiet places during the day, eat out (I used to find out where the "soup kitchens," for lack of a better term for places that provide food for homeless people, and eat there so I wouldn't have to put up with eating at the shelter ans I could stay away longer) or volunteer to take up time, so you're not around the place too much?
All this has probably occurred to you. Just a shoutout that others have been in that tight spot too. I hope they sort if and get you a place, drama free!

Thank you.
Yeah it's been rough for a while now.
I know it won't last forever, and I'm really hopeful that wherever I end up after this will be really, really nice.
The waiting gets pretty unbearable sometimes.

What the **** is wrong with my mother! I so flipping p***** off right now! I tell her that I needed to tell 2 of my teachers that I need until next week to finish my final projects because I'm struggling to finish up the other classes stuff and all she cares is about herself! I’m tired of her narcissistic attitude! Never once does this so-called, mother, ever thinks of anyone other than herself!

“But all children take care of their parents! What’s the matter with you?” Just shut up! Shut up! I’m not doing college for you! Do you know how much I’m struggling with all this anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, hatred towards society and dealing with your ****?! Do you have any respect for me as your own goddamn daughter? No!

Stop saying that I need to finish school, so I can take care of you! Just shut up and go away! I’m so mad right now that I’m about to start crying!

I just want a little plan that I can follow. It is that difficult.

Of course, im just wondering how getting an autistic diagnosis is going to help change your living arrangements.
A thing like that, will stay with you for the rest of your life.

It's already been with me my whole life, and has caused me some pretty serious problems.
Already have a diagnosis, just haven't seen the report yet. And a relevant part of that is, I have a disability. So I qualify for disability (hopefully), and a housing grant. Because I haven't managed to figure any of that out for myself before. Because, I didn't realize anything was wrong before. Really.

F***ING HELL...It's such a pain in the behind to finish these stupid assignments for college. And I still can't shake off what my mother had told me yesterday. It makes me want to cry again as I struggle to remember what I "learned" from courses I've taken years ago at an old college for this stupid degree plan assignment I'm supposed to hand it by tonight.

I hate having such tasks to be completed as if it's required for me to be a wiz at them and I honestly hate college. I can't even enjoy college and learn just for the sake of learning. It's a flipping chore and I'm tired of it and I just want to be done! I'm tired of being penalized for not getting something done to perfection! and I'm tired of that person who calls herself my mother criticizing me for finding college hard. "It's not that hard, stop whining" Shut UP!

I wish my family could get as excited about things as I do.

"Oh, Gwen got a job.... What else is new?"- my mom's reaction to me telling her I got a job.

At least I'm trying. Maybe I have had and failed at a lot of jobs. There is a chance I could be great at this one and keep it for a long time. I wish I felt supported though and I wish I had encouragement that came from more than my imaginary friends and my imaginary significant other.

Apparently, I "embarrass" my mother with the way I look, dress, act, and now where I work. I'm sorry I'm not what she wanted when she decided to have me. She deserves better than me. I love her to pieces, but I don't think she loves me (if she ever even did). I'm her "weird" daughter. The other two are her "normal" ones, even though I believe my older sister is just as messed up as I am, just in a different way.

Do I wish I was never born? No. I am becoming fond of life. Do I wish I were born into a different family? Not really.

Do I wish I could move out and be on my own? Yes please

Maybe I am ungrateful like my family says.

The Silent One, you're not being ungrateful and your mom doesn't deserve better than you. Your mom shouldn't make you feel that way.

Thanks. I definitely have an interesting relationship with her. I feel like I'm on a leash and if I try to get too much freedom from her, she pulls on the "leash" to keep me from moving forward. Yet at the same time, she complains that I'm not making progress. I try my hardest to function, but I do need help sometimes.

Why do people keep asking me if I'm on drugs just because I don't feel like cutting my hair during the winter? My appearance seems pretty immaterial to me but it seems like that's the only thing most people ever notice. I don't remember the last time I went a day without someone asking me what's wrong, and after a while it stops being comforting and becomes foreboding. Like there's something going on with me and I'm the only one who can't see it.

My mother really made me sour when she came home... She got an attitude with me because I didn't offer her to make her food when she walked in the door. I tried to tell her that I was attempting to send her a message asking what she wanted me to make once she got out of work but it had failed to send and I've forgotten to check my messages to see. I made her coffee and walked by the bathroom door next to my room since she was in it.

I told her that I made her coffee and asked if she wanted anything else and then she snapped at me. Giving me this lecture of, "If you wanted to make me something you would've asked me when I waked in the house! Just go in your room!"

She fking needs to make her own goddamn food and strop treating me like a servant who does everything to her standards! I try to do something "nice" for this narcissistic person but she just cr*ps all over ever thing I try to do for her.

This one might not be quite a rant, but.

I just woke up from a recurring dream I've been having where my ex suddenly shows up. Each time I have this dream she goes from being sort-of amicable, to being really nasty, to eventually trying to kill me with a knife or something of that sort, with this really cold, empty look in her eyes. In reality, she was prone to suddenly becoming nasty, but obviously the part where I get attacked isn't real. I guess I wasn't always great, either. We were living together for a couple years, for context here.

Long story short, I broke up with her because we were both clearly stressed out by it, but we said we'd be friends. To be honest at this point I didn't want to break up but I couldn't say anything... whatever. Well, she decided to block me for reasons I'm not wholly clear on, and I was pretty emotionally messed up already from the break up; I hurt myself a lot at that point. Maybe the dream was a reflection of that, in some way.

Well, I've never felt this level of hate for a single person for this long. I'm better now and actually feel like I'm making some sort of progress with my life again - I'm a smart guy and I really like that I can finally apply that productively again - but goddamn my mind will not let this rest even though it's been three years. I guess it makes sense because she was the only person I've ever really spoken to in-depth or felt a connection with at all, outside of the internet. I just want to forget it and accept she's never going to make contact again, but then I wake up from these dreams early in the morning, and can't sleep through a combination of hate and paranoia. URGHHH JUST GO AWAY

Talking of paranoia, does anybody else experience that thing where a dream makes you distrust people in reality? Changes your impression of someone you already know (or knew, in this case)? I don't think that I'm going to be particularly friendly to anybody today, because this dream makes me distrust everybody, every time I have it.