Rants

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I find two-faced people and their threats/mind games confusing.
I always contact lawyer and family as I don’t know how to make sense of it.
If it was just me and him whatever but it always involves KIDS.

I don’t mind violence I would rather get beaten up than this. Can never think straight just when things are settling the confusing manipulation and lies happen.

I always want to give him the benefit of the doubt ie ‘maybe he meant this ...’ or ‘maybe I did something wrong.’ Etc but it has always been real bad intent in the past so I know logically I should not trust or believe or forgive.

But I cannot do that and it’s very very confusing and cannot think straight. Very depressing. Lots of past incidents come up in my mind, and i feel bogged down.

You know what? I was at the exact same position as you 2 years ago. When I graduated from college and landed my dream job, I quit on the first day because social anxiety kicked in. Since then, in a course of TWO YEARS, I kept on looking for jobs. I was attending interviews every one or two days. I did received jobs offers but will either turn them down or land the job than quit within a week.

I'd just cuddle up in my bed, punch myself and cry every time I messed up, and that's like 4 to 5 days a week. This went on for two entire years. I cried everyday while sending out application letters, feeling like trash and worrying about using up my savings from school.

Things started to take a turn when I decided to work as a home based freelancer. This is far from being the easiest or best paid job in the world, and to be honest I sometimes feel like a loser, but this is a lot better than worrying about sustaining full time jobs. You may want to consider this if a full time job doesn't work for you.

There are always hope and solutions, please don't give up. Things really do get better as long as you are trying.

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Last edited by MariaTheFictionkin on 24 Jan 2018, 11:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Last edited by MariaTheFictionkin on 24 Jan 2018, 11:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not 100% sure...but believe your mother can claim you on your taxes until your 26th birthday.

I know she can keep you on her health insurance until your 26th birthday.

Sorry, rather not talk about any of this anymore. I deleted those posts. I don't want anyone talking to me about it... I'm logging off for the day. I really, really don't want to talk to anymore right now. I really don't...

Last edited by MariaTheFictionkin on 24 Jan 2018, 11:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sorry about that....

Throughout my life I have been having to deal with people who assume a whole bunch of things about me, never ASK, and then I end up looking like a bad guy for things that had people asked or expressed to me about something they thought of me they would find out they were wrong!

My mother assumed I didn't want friends, without ever asking me whether I did or not. People assume I don't want to go places only after asking me once, people read a whole bunch of stuff into the things I say or do without ever questioning me about it!

It is getting very annoying that people make an assumption or image of me, roll with it, and then I get in arguments because their image didn't match that of reality!

Edit:I am also annoyed when someone tells me something, I did wrong, AFTER the damage has already been done! I wish people would seriously tell me things before I get too far in and the damage is irreversible! I seem to be having that problem a lot lately!

Lights hurt!! ! Why can noone get that. Everyone has so many f***ing lights everywhere these days I feel constantly f***ing blinded. My whole office building feels like one big light and sound and it's messing up my concentration so badly and AHHHHHH. Worried I am going to shut down at work again cause I can't cope with it all.

Also my gym shuts early on Fridays. Totally messed up my pattern. On weekdays I get to the gym at half 18:45, why the hell are you closing at 8!! ! I cant get an hour in if you add in time for getting changed and now I've said I will leave work early which makes me feel awkward and AUGHHHHHH. I knew all this stuff already but it's annoying me so much I may just change gym. But the lights in my gym arnt too bad, I am worried another ones will be. Ah heck.

Again I left the Pokémon Uranium Discord rooms. This is like what...the 5th time I left...? I knew it was a mistake... God, you don't know how fking mad someone made me! I regret stating that I was a furry... Fking a-holes.... GOD! This is why I hate people and why I can't do chatrooms... It's not like leaving the rooms is going to prevent me from playing and enjoying the game... -tells self- Just look at Jack's pretty lil face... it's going to be fine...

I have too many rants competing in my head right now

My mother asked me if she gave me one of her packs of gum. I answered that I wasn't in the living room to get it and she F*CKING GOT PI**ED OFF AT ME! Told me to stop acting weird and like "that girl" (the bipolar co-worker she makes nasty comments about). She then complained and complained about how only herself and God are the only ones that matter and said that me and everyone else in her life should "f*ck off" (but in a jokingly way and more of a whinny sort of way)

I was in the kitchen when it happened and I wanted to cry. One of my soulbonds, I don't know who, told me that it'll be alright. That there is something wrong with my mother and I didn't do anything wrong.

Even so...I don't like being treated like this... I'm tired of it.

I guess I didn't remember to disable pms again after helping someone on here... I don't really like the advice someone gave me on here through a private message about what things I should say on here. I absolute cannot tolerate being told that I shouldn't talk about certain stuff, especially things that I'm passionate about, if I want to make friends. If that was true, I wouldn't have made the friends that I did or help the few people on here that I can relate to.

I really don't like being told that I shouldn't be open about myself...I really don't... I'm very upset right now... I just want to be left alone.... -sighs- I'm not going to make friends with someone if I cannot be myself (repetitive speech, repetitive speech). I don't even want to hear, "Those things are not part of who you are. You're not going to make friends if you talk about that 'weird stuff'." kind of speech (not saying the person who sent me that pm said that exactly but that's what I took it as). I don't agree with that and I'm not going to pretend to be something that I'm not. Despite whether or not the things I'm into are too "abnormal" isn't going to stop me for being me. There is nothing wrong with the things I like... And I don't want anyone else to feel like they have to hide themselves as much as it hurts to be open to others sometimes...

Yeah, I vent and complain about not feeling comfortable being open about certain things on here but that's not going to change me being open on let's say and adult site or just in general when I feel that it's the right time or whatever. One day, hopefully, I won't care what people think of me.

I went through pain to find people who I can be open to and not feel weird about the things that most would be like "keep that sh*t in the bedroom". I'm not going to stop being myself. No matter how much it hurts.

Again, no one should have to feel like they have to hide themselves.

Made a pretty dramatic verbal blunder a few minutes ago that almost caused me a really, really huge problem. Thankfully it didn't. Was able to get the issue resolved with help from someone else. Still, incredibly frustrating. Leaves me feeling yet again like I need a delegate or something. Someone to either speak for me or help me pick and choose my words (and arguments) a little better. Or to just stop talking and only write instead.

It would've been great if there had been SOME KIND of indicator that several of the fonts available don't translate well when converted to pdf format.

*chants* dont.throw.the.computer

Why do narcissists even exist? Can't they go form a little island somewhere and leave the rest of the population alone?

"I'm a narcissist.. I think I'm fantastic, never wrong, and I love talking down to people. I will ignore all of my deep seated issues for the rest of my life and then die alone, angry and full of regret I refuse to acknowledge. But I'm just soooo much better than other people."

Die now please, we've got enough of you.