Rants

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2/5/2018

My mother wanted me to order Chinese food on the phone. I kept telling her I didn't want to. I get extremely uncomfortable with talking to people, especially verbally on the phone and she made comments like, "How are you going to survive in life?" She then made remarks putting the blame on me for not being able to have something good be delivered to our home...

I'm upset, tired and again, I want to be isolated.

"Grade is an F due to plagiarism."

Ok lady, believe what you want. If I can get out of your class then I will but you better not end up failing me over assumptions and dumb cr*p.

I really don't want to end up failing because of a snarky teacher like this...and I don't want to be busting my a** off trying to appeal to this woman. I'm going to be miserable this semester and I'll have a hard time enjoying my other classes... I will be sending a message to my mentor about this and see if I can get out of the class and join another without it effecting my financial aid. Or even get a tutor. Something to help me deal with this drama in hopes that I can pass this person's class.

I wish I was able to show I was happy without appearing menacing or cynical.

I really want to leave this place. I can't stand making mistakes and being open about myself when I know people are going to judge causing me to go haywire and say things that I shouldn't....

I should've been done with this site from the first time I decided to leave. Why can't I just leave? What the Hell is wrong with me? Why do I keep falling for the temptations in wanting to communicate with others and put myself out there.

"Stop being weird and keep that sick sh*t to yourself" Is all I'm hearing in my head right now. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I really don't know what to do...I just want to leave this site and never come back like I did pretty much everything else. I was so much happier when it was just me and Shadow......

Yesterday, my husband received a letter from the state's Department of Job and Family Services. It said that in order to qualify for medical insurance, he has to send back verification that he may or may not have. And it is all due NEXT WEEK.

Honestly, I am getting SICK of normies having us bend over backwards like this. It's like they either want us to conform to their rules or get penalized for not doing so. And they don't give two f***s that we have autism, and even if they did, I still would feel the whole place is run by ableists. I did not have to jump through this many hoops when I was trying to qualify myself years back. The government did a fine job in picking people who are too "constipated" to even care about us Aspies. I hope bad things happen to them, because my husband and I don't deserve this!

I stopped taking one of my meds that was making me feel bad and making my others not work without my mom knowing. I don't care what happens to me medically if I feel bad emotionally. I know it's wrong but I'm at a loss right now.

On the bright side, a job opened up that I really want. I responded to the craigslist posting, hopefully they will email me back and I get the job. I have a feeling I won't get it though

Maybe I should just go back into studying IT. I have only one year's worth of work left if I want that degree.

Sports commentators:

Put a lid on the political statements. Just concentrate on the competitions.

I'm very over-tired of my life falling apart in chunks.

If all the white supremacists packed themselves into pickup trucks and moved to Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia and other places where similar nationalists fester like boils on a gangrenous ass, I wouldn't complain.

I just wish that these "White Supremacists" would just disappear.

Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, etc., are places of great natural beauty; they don't deserve this crap.

It is beyond my understanding how any human can believe themselves superior to any other human.

And yet I have known ego-freaks who believe themselves superior to all human beings, but that's something else.

I'm probably nuts.
Properly nuts.
Makes no difference if I talk to others or talk to myself.
I'm getting nowhere.
Going nowhere.

I need to get better at not being clever when I shouldn't.

There has been non-stop drama in this place today for the last six hours, and then some. It's really a lot to deal with. I'm so tired of being here. Overwhelmed. And really no way out. Just waiting. Trying not to get my hopes up but also have hope, because I wouldn't have anything else otherwise.
What a nightmare. It's just a giant f___ing nightmare.

This is going to sound depressing so I might as well get it out of the way. I've quit a site I've been on for a longer time than I'd usually spend, knowing I can't get away from the types of people on them. Some are desperate for affection and I know that, for some, they really want to settle and find someone. I know I'm often a solitary recluse, but finding people, to help deal with average stuff helps me to cope.. when coping is no longer a driving force.
I can't understand why I have to be boxed into a corner, like everything else is. I'm not especially committed to people with active motives, as I've always in some at or other, been a sitting target for them.
Also, I have had to cope with personal loss so what have any of them had to deal with. When you look at dedication and offering support for another human being, selflessly, and with just remorse, you don't give your own thoughts a second blink. I'm that selfless. So, for someone off of a tarnished spectacle of a site to tell me they've given me an 'opportunity', they called it, to make some friends, they mean cam buds, can go and take a look at themselves in a pond and then go jump headfirst with the frogs. I was honest with them, to a degree, but tried in vain to hide my feelings, and this is when I've given them the knowledge I have a hopeless condition, (sorry folks) I feel I've witnessed enough sanity to spare them the gift of my overall faculties. They use it to their own advantage then.
Do or did, I like them? Begs to differ, but yes, Do they want to see me in the buff? Yes and I don't want them to, and I have to underline their pompous fact about making friends. I don't need to be told I do, as I am quite sole dependant on myself, not others, despite financially. This is another problem and I don't expect any reason for them to understand. Is it my fault for trying to enter into a foreign long distance arrangement, yes it is. When you cut off ties for a long time, you kind of miss them. Or when having to, is no longer a choice.

Focus jon.

I cant. I don't want to focus. I have an idea, and i want to act on it.

Buy you cant, you're at work, so you must do work.

I dont want to.

You have to, otherwise, you don't get paid.

I need to get paid

Then focus.

I cant!! !