Rants

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"I really miss you"

Oh. Do you???

Is that why you never talk to me?

Is that why you never make plans or even attempt to visit?

Is that why you never showed up for the plans we did make, didn't even call or text to tell me you weren't coming, go silent for months and then text me like nothing happened at all?


Don't insult my f***ing intelligence. I am not stupid. I may be a bit naive, it may have taken me longer to realize that you really just didn't care much, you just wanted to take what you could get, and getting any reciprocity out of you was like pulling teeth. But I'm not stupid and I'm not wasting any more of my time or money on people who won't even try.

I've just received a £60 Fixed Penalty Notice for an alleged traffic offense in a city I have never visited. They have sent me photographic evidence of the alleged offense. Except the vehicle in the photograph isn't mine. They have misread the registration number. A simple ten second check would have showed up their error but they can't be arsed to do that and instead they just send out an intimidating and threatening notice. Tossers.

I'm not even going to rant on about this, because what is the point? Clearly, I'm too good for you and ranting on regardless about how your country is better than mine, or trying to further your accounts course appeal through me is not going to indulge your latest fan mail and come to a better understanding of each other. You're making the situation far worse for yourself, by manifesting a hate trail and, the response is..? No comment.
What it boils down to, is all east end showman on western promenade.. Look at why we're both still single, you with having your hands tied behind your back, and me with no further job prospects. The latter may still happen but it will arrive late in the post with a P60. This is the thing, when you are without hope, the best thing is to not get too sullen about it. I can't see us having a long distance relationship but maybe a friendship will grow.. but I'd hate this thing to get deadwood on us both. You may have to grow a double chin and thicker skin to satisfy us both, and then maybe when the lights go down in your narrow suburbia of dreams, I can be that other early reminder which liberates us both.

I don’t know if this is the right place to say this but I just lost my job and I’m crying in a cab. So that has me a mix bag of annoyance, anger, sadness and freak out since I’ve bills to pay and have no clue how I’m going to do after. I think it’s in another thread where I said I didn’t like this job anymore which is completely true, but I was hanging until I could safely part ways with them. Now I really don’t know what to do, part of me knows and feels everything will be alright since now I have the time to pursue my own thing but I’m really sad about having to tell my parents since they still support me economically (job pay was not enough)

Half of me feels ok and liberated and the other half feels a complete mess and a failure. I don’t know what to do.

Funny enough, yesterday morning I sent an application to a job I would love to do and could perform amazingly. At the same time I’ve been applying and interviewing for about a year and a half with no good response. I’m half hopeful and half pessimistic. I’m so sad right now and feel so stupid. Part of me doesn’t want to tell my parents and close friends but I need to, at least to my parents. I’m also incredibly angry but can’t stop crying in this cab !

It feels like people just automatically hate me, some inherent thing about me and they decide they hate me before I've even given them a reason to.

Everyone is allowed to have their opinions, be exactly how they want to be, some people are even complete and utter as*holes to other people and it's fine, they just go "Oh that's just how they are" and brush it off.

I'm never trying to be an as*hole, I'm just trying to be myself and I never claim or think that I'm not flawed. I can apologize and people will still harp on and on.

It's probably mostly in my head, maybe I'm too sensitive or defensive or something else. But it gets incredibly defeating when most of your interactions with other people end up going badly because someone else got offended by something that was never intended to offend.

f**k my stupid s**t life, I wish I was dead.

I like that you're here.
I wish your pain would depart.

Ever since the Florida shooting, I have been paranoid not because it could have happened where I lived, but because there are NT's around that are willing to ostracize us. The only people who have been there for me are my husband, parents, in-laws, and my two friends who are also on the spectrum. Everyone else don't give a s**t.

I am scared that someday, autistic people will be stripped of their rights. I could hear them now:

Doctors: I'm afraid we don't admit autistics to this hospital. You will have to go elsewhere for medical help.

Realtors: Unfortunately, we can't sell this home to you. Our records show you have autism. We cannot tolerate that.

Animal shelter volunteers: I'm sorry, but I cannot let you adopt that cat. How can we trust you with one if you have autism?

Bosses: Sadly, we can't hire you. Our policy states we cannot hire people with autism. No exceptions.

Believe it or not, I had a teacher in vocational school who targeted me due to my autism. She forced me to join DECA against my will, force-fed me foods I don't like that were used in projects, and almost always rushes me on anything that I work on. She even threatened to put me in a psych ward. Honestly, I am still surprised they let her keep her job.

I had a terrible headache last night. I am shocked that it didn't turn into an aneurysm or hemorrhage and kill me.

I seriously want to die now. Everyone seems to have a much better life than me. My husband loves me less right now.

I heard human euthanasia is legal in Oregon. Thinking of flying there.

Just need to rant about NTs and their need for chit chat and not knowing me the need for solitude. Just need to rant because my NT partner had a talk about how I need girlfriends a girls nite etc. I explained that I prefer to be by myself and he went said its not healthy. I know he is trying to help but spending time with others and chatting is draining unless its online forums. Ditto for chatting at football games. I feel like how can I watch and chat to the others LOl

I called a Suicide Hotline and it was a good thing to do.
Please try it if your thoughts are going that way.

I didn’t know you felt so bad, Claradoon.

There was a time I worked hard and tried having an optimistic view but that perception is fading quick. The world is lonely one infested by opportunistic sharks and the willfully ignorant. Trying to survive it is like sailing a broken ship against an ocean storm filled with heavy currents and no direction. It is vast, empty and meaningless.