I hate this fickle body for having fickle needs, giving me inconsistent ways that screws up executive functioning. Never getting my 'best' for being too needy, too 'sensitive', and expecting me to 'control' this damn thing.
And this isn't exactly in my 'head' or 'belief', I meant this biochemically. Hate it. Really really hate it. Doesn't matter what my mood is either.
What mattered is this stupid roulette in my sleep, and see if I woke up with a win means I get a reliable stuff and good functioning, and a lose means I get various levels of dysfunction.
Doesn't matter how much or what I eat, how long I sleep, or how much enough exercise I did for the day. Or weeks. Or months.
Doesn't matter if I don't eat healthy, if I'm being picky or missing them. Hormones and sleep just screws them.
Doesn't help that I hate human needs in general.
Because my stomach is too sensitive, my sleep is always screwed by some sinuses that had been tormenting me for most of my waking life, and being 'sensitive' in general means small hormonal changes and big impact.
Having a female body doesn't help.
I'm already lucky enough that I'm just 'sensitive and easily change' instead of 'fragile' and 'easily get sick' or 'easily overwhelmed' kinds of sensitive.
I'm already grateful for not being sickly or weak, but this is just stupid.
But then again, my luck already cut itself off from birth -- no different from sparing me from asthma, but still have severe sinusitis that screws most of my life anyway.
But that also means no one would take me seriously -- making that telling anyone would be pointless.