Depression

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Satan affects my thoughts of suicide only to the extent that God allows it. I get the gist of your point but what exactly is "wrong" about suicide? From the subject's point of view that is.

I don't know that God allows it, life (for me) is a test really, it's up to the individual to pass that test. If god interfered in our lives we wouldn't be sitting for a test, you know? This is the 'free will' notion in faith I suppose. Suicide is like walking out of the test, you aint gunna pass. satan is capable of putting thoughts and ideas into people's heads so it may be a matter of mental discipline and just being very firm in rejecting those ideas of suicide, clearly you are entertaining those thoughts and are rather interested in the idea, but satan won't give up as long as he thinks you are the least bit interested, so you'll always be pestered with these thoughts. If you want to treat it as an exercise in mental discipline and being in control of what thoughts you entertain or reject that may be a good idea.

It's not really God you should be cursing but satan. go for it, i laugh at him too.

Mosto, (you can tell me to leave whenever you want or not answer my q's .. but I just want to make some small difference if possible )

So, I want to hear the positive you've found in your day today ??

Have you talked with someone about ALL your feelings about why you are depressed in detail and with an open mind?
It seem's to me that you are holding alot of anger and problems in... as they say... to bottle them up... Talking about the things that make you feel depressed, will take some weight off your shoulders, so to speak.

How does having Aspergers prevent you from having a relationship? Who will guarantee that you WONT have one? I believe that it is possible... who know's it may be with someone who has Aspergers also, who will be able relate to you.

To me you sound as though you have a lot of qualities that you dont see in yourself. You are obviously good at communicating if you work in a call centre... Am I right?

Maybe some sort of volunteer work which involves some sort of communication may be a positive thing for you to do?Even if it's for half a day per week... Perhaps this may open new doors for you, new relationships etc etc.

What are your interests? Dont tell me you dont have any either

I do not believe in human free will. God is in total control. We are not. If right now I wanted to get off this chair, go into the kitchen and have some lemonade, and come back here, unless I have a heart attack in the next few minutes or something, then I'm pretty sure I would be able to. My "will" can be upheld in this case. However, if I wanted to become President of the USA, no matter how sincere and strong my will is, chances are I would not be able. Because I was not born a US citizen, I wouldn't be elected, etc etc. In this case, my will is not free, it is limited. As for life being a test, if life were a test, what are the criteria for passing? Living as long as possible without killing yourself? Giving as much as possible to charity? Winning millions of souls for Jesus? I do not believe that these works bring salvation. It's only by trusting in Jesus death in your place that can bring you salvation

Hearing about Andrew and Nick. Actually that was yesterday. But still the best thing this week
You stress ALL, well no I haven't. That's the major issue. If I discussed in detail what I believe I would be banned from this web site kicked out of church etc etc. Of course when someone asks "what's wrong?" I say the same thing, I have Aspergers, I can't get a girlfriend, etc, and those things are true, but there are other issues that society doesn't accept. I would be viewed worse than a paedophile. I just have to shut up and take it to the grave, in the slim chance I would ever get a wife out of anyone at church
Yes I am bottling all in. But society won't have it any other way
As I have written a bit about in the love and dating section, Aspergers makes it hard to know what will be the response and a lot of fear, can not find a suitable time to ask a girl out. And at church it is 10 times worse than at parties with non-Christian women, because you have had to be around a while, and they all know most Sundays I just sit in my chair crying. I don't want a non-Christian wife anyway, so it limits me. No it doesn't guarantee that I won't have a Christian wife, but how is it going to happen. I am not interested in a wife with Aspergers. Basically apart from the usual reasons to want a spouse, also for me is that basically some aspects of my life I can't handle, and my mum is almost 70, and very soon she won't be around to do things for me that I can't because of Aspergers. So another reason to die
My job is the easiest job ever, and hardly requires any communication skills. You just stick to the script and voilà. I'm much better at communicating online. In person if you ask me questions like this I would stutter, repeat my first few words over and over, and give up and cry
I can barely get out of bed on days when I do have work. This last week the only time I left the house was for church. The rest of the time I sleep, when I wake up stay another few hours in bed, eat cereal, look at this web site, cry and wish I could go back to sleep, watch tv, go back to my room, and so on. I shouted at my mum tonight and she shouted abuse back. We both know there is no point in either of us livingBy interests, I'm sure you're implying that I get some enjoyment out of them, my anhedonia especially recently. But when someone asks me that and I want them to think that I'm normal, I say Playstation games, church, theology, that's about it

So what was the positive news about Andrew and Nick?

If your major issues are about having thoughts where you'd be viewed worse than a paedophile (I'm clueless to what that would be) then clearly you need to talk to a psychiatrist about those issues...Thoughts and actions are two different things... You will never move forward and heal your life unless you talk to a psychiatrist about those thoughts.

Well mosto, can you find a funny video, book or something that will make you laugh? There's a point where life is so absurd, it makes just as much sense to laugh as to cry about it. Crying is good too because it's a stress release.

I would not advise canabis, however perhaps it is noteworthy that I never laughed so much as the 10 years I was high on it. And during that time, I felt very happy.

Mosto wrote: I do not believe in human free will. God is in total control. We are not. If right now I wanted to get off this chair, go into the kitchen and have some lemonade, and come back here, unless I have a heart attack in the next few minutes or something, then I'm pretty sure I would be able to. My "will" can be upheld in this case. However, if I wanted to become President of the USA, no matter how sincere and strong my will is, chances are I would not be able. Because I was not born a US citizen, I wouldn't be elected, etc etc. In this case, my will is not free, it is limited. As for life being a test, if life were a test, what are the criteria for passing? Living as long as possible without killing yourself? Giving as much as possible to charity? Winning millions of souls for Jesus? I do not believe that these works bring salvation. It's only by trusting in Jesus death in your place that can bring you salvation

sure, I only believe in free will in the minor things too, I probably didn't express myself well. The criteria for passing the test imo is something like having an unshakeable faith and staying out of satan's traps, of which there are many - suicide is one of those traps. I do not believe in salvation through works either, it's through faith alone, if you interpreted something in my post as recommending 'works' I only meant it in the sense of fighting off 'the adversary'.

You seem to take the Job position, ie railing against God, which is fine, that's a great story and a great way of looking at these things, that God is controlling of satan - it's just that in my case railing against God didn't achieve anything. I tried that!

I've also had to cultivate an 'unsinkable' sense of myself, which is something I noticed in NTs - they generally bounce back from adversity and always think well of themselves, in some cases too well. Depression can be also be characterised as a 'reality attack', and it can certainly be argued that depressives are more realistic that non-depressives and that 'happiness' is the product of being slightly deluded, both about oneself and the world.

My take on depression is that we have immune systems in our body, including an emotional immune system. A person with a healthy emotional immune system has stable enough brain chemistry to filter out the bad thoughts that cause a person to become depressed. If we get under too much stress or unhappiness for too long, the emotional immune system is destabilised and doesn't do its job any more. Though there are some people who have unstable brain chemistry for physical reasons too.

Mosto,

I just wanted to add that I think it is very sad that you have issues that you think you cannot share with anyone at all... we do not have thought police running around, you are not going to get arrested based on what you are thinking...

I hope you share everything you are feeling with the psych that you are seeing soon... and that you feel some relief to let it out.. then start to get the proper help and healing that you need.

Good luck

Discussing that on a public forum is prohibitedYes I clearly need to, but I don't think I would be able to tell a psychiatrist, or anyone for that manner without seizing up in despair like I am now. The last time I told anyone about this at all was to a counsellor at uni in 1999. She gave me a blank look as if to say "you are scum". I have tried to tell people, pastors, psychologists etc since, but have not been able.
Yes it is very sad. Which is why I want to die thinking about it. The thought police will show up if necessary. The last time I put something honest on the internet, I was in fact arrested, and sent to Cumberland. But if I say something honest again I will never be able to go back to church again. My mum will kick me out of home. I have learnt to shut up. I just want to die. The last time I put something honest on the internet I was incarcerated for eight days. I have taken 2 hours to write this post so far. Only 6.5 days til my psych appointment let's see if I last that long

....
Crying is good, only I do it every day, over every little thing and for no reasonI believe you


My faith in the gospel is pretty sure. I have minor doubts at times, but so do most. Wanting to die is not a sign of a weak faith, nor is suicide. I don't understand the significance with satan's "traps". Dying is best for me
Not in my case eitherTrue, and God designed non-Aspergers people deliberately so for that reason

Mosto

Given that you have already been locked up for your thoughts, psychs would have it all on record anyway ... So they wouldn't be surprised to hear what you have to tell them. This gives you more of a reason to talk about it with them.
A psych has a higher education than that of a councellor, so I would think that the psych is more able to deal with your issues and have probably heard it all before.

You would think so wouldn't you. But such is the incompetence of the NSW health system. The public mental health system exists purely to separate those deemed to be in immediate harms way from harm or themselves. The NSW police use public psychiatric hospitals (I use the term loosely) as a form of punishment for people that they either can't convict or consider prosecuting them by legitimate means a waste of time and resources. I'm surprised no one has googled it by now

See, that's why I can never tell anyone

sinsboldly ? 2PreciousSouls ?

Mosto, I understad what you are saying, but you need to tell the psych either way. That's what YOU are there for, and that is what THEY are there to help you with.

Maybe start by telling them that you understand that (whatever your thoughts) are viewed immoral, but stress that this is why you want to talk about it and tell them that you dont intend to act apon those thoughts... Thoughts and actions are two different things.

Please talk about it to your psych at your next visit... You have nothing to lose, and more to gain. It can't be worse than feeling the way you do.

I don't regard anything said to a shrink as 'confidential'... they talk about clients amongst themselves.

And aren't they required to report some things to the authorities? I know in the US in cases of child abuse (or suspected cases of child abuse), they are required to notify authorities even though that violates confidentiality. And apparently there are different requirements in different states on what does and doesn't have to be reported. I assume Australia has similar laws.

Not saying mosto's done anything that would have to be reported to authorities; just pointing out that doctor-patient confidentiality isn't ironclad. I certainly wouldn't tell a doctor anything I didn't want known about me, especially in an official sense.