Aspergers SUCKS.

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I'm sorry you feel that way.

You can sit around moaning about, or you can learn to accept it, and get your life in order.

Many things suck in life, it's an art to find the bright spots.

To the OP,

It is dark right now.......but take care of your precious self.

My psychologist helps me a lot........maybe a good healer might help you as well....

For it is not AS as such that we grapple with.......it is our tired spirit.

Take care,

Mics

I feel your pain dude i'm going thru that. If i didn't have autism (i say autism because aspergers sounds weird to me) i'd probably be a famous superstar living in Los Angelos by now because i'd have normal social skills (i'd have more friends & more connections in the music industry because of my charisma & charm & i wouldn't be so socially awkward) & could transition life skills better (that means i would be able to know how to move & pack & pay bills & drive a car & travel the world without so much difficulty & hardships) comprehend things better (that means i could've learned every music instrument like that without my autism, but with it it's hard for me to understand anything like i could try with autism but it would take me hours & hours & days & days to understand maybe even years because my thought process & registering is SUPER slow). But yet i don't think i'd be as gifted without it my autism has also gave me gifts & something to write about. So it's my curse & gift. With autism you can't do things like a regular person like you can but it's done A LOT different. Like for me it's hard for me to go to the store or pay bills because i have super anxiety & i get lost really easely i also have the worst memory so things like remembering my house & phone number is hard for me so my grandma gave me a lil keychain with info in it just in case i get lost i could refer to that because i can't remember where i live or phone number sometimes. Sometimes i wish i could turn autism on & off like use it to my advantage for creativity & turn it off when i need to do normal everyday life skills & social skills. I envy the mild AS to me that's not AS your just normal. I have severe AS to where i could barely function at all. I could but every lil thing seems always so much harder. With AS you have to be taught social skills & life skills 20 times more than the average person because you could be taughter over & over & still do the same things wrong. With normal people it seems they already know social skills & life skills.

it indeed does suck, especially since everybody's situation is different
and for many as they get older their circle of friends will get smaller as people move on in life and an AS person will become alienated for one reason or another
and no matter how hard they try(20 times harder) it still is no guarantee of social success

Before now, lots of hopeless people have been blaming everything at all wrong in their life on Aspergers. But this is over the top. No, if you were NT, you'd be just like everyone else. You'd be living in an apartment, maybe a house, perhaps have a family and be scraping a living, just like everyone else. What makes you think you'd be a superstar if you were NT? That's a little presumptuous, doncha think? Were you also aware that NTs aren't automatically charming and charismatic? A great deal of them end up as wash outs, social skills or not.

Sure, you may have things hard. But going around dwelling on your condition and imagining a ridiculous fantasy about what your life would supposedly be like as an NT is not helping one bit.

Exactly right, couldn't have put it better myself!

To quote nupkin (as I have in my signature): "how happy you are depends on how you play the cards in your hand."

Or you could do what I'm thinking of doing. If your AS is a milder case, pick on those with a more severe case.

You're not helping by exaggerating. I have these problems too, in fact I would proffer the notion that I have things worse than you and this may turn out to be the longest post of all time, because I'm totally pissed off right now.



Same here.



Ditto.



Everybody is different and AS can manifest itself in various ways. There may be no positives in your case, I'm also struggling to see any in my case, but some people undeniably gain from it. If you were in fact an 'NT', there is nothing to say that you might not still be miserable.



Nothing about it that would not let you make friends? Are you serious? HELLO, it's a condition characterized by social akwardness! If you're trying to say that it's still POSSIBLE for anyone with AS to make friends, then yes, of course it is. But there is plenty to stop or impede such a thing. Oh and a talent is a 'natural' ablity to do something well, as defined by the dictionary. Thus, you cannot learn a talent.



You are correct in saying that AS does not 'prevent' talent. But it also does not guarantee it.



Lucky you, but not everyone's experience mirrors yours. I'm talentless. You are either very lucky to be good at a multitude of things, or delusional and in fact entirely average at the majority of things. I am neither.



The real me is inherently unlikeable and I don't know how I'd go abotu remedying this. However, people don't get to see the real me because I'm incapable of thinking around other people, my mind blanks and I am simply not capable of being in any way 'me'. Getting 'used' to people doesn't help either and it isn't simply social anxiety, though I do have plkenty of that also. For the record, I believe I have a lot more wrong with me than just AS, but that's the only thing I have an offical diagnosis for. I would like to see a therapist/psychologist or someone of that nature, howeve most know nothing of AS and I fear that any who specialise in it would view my every action and idiosyncrasy as a result of AS, when personally, I believe that there's a lot more going on under the hood so to speak. Not only that, but my aforementioned inability to be myself around other people would prevent any professional from getting to know the real me. I also dislike most people to the point of finding the average person threatening which further complicates the problem, for therapy to work there needs to be an elemnt of trust. Also, my situation needs changing. Most therapy is about dealing with negative thoughts and and setting goals, these things do not work for me. I've tried them. I could go on and on about how complex all this is, but it won't help, so I'll stop there for now.



Well being Jewish, as far as I know, has no effect on your golfing ability. Having AS definitely has an effect on anything social. Making friends comes under that category. Your comparison is ridiculous, though your point, I assume is that it is still 'possible' to make friends, and yes, with this I agree.



Yeah, that's real f*****g helpful. Your advice is DEAL! Of course, why didn't I think of that? It's so simple! All I have to do is deal with my problems and then I'll be happy! In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. The problem is HOW to do this. If I knew how to, then I would.



In my experience, my attitide has changed nothing. My situation is too complicated to be sorted with mere positivity.



I know this comment (and others I've quoted) are not aimed at me personally, but I feel compelled to answer them because I feel similar to the OP and also because I unfortunately only care about myself and thus everything revolves around me. You mention self esteem boosters, but never have I come across anything of the sort in my life. I often wonder if I even have AS, because I fail to relate to many people here. Quite frankly, you lot make me angry most of the time and I refrain from posting because I would only be inflammatory and I'm usually too tired to deal with any repercussion. At some point though, you give up on caring about such triviality. Everyone is constantly badgering people to be honest and truthful. Being a truthful me is not conducive to friend making. Like I said though, I wonder if I have AS, I havea formal diagnosis, but the labels are just there to define a collection of symptoms, which an individual must have SOME of, in order to qualify. We of course know little of how and why AS exists, just as we know little about the human brain in general. I don't feel like I quite fit into the AS category, I seem to share symptoms of shizoid personality disorder, I meet all of the diagnostic criteria except for the fact that do desire a friend. I do in fact have a couple of friends, however I do not enjoy their company. They are not unlikable people, the problem lies with me. I do not crave some traditional friendship, I instead play out best case scenarios in my head and wish for them to be true. I obsess over people who I know little about, being drawn to the mystery, because the reality of someone never seems to match up with the person I create in my head. That said, I've never truly known anyone in real life, as, like I said, my mind ceases to function in the presence of others. I do not have this wish to monologue or to share an interest with others, as is supposedly common with AS.
All my life, even from a very young age, I've suffered from some degree of paranoia, but I don't feel I'm deluded as such. I logically recognise that the probability of my thoughts and feelings in these situations are highly unlikely, perhaps almost impossible, but the feelings will come back. I have the feeling of being watched and have to take action to conceal myself to feel better, even though I basically KNOW I'm not being watched. I have agoraphobia, but I don't have panica attacks as such, I am uncofortable in open spaces, but it is nothing like what many agoraphobics would describe. Perhaps I have it mildly. I also always would consider myself not to be paranoid, I always associated it with obvious delusion, tin hat wearing and the like. I've never believed anything 'crazy', but after taking a personality test and scoring high in paranoia, I came to realise that in fact, I am paranoid and it is not based in delusional thoughts as such, but in inherent feelings, instincts even, that have been with me since birth. Well, I'm rambling, but there is a point to all this. The point is that I do not understand who and what I am.T he point is that I do not easily fit into existing categories, and any attempt to understand me through a list of symptoms, or by comapring me to other people with AS, or with depression and so on, well it's all futile.



This reminds me of a time on the ol' school bus, back in high school when a considerably younger kid, even weedier than me, sat next to me and slapped me in the face. Situations like that are akward, I couldn't intimidate him, he was obviously not afraid of me if he would dare to slap me. I couldn't hit him lightly, that would reinforce the belief that I am too weak to be a threat to him. So the only choices that remain are to go apeshit and smash the little cretin's head through the window (which with have serious ramifications) or to do nothing. Me being physically weak decided to do nothing, as attempting to seriously hurt him would probably fail and cause me much embarassment. My anger does not manifest itself in a fight or flight surge of energy, so all I could really do was ignore him. He quickly got bored and stopped, but when these things happen on a daily basis, it really screws you up. All you can do is pretend not to care, this unfortunately means that you remain an easy target, but perhaps not a wholly satisfying one.

Also reminds me of two dweebs who sat behind me on the bus and started pulling my hair, I wasn't sure which one was doing it (perhaps both). I foolishly snapped and tried to punch one of them, but the seating made this difficult and I'm not sure whether the hit connected. This angered one of the little dweebs however, and he grabbed my hair, pushed my head down and started punching me in the head. This did not hurt me, luckily, but he sure made it look like he was putting a lot of energy into it. Perhaps he was just trying to act tough, either way, it was embarassing to be on the receiving end of, but if I had fought back, I would have either embarassed myself/angered him further, or seriously injured him leaving him feeling genuinely threatened and quite possibly causing him to actually defend himself desprately, who knows what he would have done? He could've froze up, or he could have fought back with an unbridled ferocity and rage. I expect I would have came off worse. He stopped hitting me afer a while though and apologised the next day and didn't mess with me after that, but I just don't know how to deal with things like that. I've no way to judge what my actions will achieve and I can only guess. Always seems like a bit of a no win situation.
People always tell you not to care what other people think, I can only take this literally and not caring would result in making freindships an impossibility. You can't bond with someone who has thoughts and feelings which you do not care about. I can't just pick and choose what to, and what not to care about. Either I go into a room of people and act like no one is there, not giving a damn about what they think and thus not giving a damn about their reactions (be they positive or negative or nil), or I can go in and 'care' and render myself a vegetable because I can't be acting spontaneous and care, because then I'd be blurting out all kinds of stuff that I don't necessarily believe and then still ,no one would KNOW me.



Trouble with me is, I've never really experienced happiness in my life, I passed my driving test first time back in 2005, most people celebrate, or at least feel proud of themselves. I felt relieved that it was done with, but I didn't feel 'good' because of my 'success'. For me, it's not about winning, I'd just like life to end because I can't feel good no matter what I do. I'm not here to fight a battle, I'm just here because I was put here against my will, I never chose life and I never chose death. The only point to living, to me, is to enjoy it. I don't enjoy it, I never really have and so I don't see the point of being here. I keep of going, in search of this elusive happiness, but I'm quickly going insane. I need help, but no one seem to have anything to offer. I'm too weak to kill myself, that's not me putting myself down, just an observation. It takes a lot to override the most basic instinct of survival and take your own life. I'm just stuck and have been for ages. I'm probably going to get an appointment soon for counselling or therapy or something, but I've tried these things before and these people don't ask the right questions, they make huge assumptions and I can't explain to them that they are wrong because, as I said, my mind cannot function in the presence of others, going out to an appointment winds me up and I can't think straight after I've been either, so it gets nowhere. Oh, and calling people lazy is a cop out, some people just don't know what to do. I've been thinking about things for years now, I've gotten nowhere. I can't just 'act'. I can't just 'do'. It's simply not possible for me. I don't have impulses to dictate me and make me act on a whim.



Sure, but it's not just the concious mind, it's my 'inherent nature' that is to blame here, I did not choose this, I have no control over this and to fight it requires energy and strategy and a clear goal as to what I want to achieve. I do not have these things.



If he had what they have, he would not have that condition. His life caused the condition, and perhaps the condition is now causing his life to go further downhill, but I believe that condition is the symptom and not the cause. If he had what they had from the beginning, the condition may never have presented itself.



Life is definitely tortuous for me. I can not avoid things I do not like. I dislike eating, 50% of my meals I struggle through, but unfortunately eating is somewhat madatory, or so I hear. And on the subject of hearing, I have tinnitus, not sure why. I've had it for a year now, most people learn to block out noise after a while, but AS means things like a ticking clock cannot go out of mind, and as it is with tinnitus. When I first got it, I told myself to be calm, after all, most tinnitus goes away by itself, but mine has remained and may be permanent, it makes every night and every morning hell. All day I spend trying to block it out. I can't block it out with white noise or music at night, because I can't sleep with ANY sound, no point replacing one with another. Took me 5 hours to get to sleep a couple of days ago. It's uncomfortable, I feel the sound. I'm going to an ear-nose-throat specialist soon, 5-10 weeks to wait though, f**king NHS. It would be the same if I went to see a counsellor or something. This is my last hope though. I also have perennial rhinitis. Not much you can do about that, I use a nose spray at the moment, third time I've tried it in my life, kept it up for 3 or 4 months so far, not really helping. and I'm not using it forever, has steroids which increase intraocular pressure, not worth risking my eyesight for anything. Makes my voice even worse than that it should be too. Feel the phlegm moving when I lay down, have to keep snorting it back up, can't ever get rid of the stuff. Had this for 8 years I think. I'm constantly trying to fix problems one at a time, have been doing so for years now, but have I managed to fix any? No. Can't deal with them though. Think this is a long post? Make it 500 times longer and that's what goes through my mind each day. I started taking iron supplements recently, to see if it would help anything, been going for a couple of weeks now. I can't swallow pills, so I'm taking medicine, it's foul, tastes like you just licked a rusty lamp post or something. Gets worse each time I take it. What's that about? Everyone constantly tells me that things get better once you get used to them, always seems to be the opposite for me. Only difference so far is that I seem to get cold less often, may just be the weather, who knows? Oh and my poop is black, that's cool. Seems to make my appetite even worse though.



You're a stupid person.

Who are you to say that he is not trying to make the most of it? I've been trying, for a long time, I still am, but it's not going well. The old adage, 'there's only so much you can polish a turd.' applies well here. My life is s**t, it's not easy to switch it to the polar opposite. Especially when you've never been able to find anything in life that makes you happy. I was as positive as I've ever been a few weeks ago, I started trying a bunch of things to help myself, I'm still sticking at 'em, but it ain't working. It's clear to me that whenever I am positive about everything, THAT is when I am deluded because my overly positive expectations never work out. It's not easy to make the most of things, I realise this is an over the top comparison, but, would you have gone to a nazi death camp and told everyone to 'make the most of it'. "Why so glum chum? it's only death, don't let it get you down!" Sometimes the only way to make yourself happy is to change the way you live, rather than just your attitude. I've been trying to make those changes, I need help, I can't get help. I'm cycling through days of extreme tiredness and lethargy and days of high energy mind racing craziness here, but with these I still act the same. Parts of my mind seem independently energised, no cohesion, constant bottlenecks, can't put thoughts together, can't process.



I can't choose to be interested in something, my obsessions are shortlived and often damaging. I basically have adhedonia, always have. I'm angry and upset constantly, I don't enjoy ANYTHING, I don't enjoy eating as I've already said.



Whenever someone is better than you, people say not to compare yourself to others. When someone is worse off, then they encourage you to compare, this is self deceit, delusion, trying to fabricate an inner world where the self cannot see objectively, but artificially draws attention to the good and ignores the bad. All I see is reality. When I look at other worse off, I don't feel better about myself, I feel bad because the fact that others can suffer worse than me is horrifying and only serves to highlight how far down the slope I could still slide. At least comparisons to happy, content people give something to aspire to.



Yes, we've already covered that, of course. Getting your life in order is stated by you as though it is one simple step to be done or not to be done. I appreciate that you are trying to be motivational, but geez, your langauge suggests that it's as easy as flicking a lightswitch, linear paths to simple goals to achieve simple things. Life does not conform to this simplicity. Do your helpful intentions mask your ability to distinguish between taking a single step and embarking on an odyssey? When sanity and insanity co-exist in your mind, then you may tell others to get their life in order. But until then, you can't see the difficulty.



Most people have 'normal' social skills, most people are not superstars. Your statement does not make sense to me. There is no way to know what you would be if you didn't have autism, neither you, nor I can predict this. You are imagining, but don't let yourself believe that this would be the truth, for it could be so many other ways.



By 'everyone' I assume you mean 'like the average person' since we are all different and cannot be like everyone. This is likely, but there is a difference between liklihood and reality. They could be like everyone or they could be be different in other ways. Being an NT does not guarantee normality or living the average life. It guarantees little more than an absence of ASDs.



Considerably easier for the man with 4 aces and a king... or perhaps 5 aces if they're inclined to cheat.



Le'ts hope that this is in jest.

Well, I've covered a lot of ground here but as usual, I've not changed anything at all. I hate me, I hate you all, I hate AS, I hate neurotypicality and I hate life, so suck it!

/cease vent

Welcome to PessimistPlanet, the online resource and community for people who have lost all hope and succumbed to the "I hate life" outlook.

Oh, I'm sorry, this is of course the heaven forum section, where we should all be dressed as angels, merrily swooning to the calming sounds of harp music as we float from cloud to cloud in the midst of intense exctasy... Oh wait, no it's not. It's the HAVEN section, where people who have problems come to let off some steam and search for advice. My mistake, seems I was right in the first place.

Seriously, what do you expect? If you want optimism , then perhaps you should try a different forum section. Maybe one that isn't dedicated entirely to people's problems.

"For those times when you're feeling blue and need to get a little help from your friends. Discuss all those issues that are not covered by the other forums in the Coping in life category."

That's the description of the section. It's more of a support section for personal problems than discussion. How can we provide support if nobody wants it?

Posters: My life sucks!
Others: No it doesn't, you just have the wrong outlook.
Posters: You're wrong! My life sucks! I hate you! I wish I was dead! WAH!! !

Meh.
*Prepares to be flame broiled*

In my case, add "I need to be raped."

I really disagree that aspergers and having no talent go hand in hand. I have aspergers and I do have talents. Some of my talents I did have to work hard to learn. I learned to play the clarinet well after a lot of practice. I started out squeaking on it as a 4th grader. If you want to develop talents, you can. I know that we struggle harder with things, but eventually we all can get results. I eventually got the most improved sophmore award in band, voted by my peers, and an award from my teacher, the same year. I admit it was a bit of a shock to me, I certainly didn't expect it, but it was awesome when it happened. Yes we can struggle more, I admit, I have struggled a lot having aspergers syndrome, but the upside to us, is we are persistant about wanting to learn, wanting to achieve, and wanting to be someone. Our persistance is what is going to win the day. We all eventually will have those things we succeed at. You have to try and not give up on yourself. We all have things that we are good at and not so good at. I am good with singing, dancing and music, I suck at math and social interaction. Even the dancing which I am good at, I figured out right and left as a teenager. I had to be patient while I worked on learning the steps and the directions to go. We are all discovering new things about ourselves and our abilities all the time. Our stages of interests are where our talents start. Disire to learn becomes ability with practice. Not all people have natural talents. You are not expected to be a natural at everything, but you do need to try. You will get somewhere with it eventually.

To the people who say that if the guy with the musical/ singing ability wouldn't be a rockstar, if he was normal, how do we know that? Some people who are famous rockstars are normal, and some talented musicians, stars, are known to have aspergers syndrome and other wierd quirks. It probably would help to be a people person to be dealing with fans though.