Society makes me sick

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NTAndrew
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01 May 2012, 11:02 am

BuyerBeware wrote:

Yes, society f***ing sucks. And AS f***ing sucks. And the way society approaches AS f***ing sucks.

Advice from personal experience, because several times in my life I have identified WAAAAY too much with that album-- THE ONLY SONG ON "THE WALL" YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO IS "OUTSIDE THE WALL." Give that damn thing away and listen to Bob Dylan or Peter, Paul, and Mary or Blind Melon or something. I don't know what, I don't know what you like, but listen to something else. If you have to go dark and metal, give Queensryche a shot. Operation: Mindcrime is a really good album. It's loud and mechanical and angry and I-hate-the-world but at least it's not as depressing as The Wall.

If you have to listen to Pink Floyd, try Dark Side of the Moon instead.

Not Soul Asylum, either. It's not much better.

Funny story, a friend of mine went to a therapist for depression. This therapist provided him with a list of books and movies he SHOULD NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES read or watch. And my friend, being like me, went out and read every book on the list and watched every movie. And you know what? It didn't kill him. Actually sometimes sad, depressing stuff can be kind of cathartic.

The therapist I go to now is this clean-cut yuppie guy who pushes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which I am pretty sure you would hate. So of course I categorize him as Mr. Button down with a wife and a mortgage and 2.5 children. And he is. But he's told me he's read everything Charles Bukowski ever wrote and he is a total metal head. It's funny when this guy talks to these head bangers in my Social Anxiety Disorder group about the bands he listens to. Life is full of surprises.

I used to listen to The Wall a lot. And Wish You Were Here. Hey, you're 22, what are you listening to depressing music from my generation for?

NTAndrew
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01 May 2012, 11:07 am

And yeah sort of, I haven't had anyone give me any feedback about it though because like I said.....I don't really in front of people but yeah the extent is basically I might be listening to music I like and look up the lyrics so I can attempt....but yeah keep in mind its rock and metal for the most part that I listen to.[/quote]

As long as it makes you happy, that is all that matters. You don't have to make a profession out of it. A friend of mine and I write, and he is always complaining that why should he write anything because he can't sell it. I tell him to write anyway, it is the process that is important. I write because I enjoy writing. I wish I could get other people to read it, but, what ya gonna do?

Sweetleaf
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01 May 2012, 11:13 am

NTAndrew wrote:

BuyerBeware wrote:

I have had people suggest to me not to watch depressing movies or listen to depressing music, but sometimes that's all that helps....on some days trying to watch even comedy movies makes me sad because I can't deal with pushing how I feel inside to try and enjoy the movie if I watch something depressing or listen to depressing music it helps me let it out some. But yeah and I just kinda have a darker taste in music.....I don't like that fluff on the top 40 list or whatever.

And Pink Floyd is one of the best bands of all time in my opinion so its hard not to listen to them for a music addict like me.

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EstimatedProphet
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01 May 2012, 11:28 am

NTAndrew wrote:

I totally agree. Sometimes it just helps to know that there are other people out there dealing with the same problems or worse. Whenever I'm feeling particularly depressed I like to watch episodes of No Reservations that were shot in third world countries or other areas of great poverty. To see those people dealing with such greater hardships than I've ever even come close to still able to put a smile on their face and be happy about life really puts things into perspective. Yeah, life is difficult, but a lot of people have it a lot worse and still cherish every day they have and I'm sitting over here whining about things that are just so insignificant in comparison. It doesn't make what I've got to deal with any better, but knowing that it could be a lot worse helps me feel a little better.

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Sweetleaf
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01 May 2012, 11:40 am

EstimatedProphet wrote:

NTAndrew wrote:

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HammorHorror
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01 May 2012, 11:44 am

Id much rather listen to depressing music and watch depressing movies than live in a happy fairyland where i avoid that all. When i'm depressed and watch "light" things, it only makes me feel like i'm distracting myself from the true reality of my situation.

I'd rather not distract myself from what i really feel.

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EstimatedProphet
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01 May 2012, 12:00 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

Totally understandable. At the peak of my depression there's probably nothing that could've really made me feel better. I'm doing a lot better now than I was in my late teens and early 20s, so it's easier for me to find something to cheer me up a little. If somebody would've told me what I just said back then I would've told them that showing me that the world is even more f****d up in other places just gives me more reason to be depressed. Living a few more years and gaining some more experience in the world has changed my outlook a bit and I think that happens with a lot of people dealing with depression. Unfortunately, there are far too many people that don't make it to that point. It's hard as hell, but you've just got to tell yourself that it's going to get better if you can just stick it out.

On a side note, I feel like you would do great in some sort of position where you could help others. Even if you can't find a job helping people, you could give volunteer work a try. You might be surprised at the outcome.

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Sweetleaf
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01 May 2012, 12:59 pm

EstimatedProphet wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Totally understandable. At the peak of my depression there's probably nothing that could've really made me feel better. I'm doing a lot better now than I was in my late teens and early 20s, so it's easier for me to find something to cheer me up a little. If somebody would've told me what I just said back then I would've told them that showing me that the world is even more f**** up in other places just gives me more reason to be depressed. Living a few more years and gaining some more experience in the world has changed my outlook a bit and I think that happens with a lot of people dealing with depression. Unfortunately, there are far too many people that don't make it to that point. It's hard as hell, but you've just got to tell yourself that it's going to get better if you can just stick it out.

Yeah I see what you mean...though in my case I don't see why I should even bother telling myself that, I mean in my opinion its not going to get better regardless of if I stick it out or not. So now I am just trying to find a way to deal with it not getting better. I mean sometimes I wish I could convince myself it will.....but all my experiances in the past indicate if anything things will get worse.

On a side note, I feel like you would do great in some sort of position where you could help others. Even if you can't find a job helping people, you could give volunteer work a try. You might be surprised at the outcome.

Well I'm not sure.....I mean I feel like I can't even help myself so what good would I be to anyone else. I'd be more likely to piss of the people I am helping by coming off as socially akward, reclusive and odd and freaking them out. Me and large groups of people usually does not work out too well.

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EstimatedProphet
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01 May 2012, 1:29 pm

You may think there's no reason to continue living, but you obviously haven't quit searching for one. The fact that you're here talking about it shows that you at least have some hope. Some day in the future you'll look back and be glad you never gave in. You don't have to believe it now, but I reserve the right to say "I told you so" when it finally happens

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EstimatedProphet
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01 May 2012, 1:39 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

I think you're really selling yourself short. You'd be surprised how much you can help somebody by just listening. I find those of us with ASD are especially good at listening to somebody else being emotional about something, process it logically, and then give them a more realistic perspective without all of the emotion involved. This skill can be an immense help and is just one of many that I'm sure you have and are aware of on some level but the depression is just making you discount yourself.

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NTAndrew
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01 May 2012, 2:08 pm

Yeah I'd have to say I have a bit of a different perspective on that.....I mean the fact that others could have it worse, does not do anything to make my situation any better or make me feel any better. I don't mean this in a selfish me, me, me way...but rather yes it is sad that there are people who have it worse and I'll admit its pretty heartwarming to see someone in a worse situation being able to make the best of it and find some enjoyment. But I guess it just does not make my pain any less I mean its not so much I don't want to have a slightly more positive outlook.....but when you have the level of pain I do that seems to overwhelm everything else. So there are the times I want nothing more than to enjoy myself or be there for people I'm close to but am held back by the psychological pain.

But I am glad that helps you some...and I certainly am not saying you're wrong. I just can't seem to see it that way.[/quote]

When I would come to my father with problems when I was a teen or a young adult, he would say "You think you got it bad, I have had to deal with this, that and the other thing..." Didn't really help much.

One thing that has sort of helped me, believe it or not, is seeing death up close and personal. I saw both my parents die after extended illnesses, I've lost co-workers and friends and I have seen celebrities I grew up seeing on television and the movies grow old and die. And I have had the occasional health problem, in which my body has temporarily failed me. All of it puts things in perspective, narrows ones focus. I don't have the existential angst that you are suffering through anymore.

One of my more morbid strategies when I was having a bad day was looking at a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge as seen from the observation deck of the World Trade Center. I'd been up there once a long time ago, so I knew that view well. On that morning on September 11, some people up in that tower were faced with two choices: jump and die, or burn to death. When thinking about a choice like that, getting chewed out by my boss or having to pay a big bill for repairs on my car just didn't seem that bad.

Sweetleaf
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01 May 2012, 2:26 pm

EstimatedProphet wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Well usually I have no idea what I would even say to be supportive or to help, especially IRL......on here I have found I feel I can sometimes give usefull feedback and such but its much easier to type than talk and much easier not to get to emotionally involved with people I probably wont see face to face. Also I am having a hard time dealing with my own pain so I just don't think I have it in me to bear other peoples as well which is what seems to happen.

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Sweetleaf
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01 May 2012, 2:36 pm

NTAndrew wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

When I would come to my father with problems when I was a teen or a young adult, he would say "You think you got it bad, I have had to deal with this, that and the other thing..." Didn't really help much.

Yeah that is the sort of thing my mother said as well more than once, can't say it really helped me much either.

One thing that has sort of helped me, believe it or not, is seeing death up close and personal. I saw both my parents die after extended illnesses, I've lost co-workers and friends and I have seen celebrities I grew up seeing on television and the movies grow old and die. And I have had the occasional health problem, in which my body has temporarily failed me. All of it puts things in perspective, narrows ones focus. I don't have the existential angst that you are suffering through anymore.

Well I have PTSD because a student at my school was shot, I've had relatives die.....pets have died, and of course even some of my favorite musicians have died and I even attempted to. I am not sure what sort of perspective that is supposed to put things in...or what exactly you mean by angst. I mean I feel like anyone in my situation would be frusterated.

One of my more morbid strategies when I was having a bad day was looking at a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge as seen from the observation deck of the World Trade Center. I'd been up there once a long time ago, so I knew that view well. On that morning on September 11, some people up in that tower were faced with two choices: jump and die, or burn to death. When thinking about a choice like that, getting chewed out by my boss or having to pay a big bill for repairs on my car just didn't seem that bad.

Hmm well again, that does not really decrease the pain I feel in any way I can see........I mean yes that would be a terrible choice to have to make, but I already once was faced with what felt like live in constant misery or die. I did not suceed at the choice I made and now it still comes down to that when I am feeling suicidal. Except there is a third option.......kill the pain though one could argue in some ways that is slow suicide.

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EstimatedProphet
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01 May 2012, 2:47 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:

At least with the slow suicide you still have a chance to change your mind at some point. It definitely helped me out, though I'm sure it was also detrimental in other ways. Just remember that moderation is key and always do your research. And whatever you do, never try H. Ever. Seriously, don't ever even let the thought cross your mind. That is one rabbit hole you do not want to go down.

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Sweetleaf
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01 May 2012, 3:33 pm

EstimatedProphet wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

Well I certainly do not plan on that......unfortunatly it has crossed my mind, but obviously so has suicide. But yeah I think I can satisfy myself with cannabis and the occasional vicodin.

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androbot2084
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01 May 2012, 3:51 pm

That was what it was like when I took band in high school. Most of the musicians did not even want to talk with me. I guess it takes a long time to earn other peoples respect. Funny thing was that these same rude people treated me well and were friendly in other classes such as math. I think musicians are rude when they deal with their competitors.

When I write lyrics I am sort of a parakeet. I take an existing song and I improve the lyrics. I dare say I can actually bring out the true meaning of the song. This is because rock stars are so blinded by their wealth that the true meaning of their songs are buried in their subconscious.

Rock Stars are actually too specialized to really know what they are singing about. For example take the Pink Floyd song "Welcome to the Machine". I have modified this song to include a working description of a machine. This is because I know more about how machines work since I am not a musician.

I guess the question will be asked and that is "who am I to sabotage their sacred lyrics". But it all comes down to a willingness to share the art form. These rock poets no doubt were inspired by outside influences yet they are so offended if anyone dares to become inspired and ends up upstaging the original artist.

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