being ugly

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I agree... sometimes these ideals are falsely claimed to be what men want and what women aspire to be...
Besides my ex is worse looking. Dunno what came over me... Probably a bird, a plane, a cloud or a helicopter?
Plus if some of the WP community (myself included) are saying that you don't look ugly, I don't understand why you should look at yourself and say all this stuff about yourself when it is not true.
I think your emphasising too much on looks and appearance.

Last edited by PastFixations on 15 Aug 2012, 8:02 am, edited 1 time in total.

The problem isn't the ideal. The problem isn't even my face. But it's getting harder and harder to think straight about what the problem is. I'm on meds and the things they treat are under control, and maybe I should somehow be happy that I'm alive. Instead I'm unable to sleep and I'm fearful of my own reflection. This feels like some warped version of what life could be.

I feel sick thinking of people looking at me, but there is no getting around it. I have to go fill out endless paperwork for volunteering. To spend all day holding hands and trying to convince people this isn't the end and there will still be happiness and love and opportunities for a really great life. How hypocritical of me to demand others see an endless array of beautiful possibilities when I myself see nothing but a vast emptiness just below the surface.

It's some kind of stillness filling me to the brim that keeps me up at night. I spent hours swimming last night trying to ignore it. It's not the sort of thing that can be so easily pushed aside. I wish it were the crap ideal, impossible goals, something I could explain. Something I could possibly comprehend.

Maybe my brain is just a swirled up mess of s**t because I can never sleep.

I do greatly appreciate all input, it's been such a welcome relief just to talk about these things.

Yeah, we don't give input because we have to but we do because we want to help you out.

Could it be that you feel alone and unloved?
I know how that feels because I didn't feel that attractive but I'm now able to control some of my demons.

I don't know if that's the issue but it's a possibility. I live alone and I like being on my own but at any given moment all I have to do is dial a number to end any sort of lonliness.. I feel loved, not in the romantic sense, though I thoroughly dislike the responsibilities of relationships and I'm in no shape for navigating one of those at this point. I don't feel my physical appearances are all that relevant to my romantic life.

I... ugh. So much stress related to this. Plus I'm working out a move to Montreal, to attend McGill. I have hardly begun planning this out, but the thought does bring me comfort. I do feel alone though, like I can't connect to other people in a real way.

Nah, The Jeez rides for free. He has a lifetime pass.



Sorry, could not resist.

Way to be an unreflective asshat

I don't think you meant to call her dumb, but the way you phrased it sounded like you were referring to her. A typical aspie thing i guess.

Once you figure out life you realize that it is really empty, there is nothing more to figure out, but wait for time to pass and age while doing menial things. I think everyone goes through this at some point in their life and probably part of becoming an adult, even animals do it. But hey there is plenty of things to do and try before kicking the bucket.

Cheer up! My ex wife always thought she was ugly but to me she is and always will be beautiful!
I am sure you are too!

I thought he was referring to me when he asked why I would post my picture on the internet and then stated that it was the second dumbest action humanly possible and then proceeded to discuss it with me as if he had indeed been referring to me. Who was he referring to, then?

That wasn't what I was calling empty, but I wouldn't call that having "figured out life", I'd call that a normal part of childhood/teenage years. Or I assume, if you don't cling to some idea of religion or spirituality that at some point most people determine that life is one big empty stretch of boring, and we just have to try to make it work and stay entertained when we can. I don't know what you mean by "even animals do it" but, I hope you aren't suggesting... say, my dog, is capable of becoming an existentialist? Or a tiger is capable of contemplating the meaning of life? That's a bit of a stretch, you must not mean that, I must be misreading you.

I guess I derailed a bit into existentialism there, maybe what I meant to say is that you also get used to some things that you cant change, like your appearance and being an aspie for example.
Animals I think are fairly intelligent, like animals stuck in a zoo for example, look depressed as they know that they have no freedom and nothing to look up to, I think I've heard they even try suicide?

The general act, not the person doing it.

You know, I think I'll just off the intrawebz completely. No one anywhere seems to be able to react to me without being needlessly hostile.

Try not to take everything too seriously - opinions are like armpits, everyone has 'em and they often stink.

The stronger the opinion one has on a subject, the more it'll rankle the senses of someone who opposes that opinion. There's a few users on here that have EXTREME opinions on their favourite subjects and will gnaw at opposers like a relentless badger until they back down or go away (and it doesn't matter to them that the opposer leaves in disgust - those people usually feel it's a "win" to make someone back down, even if they don't successfully prove their point.)

Stick around... you might miss something cool if you left.