Why keep going when it's pointless?

Page 5 of 11 [ 161 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 11  Next

sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

13 Nov 2015, 11:20 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Also she's really pretty, thin, and think makes more then me as I think she's the lead for her department. All strikes against me.
Sly, those aren't strikes against you, those things are good for you. Since she's clearly interested in you those are all good qualities for her to have.

If she asks you about your college, income, home life, etc, be honest but don't try to sound too bitter or self-deprecating about it. Also don't try to sound too boastful about it. I don't think you're boastful, I just mean don't overcompensate. The two things that scare girls away are lack of confidence and arrogance, that means you must not undersell yourself or oversell yourself.

Remember that a confident guy spends more time complimenting other people than himself. Don't flatter her but if she really is pretty you can probably get away with telling her so. Instead of saying she's thin, you could say she's fit.

Anyway, she's displayed interest in you so the ball is in your court. She's expecting you to make the next move and she won't do it for you. I know NTs can be confusing but in her mind she's already sent you clear signals so if you don't act now, she'll think you're intentionally trying to tell her you're not into her.

Since she's at work you may want to maintain plausible deniability. You should ask her to go somewhere with you after work, cafe, etc. That way your lack of car won't be an issue. I'm guessing your work in town.

Anyway, best of luck to you getting to know her. It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy :)

Or she's just being friendly. Had this happen at my last job girl displayed all the classic flirting, touching, going out of way to say hi, friending on Fb, being playful with me, Etc, but when I tried to ask her out she said she wasn't interested in me. I don't want to repeat that and lose my new job.

There's no food near by it's a strip mall under construction. They took out all the food. There's just a bunch of big retail stores now. I liked it better as a actuall mall.



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,043
Location: Adelaide, Australia

14 Nov 2015, 12:27 am

sly279 wrote:
Had this happen at my last job girl displayed all the classic flirting, touching, going out of way to say hi, friending on Fb, being playful with me, Etc, but when I tried to ask her out she said she wasn't interested in me. I don't want to repeat that and lose my new job.
Did you actually get fired from that?


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

14 Nov 2015, 1:11 am

No but sure made it awkward between us



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,043
Location: Adelaide, Australia

14 Nov 2015, 2:33 am

Yeah that would make it awkward between you. I understand that. At the moment your goals are two fold. To keep your job and to get a girlfriend. You should do anything to pursue your goal of getting a girlfriend so long as it doesn't conflict with the goal of keeping your job.

I know it would be really embarrassing if she said no, I've had it happen to me to. There is no reward without risk so all you can is weigh the risk against the reward. Which is greater, the pain of the humiliation if she says no, or the reward if she says yes and it eventually leads to a lifelong relationship? Which of these two opposing factors is greater?

If she doesn't want to go out with you she'll tell you but it's very unlikely she'll make a case out of it. Some girls can let guys down gently. Things are no longer awkward between me and that girl I asked out at work a year ago. We basically just act normal around me. Just because she didn't want to out with me, that didn't mean she wanted to make me suffer. She hasn't tried to humiliated me or get me in trouble.


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


Amarvilas
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 14 Nov 2015
Age: 35
Posts: 5

14 Nov 2015, 5:16 pm

sly279 wrote:
Girls find guys on bus creepy. They look at me and other guys the. Sit far a way.

So this girl at work says hi whenever she sees me and last week asked me a few questions like if I went to college and what for, then today she and another older coworker came up to me on their way down from the break room(my station is across from the break room) and she was like"we'd like to be friends with you"
To which I instinctively replied why and she said "you're a really cool guy"
I then pretended to try to get her to buy some slippers from my department and she looked at the sizes and said none in my size the. Went down the stairs before we could talk more. She also may look at me during morning meetings but i dont know because I try to not get caught looking at her and there others around me so she could be looking at one of them. I dont know what to make of it, I got anxious. Women don't talk to me or even pay me any attention on account of me not being a real man. :( not sure how to go from here.

Also she's really pretty, thin, and think makes more then me as I think she's the lead for her department. All strikes against me.


No, not strikes against you. She doesn't know you well (or at all, frankly) if those are your only interactions. Maybe she likes you. Maybe she's just a sweetheart of a friendly girl who is kind, outgoing and naturally inclined to chat with everybody. Talk to her smile, see what happens.

I'd also recommend checking your firm's HR policies. When I worked for a smallish branch of a chain department store (15 or so staff at my shop), dating within the store was discouraged (among those at the same level) or forbidden (2 dept heads not allowed to date minions).



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

14 Nov 2015, 9:58 pm

Fb looks like she has a bf as she has a lot of pictures hugging the same guy. Like most of them and I never seen so many fb pictures with two people hugging. :(



RetroGamer87
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,043
Location: Adelaide, Australia

14 Nov 2015, 10:13 pm

Good thing you did some research first. Your search continues.

sly279 wrote:
Girls find guys on bus creepy. They look at me and other guys the. Sit far a way.
Wait, do girls just sit far away from you or far away from guys in general? Do you think there's something in our culture that teaches girls to fear guys in general?


_________________
The days are long, but the years are short


Fox_of_Crutons
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 12 Nov 2015
Posts: 18
Location: Charleston SC

14 Nov 2015, 10:28 pm

Kuraudo777 wrote:
^Um, Kraftie, think about what you just posted: 'invite the chick to a barbecue.' That is either unintentionally terrible or unintentionally hilarious. Does anyone get the joke I just discovered?
Anyway, I know for a fact that all love isn't unrequited!


I get it. I think they were just trying to say invite the person over.
And to get back to the topic it does seam like we go through the motions.
I mean there was one female a few years ago that I think had a crush on me.
I never found out though. She worked a block from where I used to work, so I missed it.
But what I'm trying to say is that you could try and tell the person about your autism, then,
They might actually try and act like a reasonable person around you. In my opinion it's worth a try.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

15 Nov 2015, 1:49 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Good thing you did some research first. Your search continues.
sly279 wrote:
Girls find guys on bus creepy. They look at me and other guys the. Sit far a way.
Wait, do girls just sit far away from you or far away from guys in general? Do you think there's something in our culture that teaches girls to fear guys in general?

Guys in general . Well don't you know half of all guys or more are rapists. And most crimes are committed by guys. Sure sounds like all guys are violent criminals :roll:



Cockroach96
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2015
Age: 28
Posts: 3,162
Location: Romania

15 Nov 2015, 4:38 am

Leave that girl alone.


_________________
I'm a Romanian aspie.


sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

15 Nov 2015, 6:06 pm

Leave her alone 0.o :(
She's the one who bothers me I try to not talk to any coworker and keep to myself.



Fox_of_Crutons
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 12 Nov 2015
Posts: 18
Location: Charleston SC

15 Nov 2015, 6:33 pm

sly279 wrote:
Leave her alone 0.o :(
She's the one who bothers me I try to not talk to any coworker and keep to myself.


I would tell her to stop messing around with you like that.
And if she asks you why, then it's up to you if you want to tell her.
Also it could be that she's just trying to play with your feelings, and stuff.



Cockroach96
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2015
Age: 28
Posts: 3,162
Location: Romania

16 Nov 2015, 2:24 am

Exactly. She's playing with your feelings, sly. And she has a boyfriend. 8O
Tell her to stop messing around.


_________________
I'm a Romanian aspie.


Drawyer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,860
Location: Away

16 Nov 2015, 2:37 am

If she has a boyfriend, then just think her as your male buddy at work as it's going to be harder to avoid her every time..You don't need to make your life more complex when it seems already out of your control..


_________________
"Embrace the glorious mess that you are."


Cockroach96
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2015
Age: 28
Posts: 3,162
Location: Romania

16 Nov 2015, 6:02 am

Make it clear to that girl that you are no more than coworkers and should keep the distance.


_________________
I'm a Romanian aspie.


Rajvilas
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 15 Nov 2015
Age: 33
Posts: 27

16 Nov 2015, 6:22 am

sly279 wrote:
Fb looks like she has a bf as she has a lot of pictures hugging the same guy. Like most of them and I never seen so many fb pictures with two people hugging. :(


Your current thin, pretty coworker sounds like a friendly, outgoing girl who tried to befriend you. I'm not seeing any evil intentions here.

Your previous pretty, you-interpreted-as-flirty coworker may also have been a friendly, outgoing girl who tried to befriend you too. No evil intent. You asked her out, she wasn't interested, the sky didn't fall, you didn't get fired... nothing horrible happened except that you felt awkward !

And you're self-proclaimed bad at reading social cues is maybe why you mistook a friendly girl for a flirty one.

Maybe every cute girl you meet isn't out to get you. Maybe asking one girl out -- how many years ago?!? -- and getting rejected and having nothing bad happen to you.

Maybe everybody doesn't hate you.

Maybe having no dates is the result of never, ever talking to girls and fearing rejection rather than actual rejection!