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auntblabby
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07 Jan 2017, 10:02 pm

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
I think part of what makes me unattractive is the fact that I get bullied a lot and don't know how to stand up for myself. A girl at work invaded my personal space and I just looked at her.

stand your ground. if the other bullygirl invades your space, above all do NOT move. be more stubborn than the other person, they will eventually get the hint.


I'm not sure if this girl in particular is a bully. I was standing behind her so it might've been possible that she didn't notice I was there because when I say excuse me she usually says sorry and also apologizes if she's in the way, bumps into me ect. She could also be gas-lighting though. I sometimes say excuse me when someone invades my space, but sometimes I forget and by the time I think of it it's already too late.

there is also the possibility that this woman is interested in you but can only express it non-verbally and is hoping you will break the ice.



slw1990
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08 Jan 2017, 12:00 am

I don't think so, but it seems like people do this regularly. They do things like wave their hands right in my personal space like I'm not even there. How do you respond to that? I don't know if saying excuse me in every situation like that would work. I hate that I don't know how to stand up for myself. A few years ago I use to think if I dressed nicely and did my hair people would be less likely to bully me and feel sorry for me, but it doesn't always work. I don't know if it's possible to be dateable when you are bullied and mistreated regularly and don't know how to stand up for yourself. I feel like I will just be constantly bullied and picked for the rest of my life and be alone forever. It sometimes makes me not want to live anymore.



auntblabby
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08 Jan 2017, 12:38 am

slw1990 wrote:
I don't think so, but it seems like people do this regularly. They do things like wave their hands right in my personal space like I'm not even there. How do you respond to that? I don't know if saying excuse me in every situation like that would work. I hate that I don't know how to stand up for myself. A few years ago I use to think if I dressed nicely and did my hair people would be less likely to bully me and feel sorry for me, but it doesn't always work. I don't know if it's possible to be dateable when you are bullied and mistreated regularly and don't know how to stand up for yourself. I feel like I will just be constantly bullied and picked for the rest of my life and be alone forever. It sometimes makes me not want to live anymore.

before my official hermithood, I was going through something similar, until my middle age. my dad when I was a kid sussed me out pretty well, he told me I was basically meant to be a monk. it could be that some of us are just not meant for the social world. that was not what I wanted to happen in my life, but as john lennon said, "life is what happens when you've made other plans." so I bided my time until I could go into the final hermit phase of my life, and at least I am no longer people-stressed. I feel for you, you are so young and still have decades ahead of you but you have advantages I lacked, and I believe you will do better than I did, but it will require patience on your part, more discernment, more stepping outside your comfort zone, more stubbornness, more open-ness to unusual experiences. it is a numbers game for people like us who don't share a lot of traits with other people, to make up for that you have little other choice than to put yourself more places more often until the numbers start working in your favor.



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08 Jan 2017, 9:52 pm

auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
I don't think so, but it seems like people do this regularly. They do things like wave their hands right in my personal space like I'm not even there. How do you respond to that? I don't know if saying excuse me in every situation like that would work. I hate that I don't know how to stand up for myself. A few years ago I use to think if I dressed nicely and did my hair people would be less likely to bully me and feel sorry for me, but it doesn't always work. I don't know if it's possible to be dateable when you are bullied and mistreated regularly and don't know how to stand up for yourself. I feel like I will just be constantly bullied and picked for the rest of my life and be alone forever. It sometimes makes me not want to live anymore.

before my official hermithood, I was going through something similar, until my middle age. my dad when I was a kid sussed me out pretty well, he told me I was basically meant to be a monk. it could be that some of us are just not meant for the social world. that was not what I wanted to happen in my life, but as john lennon said, "life is what happens when you've made other plans." so I bided my time until I could go into the final hermit phase of my life, and at least I am no longer people-stressed. I feel for you, you are so young and still have decades ahead of you but you have advantages I lacked, and I believe you will do better than I did, but it will require patience on your part, more discernment, more stepping outside your comfort zone, more stubbornness, more open-ness to unusual experiences. it is a numbers game for people like us who don't share a lot of traits with other people, to make up for that you have little other choice than to put yourself more places more often until the numbers start working in your favor.


My dad can be condescending sometimes too.

I know sometimes I misread situations so maybe I'm not getting bullied as much as I think. Some people have told me that I'm so quiet people forget I'm present.



auntblabby
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08 Jan 2017, 9:55 pm

slw1990 wrote:
My dad can be condescending sometimes too. I know sometimes I misread situations so maybe I'm not getting bullied as much as I think. Some people have told me that I'm so quiet people forget I'm present.

I wish my dad were condescending rather than what he was. but that's water under the bridge, I suppose. it is entirely possible that if you spoke up more at least then you'd find out where people stand.



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08 Jan 2017, 10:07 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.



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08 Jan 2017, 10:14 pm

auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
My dad can be condescending sometimes too. I know sometimes I misread situations so maybe I'm not getting bullied as much as I think. Some people have told me that I'm so quiet people forget I'm present.

I wish my dad were condescending rather than what he was. but that's water under the bridge, I suppose. it is entirely possible that if you spoke up more at least then you'd find out where people stand.


I mean, my dad would sometimes get mad about some of my behaviors and say things like I didn't have any common sense. I don't know if he was intentionally trying to belittle me though because I think he would get frustrated without realizing how bad it sounded. I guess that's being more than condescending, but your dad sounds worse.



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08 Jan 2017, 10:42 pm

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
My dad can be condescending sometimes too. I know sometimes I misread situations so maybe I'm not getting bullied as much as I think. Some people have told me that I'm so quiet people forget I'm present.

I wish my dad were condescending rather than what he was. but that's water under the bridge, I suppose. it is entirely possible that if you spoke up more at least then you'd find out where people stand.


I mean, my dad would sometimes get mad about some of my behaviors and say things like I didn't have any common sense. I don't know if he was intentionally trying to belittle me though because I think he would get frustrated without realizing how bad it sounded. I guess that's being more than condescending, but your dad sounds worse.

my dad gave my older sister nightmares and me the most bizarre Freudian dreams, to this day. sounds to me like your dad was frustrated and spoke aloud what he should have been quiet about. my dad didn't know how to handle me other than to be harsh.



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10 Jan 2017, 4:29 am

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.
Crap just realize I asked the same question TWICE!

No but joining the exercise program sounds like a good idea. The experience itself can be relaxing.



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14 Jan 2017, 12:46 am

Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.
Crap just realize I asked the same question TWICE!

No but joining the exercise program sounds like a good idea. The experience itself can be relaxing.


I might try it, but it seems like other people who are into exercising are competitive. I'm don't mean to sound more negative, but I notice that if I just talk to a guy it seems like other people try to create a distance because they sometimes act rude to me in front of them. I found out about another autism group though.

Also, there are some guys, at least online, who seem to show interest for a little while, but it eventually fades and it's like a pattern. It especially happens when I meet up with someone. I'm usually not very interested in most of the ones I meet on dating sites, but it's something I notice. Then it seems like when I ask for feed back a lot of peoplethink I'm just looking for reassurance. They say that I'm not doing anything wrong and that I just need to be more confident or that these things happen to everyone. It doesn't help me very much. I'm 26 and have never even kissed or cuddled with anyone and people don't seem to understand that. There has to be something about me that people aren't telling me because it happens almost every time.



Last edited by slw1990 on 14 Jan 2017, 1:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

auntblabby
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14 Jan 2017, 12:53 am

^^^^SLW, have you ever thought about taking an improvisation acting class? :idea:



slw1990
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14 Jan 2017, 1:06 am

I haven't.



auntblabby
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14 Jan 2017, 1:35 am

slw1990 wrote:
I haven't.

I have a strong hunch that if you do that, it will tell you what area you are having your functional social deficit.
improv acting is real-time, you have to react authentically in real time in much the same manner as you would in real life. if you have trouble doing this, this then is the area you need to work on, we call it "thinking on one's feet."



Shahunshah
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14 Jan 2017, 3:19 am

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.
Crap just realize I asked the same question TWICE!

No but joining the exercise program sounds like a good idea. The experience itself can be relaxing.


I might try it, but it seems like other people who are into exercising are competitive. I'm don't mean to sound more negative, but I notice that if I just talk to a guy it seems like other people try to create a distance because they sometimes act rude to me in front of them. I found out about another autism group though.

Also, there are some guys, at least online, who seem to show interest for a little while, but it eventually fades and it's like a pattern. It especially happens when I meet up with someone. I'm usually not very interested in most of the ones I meet on dating sites, but it's something I notice. Then it seems like when I ask for feed back a lot of peoplethink I'm just looking for reassurance. They say that I'm not doing anything wrong and that I just need to be more confident or that these things happen to everyone. It doesn't help me very much. I'm 26 and have never even kissed or cuddled with anyone and people don't seem to understand that. There has to be something about me that people aren't telling me because it happens almost every time.
Just my thoughts but maybe it is a good idea to talk to a phycologist about this rather than someone you want to date. The problem is that even when you are just looking for feedback you may come across as unconfident since it can show you are unsure of what impression you are creating. That may make men less likely to want to be around you. Maybe I am wrong but it could show to others that you doubt yourself since the need to ask that question usually comes from someone unsure of how they come across.


It depends. Some people in exercising aren't competitive at all it just depends on who you are around. Two years ago when I was 14 I found that to be case.



slw1990
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14 Jan 2017, 11:49 am

Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.
Crap just realize I asked the same question TWICE!

No but joining the exercise program sounds like a good idea. The experience itself can be relaxing.


I might try it, but it seems like other people who are into exercising are competitive. I'm don't mean to sound more negative, but I notice that if I just talk to a guy it seems like other people try to create a distance because they sometimes act rude to me in front of them. I found out about another autism group though.

Also, there are some guys, at least online, who seem to show interest for a little while, but it eventually fades and it's like a pattern. It especially happens when I meet up with someone. I'm usually not very interested in most of the ones I meet on dating sites, but it's something I notice. Then it seems like when I ask for feed back a lot of peoplethink I'm just looking for reassurance. They say that I'm not doing anything wrong and that I just need to be more confident or that these things happen to everyone. It doesn't help me very much. I'm 26 and have never even kissed or cuddled with anyone and people don't seem to understand that. There has to be something about me that people aren't telling me because it happens almost every time.
Just my thoughts but maybe it is a good idea to talk to a phycologist about this rather than someone you want to date. The problem is that even when you are just looking for feedback you may come across as unconfident since it can show you are unsure of what impression you are creating. That may make men less likely to want to be around you. Maybe I am wrong but it could show to others that you doubt yourself since the need to ask that question usually comes from someone unsure of how they come across.


It depends. Some people in exercising aren't competitive at all it just depends on who you are around. Two years ago when I was 14 I found that to be case.


I don't usually ask that feed back for someone I'm trying to date, but from friends and family members.

I'm not always sure how I come across though because I feel like I get misinterpreted a lot.



slw1990
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15 Jan 2017, 1:31 am

auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
I haven't.

I have a strong hunch that if you do that, it will tell you what area you are having your functional social deficit.
improv acting is real-time, you have to react authentically in real time in much the same manner as you would in real life. if you have trouble doing this, this then is the area you need to work on, we call it "thinking on one's feet."


Yes, I struggle with that if I'm not already prepared. Maybe I could try to look into it.

I might also be joining another adult autism group that helps with learning social skills.