It's pointless.

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I'll let you guys know when I have the energy. Lately remembering to eat has been its' own challenge. I've disengaged from reality to such a degree that I'm just not in the habit of enough human contact to feel OK right now. I'm sure there will eventually be a way to change that but I can't tell what it is for now.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

i wish i could forget to eat, but the ever-present gnawing and gurgling reminds me always.

I wish I could forget coffee & just hug my friends like any other person, I'm just not that person anyway. I dissappear routinely instead of sticking around until I inevitably mess something up. It's not fair to anyone & this nonsense has to stop but there's not much I can say or do about it.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Thank you for posting the Tool video. I enjoyed it, haven't listened to them in a long time.

I'm just going to stay the hell away from people. I get really disgusting vibes from some mods & new members lately.

I'm sick of maintaining the infrastructure of a planet that hates the s**t out of me.

I'm so f*****g far gone man, nobody will ever have a clue & I wouldn't wish it on them.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I haven't been following what's going on, but this makes me sad and concerned. I've always enjoyed your posts in the past. Please stick around.

Sorry you're feeling so low lately. I know the feeling all too well, and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'm sorry it's rough. Wishing you wellness. Be good to you! Get more help if you need it.

(tmi: I'm headed up your way today to meet my ASD counsellor/coach.)

To be honest I'm not sure I'm sufficiently comfortable around people at all.

My friend got laid off yesterday & there's a rumor the same cutbacks could hit my team. I might be relieved either way. I'm more familiar with gambling my entire life than I am with people. I want to jump off a cliff with my skis, repeatedly. I want to pick a really good cliff. I want to learn backflips on my bike.

I guess I'd like to hug somebody but they probably wouldn't enjoy that.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

In my younger years I jumped off cliffs, into water: one bad bruise, another time ruptured ear drums. I think skis are a better idea given a soft landing.

(((cberg)))

I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. It's clear the world wants to keep me at arms length. I can't claim to understand enough about people in any way shape or form. I'm in a grungy mood because when I reconsider how people treat me, they don't seem to want me around at all. Some people just have ASD but mine is clearly at the level of some other heavily sickening disease. Perhaps I've been misdiagnosed many different ways.

I'm really tired of constantly getting it wrong.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos