What’s on your mind? The Haven version.

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It’s a shame we only get one shot at life. Sometimes I feel like everything is wrong. I know just what I’d do to fix it, but it’s too late.

^^^+1

I sometimes avoid the haven until I feel brave enough to look inside and then I can't keep away

Sometimes I find the idea of death comforting, but it’s still frustrating to look back on my life and see the exact day (or whatever) where things went completely off-the-rails and not be able to do anything to fix it. It’s hard for me to grapple with the idea that very small decisions on any given day can have such dire, lifelong consequences.

The elder said I would inherit their house, and they would find a rich wife for me. Hurry up, I can't wait, I want to find a leisurely job and waste all my time on fishing and reading and rocking chairs.

I want another leap of faith.
Like I that time did after a break from school for years due to burnout and then continued it.

But...


How could I?
How can I able to... Will through or ignore internal disruptors without external aide?

I have my inner guide with me.
'He' (yes, I call my conscience a 'he', cause he's like a really old and wise grandpa) can help me whenever I asked.



Am I doing it too soon?

Those leaps are quite a novelty for me; itself has consequential changes.

It usually occurs a year or two after my 7th year of living cycles. Today is within my own 'predicted' timespan of doing so.


Whenever I do it... My world changes.
And I never go back the way it was.

So far it's good.
But... Things usually goes downwards after the 3rd or 4th year after. Things that will never truly go back -- whether it's me or something outside me but is within my concern.

It could be war, it could be a loss of someone close to me, it could be another burnout, it could be an accident and a disaster.


I know it will pass. It always does.
But...


... This is exhausting.
Far from afraid and worried. Just tired.

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Being a grandmother

I want the ignorance of this culture towards working abroad to be abolished. I want them to overcome all that colonial mentality.

That other countries have it's own problems, that not everyone who's born let alone works there are rich or superior or some idiotic belief towards other humans.

That generation is over.
That toxic multiple lazy dependent-sole breadwinner dynamics should be over.

I want people to wake up.
Do better than... 'This'.

This wish of a thought isn't even to my own benefit.

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Nope.

Going into my third day of a listeria infection.

My hair has been so stringy and limp lately and I don't why since I've washing it the same as I always have. Is it climate change? My age? My weight? My diet? The water quality? It just feels like a gross mop, even after I've just washed it. I've also been getting pimple-like sores or bumps on my scalp a lot more.

Welp, the entire world is falling apart so why wouldn't my mind and body be doing it, too?

Try shampoo WITH sulfate. I had the same issue with my hair going limp and feeling dirty, and discovered that sulfate-free was the problem. I also stopped using conditioner.

I need to get out of this town.