Post a random negative fact/belief about yourself/your life.

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I'm the most disliked person I ever met.

I want disasters to happen like our house getting destroyued; does that make me a bad person?

I'm unintelligent, ugly and the world would be better off without me.

negative facts about my life - past and present - (and myself):

1) I made my first suicide attempt at 12

2) I spent almost two years of my adolecence locked up in an NLP 'therapy cult' detention center for girls, where I was verbally abused and psychologically tortured, and was unable to contact anybody to ask for help

3) my mother abandoned me because she 'just didn't like who I am'

4) I got pregnant at 17

5) a forced, involuntary c-section was performed on me at 18 - and my baby was 'born' premature

6) my mother took my baby from me by suing for custody then had his birth certificate altered to change his name and show her as the birth mom - then got a restraining order on me

7) my mother forced me to work from 5-11 doing tv commercials and print ads, and the $60,000 I earned for my college education, she decided to keep for herself instead

8 ) I was pimped out by the dutch mob at 19-20 yrs old

9) while pregnant at 18, I stayed with a man 10 yrs my senior who physically, emotionally, psychologically and sexually abused me

10) at the urging of my mother, I went on my first weight loss diet at 8 yrs old

11) when I was 16, I was anorexic

12) I don't worry about planning for retirement because I figure I will be dead by then

13) I think often about commiting suicide by blowing my brains out with a semi-automatic handgun, (but I don't even have access to a gun so don't worry)

oh, and so much more...

I hate life, but the reason I go on is for the off chance I'll find something worth living for. I just have to keep working at it.

I could never hope to be as evil as nautilus's mother.

I'm not a very good writer.

I've wriiten some poems and also a novel. The poems were OK but not great. The novel is full of hermits and recluses and I don't think anyone's going to read it. It's a hard thing to face up to. I was involved in writer's groups and other writers encouraged my writing because my writing was so odd and interesting. It's only when I showed an extract to a complete stranger that I realised that the world outside of the circle of people I know just wants 'social wallpaper' on a page. People tell me I shouldn't worry because I paint and draw as well. Discovering that all my writing is in some kind of non-social code (or that regular writing has a social code imbedded in it which I can't do) is an awful thing.

It's my birthday and I'm spending it in jail. D:

Cloudchaser,

What's the social code embedded in normal writing? Can you explain?

Also, from experience, opinions vary enormeously from one person to another. Don't base yourself in only a few, or one stranger. And how about writing for Aspies and the unconventional?

I am the most disorganized and least liked out of all my year group.
but, at least I have a sense of humour - except its insane...

Hi Greentea,

> Cloudchaser,

What's the social code embedded in normal writing? Can you explain? <

Well...when I try to read some of the latest novels in the bookshops I find the social context of the character is there above everything else: The character's occupation; status compared to others; where they shop; where they are trying to get to socially; where they are trying to get away from socially.

I don't see as much description of settings as I used to, which is something I used to plug into. The modern idiom is fast and slick and quite often there's very little sense of place. It might be that as most urban environments become the same or similar (the fast food outlet, the cafe-bar) there's no need to describe them - people already know.

I'm amazed how similar the first pages of some novels are to commercials on T.V. - because the impact of the opener has been so heavily worked to market the story.

I think storytelling in the Literature of Autism is different from this. A sense of place and the significance of objects, belongings as a little language of their own is very important. Where we are can show us who we are. In that other social writing who we are is only represented by who we know.

Sorry for the rant.

Well, but if you're aiming at quality, not quantity, then you don't need to write what most people like to read...you can have a specific target reader in mind.

I am not so diligent with character development myself. If I am writing something I have a picture in my head of the place they are in, and I end up describing it a lot- the trees, sky, type of house etc.

Hi Greentea, Hi Zen Mistrss.

Maybe there is an Asperger Press somewhere or some kind of E-publishing for Asperger's. I've searched for them before but I didn't see anything. Something like that would get me focussed for next summer's writing season (I have seasons for things; it's actually a lovely thing to have).

I think my stories might be more literary than popular because I take so long over them.

I have pictures in my head like you do Zen Mistress but I almost never see images of people and instead I see places: rooms, buildings mostly. My characters often appear without families or friends yet are somehow quite happy to be that way. Sometimes fantasy and reality blend in my writing in a dreamlike way and at other times I feel like I'm writing an animation of some kind.

I started a new story recently but after I lost confidence I put it away.

Although I'm middle-aged I'm only semi-independent and join in projects with other art students. I don't do the world really, just the creative life.

I feel that at some point the whole writing thing is going to make sense, but that's how I've felt from the beginning but it just doesn't. That's why my family tell me I have to do my best with painting and drawing and set my writing aside.

I just feel like I am never meant to succeed in anything I do. And it's silly because I let fear stop myself from succeeding... as much as I would love to, I believe that its just not meant to be for me and I need to somehow stop that thinking. It's very difficult to believe in yourself after being told that you were worthless for so many years in childhood. I know its all in the past but not sure how to overcome this.

^That sounds VERY familiar.