My life was a misfire

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...Briefly, I am back in l'hopital now, after - very complicatedly - making my way back from Patterson and bring so tired and exhausted that my CHF was found to have flared up again .I don't know where I'm going go after this .

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I lost another draft ....It's normal, not psych. N I, they@'re not take king my $, and I probably won't be long. I don't know what I'll do after this .
I really seem to be a bundle of symptoms in the medical' eyes, I guess I have kidney failure, COPD, asthma, hypertension, Type 2 diabetes, anemia, and the crippling CHF and the amputated toes . Maybe I'll say more in the newer " Where I am now " thread .........

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

ASS-P forget going to college. You need to look after yourself. No, I'm not attacking you.

...Okay, now a return to THIS subject...the fact that I didn't go to uni and the apparent fact that I DON'T have a " normal " HS alma mater situation where, upon my applying to a college situation, said HS will " send the info out to the apples-to place faster than you can say ' Skinky Dinky Dee ! ' " it just isn't true in my case .
I'm not blesses with that. As has been shown by my experience...it's simply not true with me. I had/have every reason to b wary of " Well, try it ONE more time and THIS time it'll WORK! Hubba hubba! " Basically, anyway, I was asking for help in guaranteeing that the all-important step, if I did it, of getting the HS records sent would work out right. I was asking for help in that unusual, because-I-was-not-blessed-with-a-" normal " situation as regards their availability, matter . Not money or gifts...just help with u tangling my, yes,TLPOP from beureaucra3ic never-never land. But I recei ed such unbridled 'll-the-way HATRED s
from some people regarding this requesg . Why? Even if no one could do it (More later)...

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

I want you to go to college, ASS-P.

I want you to get a good housing situation.

If you brood over your past, and even over people who want to taunt you, you'll never be happy....truly!! !!

...Even if no one could do it here ...Of course, I did get an offer to help .
That was good. Have I moved on it yet. No.
I might offer the excuse that, these last month/s, I have been occupied with:
Finishi g up the really extreme bloating. and being in the hospital loads - Though. remember. I am back in l'hopital now. I sought it out, but in fact, I was, bviously, sick enough to be admitted. Anyway, returning to theseast month/s:
I was, aside from finishing the spending of being in the motel, was finishing up this spending spree of buying lots of (mostly) comics-rekated books and other stuff - Because I saw it as having a bit of a collection, a bookshelf...something to sit and read (listen to, whatever) in a place of my own. Okay, I must stop such heavy buying now...Sometimes I even wonder if I like comics that much anymore ...Buf, anyway, I kind of " gave in " to the entreaties of the hospital social worker and went Ali g with the go up to Patterson project. Well, I found out I couldn't chill out and read up there, there wouldn't be the space for that, and there was the LITERALLY not getting out of the Patterson place 13 days out of 14 I was there...and the one day I did, getting charged $25 in cash for a round shopping trip of a total of 1.4 miles (0.7 miles each way) ...this in addition to apparently $900 a month being charged for general room & board...with breakfasts generally consisting of just a bowl of cereal (+ milk & sugar...obviously??...I mean, that's how breakfast cereal is generally eaten, yes?:oops:), and lunch generally just a white-bread PB&J of baloney sandwich...How not-tok-nutritious - and babyish! More later.

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Baloney sandwiches suck----I'll agree with that. Prison fare.

It...Jumping ahead, guess I will be discharged from l'hopital to-day. I was, sort of, trying to delay it, but. apparently. some sort of shelter thing will be arranged. Alright. I suppose. When I came back, I re-booked the storage space in a Public Storage that I had before (A different space - for the boxes worth of stuff I have. It's really not much in mass - as All I've Got In The World (bar the stuff of Bruh's, which is still in NYS), it literally, when I went up to Patterson, fit into a relatively compact four-seat car where three of the four seats were occupied - meaning that just 1 seats pace + trunk, etc., carried it.
I do have some money, but...well, I'm paying for that storage space! And these phones (whether I buy still another)! !! And I can't really return to the motel, or another one, it was very expensive and the NYS lawyer was saying " At this rate, the money'll begone...'. I guess I'd like to save, if possible. the from-Bruh's departure money as supplemental money for the rest of my life. At least if needed .
It's not my money to leave to anyone, if I died it would go to those - sh***y - cousins who stole my percentage of an inheritance from me, obviously my mother set it up to go to her family and + he said - I'm sure she never anticipated how they'd stab me in the back . Anyway, I think it might be hard to get ad much money from the NYS lawyer as I have Recent - He asked for that hospital social worker I men's phone number, I gave it to him - Perhaps I now see myself as more seen by him as " someone who needs help ", better/worse .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...Briefly...I did get discharged, but (they said that( there was no shelter space in SC, and I'm quite far away now, and I will go back .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

So you spend your welfare money not on shelter clothing food and medicine but on comic books. Im sorry but its easy to see why your life was a misfire.

...So I should have nothing, huh ? The splurge money I referred to WAS NOT SSDI money but extra money that came in after my brother's death! It was a windfall - not " normal " .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

...I'm fully HL to-night, I'm anticipating sleeping outdoors minute - I've been straining my back carrying a couple bags .

_________________
Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
My life destroyed by Thorazine and Mellaril - and rape - and the Psychiatric/Industrial Complex. SOB:-(! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!