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blooiejagwa
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27 Feb 2019, 11:24 am

Someone fix my brain
I want a brain that is not so dizzy and a body that is not always fatigued and emotions that aren’t ruling over reason.


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sidetrack
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01 Mar 2019, 1:56 am

Looking at the family pet: guilt, ennui, incompetence and a reminder a responsibility I would not like to meet for a dog which is picky to please. A creature craving to be active living among fairly sedentary ppl who definitely consistently have concerns to see to which aren't dog related or would find the presence of a dog appealing.

I hate the 'sad look' of her which is so often but authentically 'I don't really care' and find her fairly annoying, a 'living decoration' present b/c of my sister's poor decision-making.

There is a reason why looking into the aesthetics of 'cuteness' is important..anything which is beautiful is temporary but that doesn't really mean it's possible that the struggles of whatever '*had*' beauty or appeal will go away when your no longer paying attention.



AprilR
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02 Mar 2019, 7:44 am

Life is just a big pile of s**t making me feel worthless. Im glad desth exists. I cant wait to not exist and feel nothing.



kraftiekortie
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02 Mar 2019, 7:48 am

What makes you feel this way?



AprilR
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02 Mar 2019, 8:18 am

In the back of mind i always feel this way. I never understood why People treat life as a gift mine has always been painful.



IsabellaLinton
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02 Mar 2019, 8:39 am

AprilR wrote:
Life is just a big pile of s**t making me feel worthless. Im glad desth exists. I cant wait to not exist and feel nothing.


Message me, April. :cry:


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serpentari
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02 Mar 2019, 8:42 am

gift or not, the pain can be subsided. and every night ends with a dawn, if u live up to see it


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
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aNewUsername
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02 Mar 2019, 9:33 am

Goddamned "count to 100" posts and their kin. Better to just add a button people can press that awards them their worthless e-points.

Also, the people that have to attest to how much they despise social media like evil ol' facebook. For maximum irony they post their anti-social media posts on... Other social media websites!
I never want to read another anti-social-media comment posted on social media. I don't think I can take it.



AprilR
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02 Mar 2019, 10:43 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Life is just a big pile of s**t making me feel worthless. Im glad desth exists. I cant wait to not exist and feel nothing.


Message me, April. :cry:


Thank you for your concern Isabella but i'm long since used to this feeling and don't feel like there's anything to do or say about it. This feeling comes and goes in random points in my life and i know i'll take it to the grave.



IsabellaLinton
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02 Mar 2019, 10:45 am

AprilR wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
AprilR wrote:
Life is just a big pile of s**t making me feel worthless. Im glad death exists. I cant wait to not exist and feel nothing.


Message me, April. :cry:


Thank you for your concern Isabella but i'm long since used to this feeling and don't feel like there's anything to do or say about it. This feeling comes and goes in random points in my life and i know i'll take it to the grave.


I understand the sentiment but I'm here if you change your mind. :heart:


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kraftiekortie
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02 Mar 2019, 10:50 am

But April....from whence does this feeling ultimately emanate?



serpentari
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02 Mar 2019, 10:57 am

april, there can be relief. it takes a lot of work, but there can be relief. and we really want to help u, if u allow us...


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


AprilR
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02 Mar 2019, 11:46 am

Really, thank you but there's nothing anyone can do about my issues. I'll always have trouble finding a job in this god awful country because i have adhd ocd anxiety asperger and god knows what else. People with mental health issues are treated either crazy or ret*d or a mix in between and i'm sure as my own name this Will never change as long as i live.
I'm sure a lot of People Who live under similar unfortunate circumstances also relate to this. Life is good if you're lucky and have a lot of money and and isn't good if you don't have it. Right now we are financially stable but my dad Will retire in a few years and they're also getting older and i have to provide for them since there's no social security here. I'll also have no one when my parents pass away and i'll have to manage a lot of property which i have no idea how to and i'll have no one to rely on to manage my anxiety and other problems too. Because of all this i'm not terribly excited about living until i'm 70 and such. Rather die early and pass on all that thanks.



IsabellaLinton
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02 Mar 2019, 11:52 am

AprilR wrote:
Really, thank you but there's nothing anyone can do about my issues. I'll always have trouble finding a job in this god awful country because i have adhd ocd anxiety asperger and god knows what else. People with mental health issues are treated either crazy or ret*d or a mix in between and i'm sure as my own name this Will never change as long as i live.
I'm sure a lot of People Who live under similar unfortunate circumstances also relate to this. Life is good if you're lucky and have a lot of money and and isn't good if you don't have it. Right now we are financially stable but my dad Will retire in a few years and they're also getting older and i have to provide for them since there's no social security here. I'll also have no one when my parents pass away and i'll have to manage a lot of property which i have no idea how to and i'll have no one to rely on to manage my anxiety and other problems too. Because of all this i'm not terribly excited about living until i'm 70 and such. Rather die early and pass on all that thanks.


Not to make light of your rant but you sound exactly like Charlotte Brontë, and look how famous she became! You have a brilliant mind, April, and you will be very successful when you find your groove. How do you feel about your new job now?


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serpentari
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02 Mar 2019, 12:32 pm

there is a lot of life hurles we cannot overcome, but we can and can mitigate their influence on our emotional welfare. written by a cptsd victim, who seems to be recovering.


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sanity is a prison. insanity is doom. is there a third option, please?
beware the ire of the patient ones!
and if i walk away, who is gonna stay? i believe to make the world be a better place.


AprilR
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02 Mar 2019, 12:36 pm

Hahaha if only i was that good of a writer :D the job is not going so good my legal writing is apparently not that bad but i'm Having trouble memorizing everything they tell me and getting called absentminded when i can't. My employer even asked me whether i'm always that absentminded in life and i blatantly lied since you just.. Don't talk about mental illness here. These People don't even have a secretary so i have to do things like managing the countless files literally everywhere in the little room we work at. Also going to the courthouse to deliver notifications which again you have to do alone and no one ever tells anyone anything.

Serpentari, thank you for your concern too i really appreciate it. I hope we can all recover from our personel traumas regardless of our circumstances.