scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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4.
Better to forget once was and become as a stranger to one for whom you no longer mean the same. How easily a human can be replaced in someones affections and how very right I was in my predictions some months back

3

I'm wolf girl today.



That's what I call it when it becomes difficult for me to frame a sentence. At times like these it becomes undeniably apparent that--however much I love words--I do not think with them. Most real are the sounds around me... my own breathing, the movements of the tiniest insects, of the wind itself. I'm not sad, exactly, but it's hard to communicate. It has taken me the longest time to say this much.

I also have a responsibility that I am evading because I don't know what to do about it--a friend (not here) has disappointed me and I in turn have disappointed him by deciding not to trust him for the time being. He is very angry with me for this, which simply confirms me in my position. I don't know what to do about his anger and I'm afraid.... so I have said nothing yet in reply... I know I must, but no matter what I do, this will be ugly... because I will not give him what he wants.

Those images are beautiful ^^ Gwen.

-7

Having close friends who you try your damnest to help that piss in your face is...angering to say the least.

Literally piss in your face?

Not literally but too close for comfort in my eyes.

I can't think of a number...

I try to look at the bright side, but human existence can be very painful at times. I feel this pain in my belly. I think it is my body fighting against pathogens, (thanks for fighting) but it is uncomfortable.

Darkness tries to engulf me, and my struggle is to not to listen to its lures or commands.
I used to sink into sadness and self-destructive tendencies, but now I learned that I have to do my best to fight for myself.
And it is difficult.

I have to look ahead, and look outside of myself, instead of immersing into the past and into myself.

Things don't work my way. I have a hard time accepting certain things.
There is a faint remnant of the wish, that I would be taken away from this world and from myself, but now the dominant wish in my heart is to live.
Although it is still difficult.

I find solace in God and Christianity,
But I have to say, it is impossible for me, a human being, to abide by all the words in the Bible.
It is totally impossible for me, a human being, to understand the ways of God.
It is impossible for me, a human being, to know who God is. I only know bits and pieces, and that is through faith, not reason nor concrete evidences.
Thrown in the vast, overwhelming impossiblity, I cannot but cry in despair and anguish.
I feel judged, condemned, humiliated, victimized.

Like Job, I scratch my sores with pieces of tiles as I sit amongst the ruins, and I think, 'why was I born? why was not the day I was born cursed?'
At least Job was righteous. I fall into destruction and disgrace because of my own faults, wrongdoings, shortcomings, sins, stupidity, and imperfections.

Please have mercy on me.

Last edited by sunnycat on 27 Aug 2007, 1:33 am, edited 4 times in total.

-10

The university LOST MY DEGREE IN THE MAIL! They sent it to the wrong address, and still think I have nothing to complain about.

I am personally going to go down to the university one last time, and if the cripple who handles degree evaluations does not direct me to his supervisor so we smart people can talk without the Goodwill Gimps around to screw things up, I will throw his computer out the damn window (I am being literal here, not just ranting like I normally do).

Maybe he will be more receptive when he realizes I am destroying thousands of dollars worth of his office supplies, and intend to sue him personally until he's stuck on welfare the rest of his life.

Do employers want to see a copy of it? I would think your degree is not a piece of paper but the fact you competed the courses needed to obtain it. I assume you merely write down you have a degree and the school you earned it from and your potential employer confirms if its true by contacting the school.

-10

2. Worried. Probably unduly so.

-5

Only a very desperate woman would want to date me.

Tim

Yes, numbnuts, employers, ESPECIALLY the state police, want to see my degree. But that's not the point. I worked my a** off for four years, just to have this university during my senior year pull every trick in the book to delay my graduation, try and shove unprescribed anti-psychotics down my throat, tamper with my car, bully me in office meetings until 1 o'clock IN THE MORNING, and then, after graduation, send me a letter dated April 2nd that I didn't graduate!

All my friends in Idaho, Alaska, and Washington state have their degrees, while I'm still waiting for these ret*ds to pull themselves together, and CHECK THEIR RECORDS THEY HAVE ON ME TO GET THE PROPER MAILING ADDRESS! They even threatened me if I didn't give them my new apartment address, so they could send the state police down to my apartment to check for contraband!

7 I've strengthened so many loose ends and weaknesses within... I feel like such a more respectable and triumphant guy. But yes there's still a weakness that I will probably never strengthen - unwillingness to do academic work.
Other than that I feel strong. It's a personal best... even the bad news in football has a hell of a hard time getting through to me. I no longer get depressed when the teams that I hate or dislike do well and the ones I like do awfully. But I'll admit it, this is by far the worst season for teams I like they're all falling apart... but do I care? Hardly (so a little but not much and I use that frustration as fuel for working out so the negative 'helps' me XD)
I feel happy... I feel free... I feel I've got more dignity than I ever have done in the past. I feel it's damn hard now for anything to humble me - nay, not damn hard but hellishly hard.

lol sorry for that rant. Sounds like a speech from a film lol.

6

I am regaining the creative edge I had during my teen years.

Tim

-10