Rants

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I just want to know what's wrong with me. And fix it.

I don't blame anything, not really. I don't blame anyone, I don't blame the world, and I certainly don't blame higher power if one would believe. They barely had anything to do with it -- except myself and whatever 'I' was reacting towards anything.

While I wanna know what's wrong, I also wanna rest and give me a damn break. Sure, it's easy to blame anything else for depriving me of this but damnit I don't want anymore excuses.

On the other hand, I just see my problems are damn insignificant. So insignificant, I won't damn bother telling. It feels stupid if I say it out loud. I can only express the frustration but not as to 'why'...
Because I had enough with it. I had enough justifying either 'why' it is or 'why' I shouldn't. I had enough reasoning both arguments of myself and get stuck with this mental stalemate that doesn't do anything but swell itself.

'I need help' but 'I don't want help'.
Oh, just 'tell them already' and 'maybe they'll knew' but 'nooo they won't damn understand' or 'it's a stupid thing to say' and 'just stop having an excuse'.
But eh, 'stop stalling instead and get yourself a break' and 'stop justifying to not have any help' yet 'stop justifying an excuse and get 'help' of an excuse!'.
Then 'stop being prideful' and 'stop being pathetic and selfish!' 'Stop being afraid!' 'No, you're the one who's afraid! That's why you wanna come and running!' 'No, you!' 'No, you!'
Blah blah blah. I want it both sides of my thoughts and inclinations to just shut it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

There are *MANY* reasons for why non-Muslims don’t drink, white ppl.

Mental hospital ways are stupid sometimes. Like one thing I learned from them, "Hurt people hurt people."
That's not always true. So, if someone is begging for love but doesn't know how to do it, the thing to do is label that person as hurt, then say that's their being (that's what they do or are all about)? No way...

I hate people.

So today on my way to work I walked by these 2 people. One was riding a child's scooter thing up and down a steep driveway, the other was filming him on her phone. They were foreign so I couldn't understand what they were saying, but they were giggling and shrieking loud like they were 8. As I walked by I didn't really look at them but I felt the guy on the scooter was glaring at me, speaking in his own language. I wasn't sure if he was talking about me or what but they made me feel rather intimidated. They couldn't have objected me walking by because I was walking on a public footpath (sidewalk) as they were...doing whatever they were doing...on a near driveway. Weirdos. Why don't they just play at the park where there are plenty of hills and things they can film each other riding down?

For many years I thought I could conquer my social ineptitude but it just gets worse. It’s a dog eat dog world. I knew it was tough but I never realized just how much. For many years I still held onto one belief called hope but that along with everything else is fading steadily. I’m tired and frustrated. There is nothing I can be optimistic about at this point in my life.

When you remember thinking that you were being nice to a person in a wheel chair by asking them if they would mind being pushed and they take advantage of you by asking for money.

I f---g hate apathy. The first things kindergarteners should be taught is exposure by behavioral economic experts and scientists giving extensive talks with kids about how addiction, apathy and the human impulse to 'rip each other off' is embedded and how 'they're the good ones' not yet screwed over on which all hope is riding on.

No more apathy, only pressure. .

I so hate my upstairs neighbour. I'm sure she never has carpets or any type of flooring, because it sounds like she's always walking on bare floorboards. And she's the type that is always there all the time (I don't think she works), and she doesn't stop walking around her apartment. If I'm in all day, all I can hear is her walking around all day long, and no matter what room I'm in she always seems to be above that room. It's like she never sits down, she's always on the move. My boyfriend says she might be a compulsive cleaner, as we are always hearing the vacuum going.
But sometimes when I'm having a pyjama day, I like to hear the birds singing or the rain pouring or other natural noises like that, but all I hear all day long is her moving about above me.

Obviously she's unaware that she's making all this noise, but we don't like to tell her because that might make her feel restricted to move about or do anything in her own home, and we'll feel guilty. But it's just annoying that we have to live underneath a rather eccentric person who has no carpets and constantly walks around all day and even night (I think she's an insomniac). She lives on her own and I never see people going round there.

There's no point posting negative crap on WP.
Negative crap is my f****d up way of trying to get everyone else to solve my problems, and let's face it, my problems can't be solved, so suck it up princess.
It's attention seeking, ego stoking rubbish.
And all the advice is the same old same old anyway.
I may as well be f*****g happy, or indifferent at least.

Someone needs to fix my brain FAST

~"It's a cartoon, why wouldn't it be for kids?"

When you think how the same ppl who enjoy 'Sausage party' and 'Happytime murders' would judge and heckle you for liking 'Jin-roh: the wolf brigade' and other seinen like anime productions.

Something probably (objectively) bad happened.

He knew. I'm pretty sure he remembers.

He keeps hinting he knows and it wasn't a big deal or a bad thing. I go between those two emotions and thinking it was a bad thing. He won't handle the possibility it was bad.

I wouldn't mind except he keeps alluding to it and making jokes.

That pisses me off. Cos he clearly didn't/doesn't give a f**k. Tribalism at its worst.

How often is classism sustained by some b---d clerk who never grew up beyond the stereotypes of having possible temperament spread thinly/ their f---g apathy by repetitive activities?

I hope that uppity Fillipino seeming clerk isn't at the ~'housing Hamilton' place >:l .

....so much racism towards black ppl both demographics of 'the diaspora' and non-diaspora groups seem to be based on how (given the aftermath of the historical treatment/intergenerational wealth theft/screwing over of freedom of the former) you are consistently presented as a consummate and utter ridiculous walking, living inferiority complex who is 'always fair game' for ridicule to be associated with anything shameful..for some reason..https://youtu.be/kBwVWrBk_uo?t=114 .

While I am at this, let me admit this--in this apparent 'safe space'. I've never really found black ppl (black women) too attractive but I sure as h--- know not to ridicule and disparage them or anyone on the basis of appearance. Heinous racial policies (ex. phrenology's influence) have been taken for granted and enacted before. Utter testaments to human stupidity and their materiality on so f---g shallow a basis. The poignancy of the infamy of how black ppl have been treated is not lost on me...I will admit that the utterly unjustified apathy of a jacka-- of female who identify's 'culturally' as black, who I used to have feelings for me 'flares up' within me as well as (does it count if you 'pretend(?)' to live as if your not to an extent Indo-Carribean(?)))...observations I made at the call centre.

Nota, que muchos depiciones acerca de gente moreno son basado a lo menudo con personas morenos Angloparlante en mente/Notice, many depictions about black ppl are commonly based with English speaking black people in mind. It took me years to figure out what mestizaje meant to me and it's importance; half-Native, half-white. If I knew I was to a 'fair extent' black given conspicuous features and a background to black ppl demographics say in the Dominican Republic, Peru or even El Salvador for that matter, things could have been different. Goodness knows how 1st and 2nd generation sub-Saharan Africans process this either with an 'apparent' indifference or making efforts to differentiate themselves with questionable levels of 'annoyance' when it comes to how ppl might project on them...that's before getting into the issues with how understated and misunderstood English speaking Caribbean black ppl feel in trying to establish themselves as something more than over-commodified vacation areas, unambigiously built on the backs of slavery's horrors which functionally ended decades before the infamy of what it would take to stop in the .U.S.

Being Hispanic should 'black ppl mean something different to me'...being Hispanic why would 'black ppl mean something different to you'? ..good question.

Country music, camping and local sports..there is more to 'white ppl' than that.