Rants

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I suspect parenting classes are in order, as well as a situational awareness of others being adversely affected by loud, unruly children. I had this issue until my son was an infant, then a toddler. My kid with ADHD/ASD is generally much better behaved than those (likely NT) kids.

Forgetting.

Of abilities, words, concepts... Accomplishments are but memories viewed through a panel glass, than something I can actually do it again. The memories of when things clicked and had epiphanies, just went meaningless or forgotten all over.

I had to be reminded all over again. Of what things are called. Of the fine lines between the abstracts and concretes. Of who I'm and what I want. Of what I must do or could've done.
It's tiring. I've yet to find a way to unstuck myself from this.

I wish I don't have to mind myself all over again and focus at everyone else. I'm so sick of it.
If I didn't do this, I'd screw up and make things worse... It'll be like a waste of time and space all because I forgot.

I wish I don't have these lengthy 'maintenances'. My time are better spent on everything else other than myself.


Why can it not fit in internally despite how much it agrees with me? Despite the repetition? Despite the practice? Despite how vivid? Despite how much I look forward to do it again? Why waking up losing it all over again?
Despite years worth of precision only to fail all over and never producing the same results all the sudden?

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Joe90,

I have seen this kind of behavior with kids in the library, too. They run around like maniacs. I wish the parents would take them to the park, a proper place for them to run.

I hate my neighbours. They are unfriendly and are always coming and going, as in moving in and moving out, but it's like their friends and family move in and out, like they're swapping about all the time. So I never know who's who. It's like I live in a hotel or something.
And they're always in and out of their cars, loading things into or out of their cars, sometimes with blaring music coming from their cars. I hate the sound of bass music in cars, the low tone and vibration of it hurts my ears and even can set off my vertigo.
And what's more, they always seem to have kids I've never seen before, running around and shouting right outside my window. It's just so distracting. I feel like banging on the window and telling them to f**k off, but I can't. But I'm sick of these weirdos of neighbours coming and going, lingering about around their cars doing God knows what, slamming doors, having loud music and BBQs in the communal car park, and letting their brats run around outside the apartments. It is not even a child-friendly zone to play in, why don't they just take them to the park or something? Grrr, I f*****g hate some people. Why can't I just be rich enough to move away and live in a quiet little village with friendly and familiar neighbours in the countryside? But I am not, never will be. I've just got to put up living near f*****g annoying people who have no consideration.

Yes, for now I feel like crap. Offended, backhanded. Whatever.

Defensive side would rather roll my eyes and snide -- and ignore this. Or worse, jade my view on something that shouldn't matter.
If I were more impulsive or dumber than this, I would've called out and maybe threaten that person who unintentionally did it. Or harbor any hate for some petty reason.
A more patient part of me knows, it's not intentional -- it's just how it is. Regardless, it doesn't make it any hurt less.

I know why. I just hate acknowledging it.
I really don't like it. I don't like being... 'Sensitive'.
It's a trait that mismatched from a part of my core along with who I want to be.
I'm still working on.. 'Accepting' the very thing I've been fighting for so long. I'd still more likely be against it -- because I really don't like it. I just don't. I don't see myself like that, even if reality says otherwise.

But like any feeling -- it'll process on closure one way or another, and it'll end like any other.

I just keep stumbling upon these vague like epiphany that I barely had any words for. I always do -- whenever I'm at a state that happened to be wiser and more mature than I currently am.
Why can't I be always like that?


Envying myself -- my own yet natural and different state. It's me and it was as I had, yet couldn't always be. It's... Ridiculous. More ridiculous than being scared of self for having a shadow and a human malice that happened to be unspoken and natural in everyone.
More ridiculous than being green eyed at someone.

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What happened to actually enjoying things? Life shouldn’t be a cycle of staying strong and yelling at yourself and feeling a bit of comfort at best, not even happiness.

People online don't know anything about you----unless you choose to share the information.

Yes but when I say 'I've read this book and that book' or 'the books I read tell me' they choose not to believe me and say 'I don't believe you'.

Basically people (NTs) don't want to base their politics on what I say online but I have no other outlet and no other way to deal with it or convince them.

Most people are influenced by what they read. It doesn't make one right. It just makes one have an opinion.

People like to make you go around in circles. Don't let them do that.

The most important thing is to not frame your opinions as being "fact." Make sure the "listener" knows that what you express is your opinion (unless, of course, the facts are documented).

When they say they don't "believe you," all these people are doing is expressing their opinion. When they present their opinion as being "fact," then they are not credible, and not worthy of being listened to.

She said she didn't believe I read it. And I had. I know that my reading it is a fact.

I honestly thought she was stupid/naïve rather than picking a fight, she trolled me like that and the majority were against me. But all I was saying was 'it's controversial to use union jacks on that'. I never even said 'I disagree with using it'.

Maybe it's one of those things where they (NTs) read more into it than what is said. I have to tell my mother to take my words literally.

Then when I say us I mean - none of the EPL fans are bothered by the co efficient corruption and none of the non Celtic SPL fans like Celtic, if they did then they wouldn't make fun of us. We used to have people with a soft spot for us. All I can think has changed is the court cases but someone said 'they only act pc online' and it's making me question my online friendships with some very pc type people. I was in the English midlands at the moment, in the countryside and I needed that friendship even though it was only online. It felt real.