Rants

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This site will not allow me to post things of a certain length, so I cannot include quotes.

It is a response to the comment that said that I am way overreacting.

I hope you are trying to make me feel better, but that statement can actually be a very hurtful one, and this is what I was referring to when I said that people can appear to others to be hypersensitive. I understand that my reaction is not a logical one. If I hadn't, my post would have been much, much shorter. It might be nice to live in a delusional world in which I thought that my anxiety level was appropriate to the situation. But I know that it's not.

That is not the same as overreacting.

My reaction is based on my complex PTSD, which resulted from years of repeated trauma, which went unresolved and continued to pile up as time went by. I'm not unique; CPTSD is pretty common among the autistic population. Basically, I've had so many bad experiences with having been the cause of people's problems that I have become hyper-alert of my surroundings so that I can prevent this from happening again. My fear response turns on very easily.

My brain is responding with a natural physiological process based on what it perceives to be a threat to my safety. Having somebody tell me that I'm overreacting will not stop neurotransmitters and hormones from doing their job. My brain adapts by trying to reduce the stress. I mostly internalize and worry that something bad will happen and gradually settle when it doesn't. In this particular case, I am being brave and speaking up, and by describing my feelings, I hope I am helping others feel less alone and less ashamed.

Shame is generated by phrases like, "you're overreacting," and while I understand that they are intended to be innocuous words and I hold no ill will against you for saying them, they are demonstrative of a larger cultural problem. It's similar to the word "hypersensitive reactions" to describe our sensory differences. If I were to take on a different perspective (my own, which should be the only relevant perspective regarding my personal sensory intake), the level of sensitivity I display is appropriate to or very often less than what I feel, because I have to suppress what I feel, because other people do call me "hypersensitive". Being hypersensitive means I am wrong and this is my fault. Likewise, overreacting is considered wrong and my fault, when in reality, I am just a human being with a functioning adrenal system. My reaction should be expected based on my history of trauma and the fear response that forms as a result. A word like "overreacting" unintentionally shames a person, and if I didn't know better, this statement would have made me feel ashamed of myself.

Please don't think, redd_doghub, that this is a personal indictment on you. What you said is ubiquitous. People use it in all sorts of contexts, and they do not intend to give offense. While I can't actually know your intentions, I think you were helping me get back my reality, which is very thoughtful. I am only just recently seeing words and concepts in different ways and realizing that people have looked at me from one very specific perspective and that from another point of view, I'm not as bad as they think I am, and I'm not as bad as I think I am.

Oh ffs , what have I done now.

@mau_tie , I have never even read one of your posts until now. I am not referring to you in my rant. However , what you describe sounds like PTSD but also a lot like the intrusive thoughts related to Responsibility OCD , maybe you should look it up to see if anything clicks.

@Ashariel , My post was not aimed at the real troublemakers , they are usually dealt with swiftly when problems become known to moderators. As long as posts and especially PM's are reported no one can get you - not on my watch.

@ Ferris - you make me laugh! I don't think you can really do anything that won't do something to the mind of one neurotic person or another--not when we're all collected around here! I'm glad you said it, and I'm glad I got out what I needed to get out, and thank you for your advice about the Responsibility OCD. I'll check it out.


***Edit*** neurotic... hello! I'm an unintentional hypocrite. I just keep digging deeper and deeper and cannot find any place inside me where I did not internalize.

In lieu of neurotic people: charming, interesting thinkers with life experience


***Second edit***
I should add that this was complete projection on my part, and no one on this site strikes me as neurotic. I promise. (And that's spectrum honesty.)

Does anyone else find it scary how children are praised to be miracles while adults are scolded for not being or doing enough?

Does anyone else find it extraordinarily depressing and almost as if people are hypnotised by children and then put up a gigantic wall to adults as if they suddenly were looking at an evil person?

One of the signs I'm getting old is finding stupidity and rudeness intolerable.

I wish I wouldn't have to listen to so many fellow expats whining about how things are not "like at home"

How stupid must one be to claim that people liked a book because the writer is good looking?!

I love my mom, but...

There's this resentment and anger bubbling inside me when it comes to her... I tried to forget it, be grateful or whatever and yet...
It's always her... She just straight up annoys me.
Couldn't properly answer her whenever we speak, and couldn't tolerate most things she normally do that I've always knew she would and had me long put up with.

Why..?


Was it something I forgot? I always knew things. I had long forgiven her. And yet...
A part of me does not. It just doesn't. A part of me just refuses to move on, remains too attached or dependent and yet would rather flat out get rid of her at moment of inconvenience...

A baggage, probably existed before she ever accepted me and of which resentment over the ignorance under her care... A baggage that I would love to get rid of just so I can live harmoniously with her for real.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

whoever thought it was a good idea to remove all logs older than 2019, f**k you. I enjoyed reading them, I miss then, I want them back goddammit
you suck

God I hate colds, and there is a vicious one going around at the moment - I won't bother starting a thread on this because I know I will just be attacked, but I still need to get this off my chest (no pun intended).

So anyway there's this cold going about everywhere, and I was hoping to escape it this time. The last time I was ill I had the flu at the beginning of this year and I do not want a repeat of that again. But it turns out that my boyfriend (a bus-driver) is coming down with it, so yes it's our turn to share the wonderful germs now. He is the most unhygienic person I know when it comes to colds; he sneezes without covering his face, and he doesn't wash his hands. So I stand no chance of surviving flu season once again. When I come down with colds I seem to get really ill, probably because I can't sleep with inflamed sinuses, and when I have a cold nothing shifts the mucus that collects in every part of my sinuses, even if I breathe in strong obas oil or other congestion clearance remedies. Not to mention the nosebleeds I often get. And because my body so badly wants me to sleep but can't, I feel terrible all day and it makes going to work a huge difficulty because I have no energy, no appetite and no focus at all. But I can't afford to take time off work to nurse this cold, as we don't get sick pay, plus I love my job and hate having time off sick.
When I had the flu back in March, it only lasted 5 days, and it's worst was 3 days, but those 5 days felt like an eternity, and I couldn't escape from it. I even took sleeping pills which usually knock me out cold, but during a cold they just don't work.

So I am not looking forward to next week when I'm going to be laid up with a cold that my boyfriend has to so helpfully bring home and spread everywhere.

I know my husband has depression and I should be sympathetic but I’m mostly annoyed he seems completely uninterested in engaging with me or our kid. He has barely interacted with me for the last few weeks. Yes, he takes medication. Yes, he’s been to therapy. Yes, he’s been to inpatient psychiatric care. I don’t want to deal with this for the rest of my life.

I can't breathe, dear Liza, dear Liza, I can't breathe dear Liza, dear Liza, can't breathe

Then quit smoking dear Henry, dear Henry, then quit smoking dear Henry, dear Henry, quit smoking

But I'm stressed dear Liza, dear Liza, I'm stressed dear Liza, dear Liza, I'm stressed

Why are you stressed dear Henry, dear Henry, why are you stressed dear Henry, dear Henry, why?

Because I can't breathe dear Liza, dear Liza, because I can't breathe dear Liza, dear Liza, can't breathe

Then quit smoking dear Henry, dear Henry, then quit smoking dear Henry, dear Henry, quit smoking

But I'm stressed dear Liza, dear Liza, I'm stressed dear Liza, dear Liza, I'm stressed



Smokers.

Because it’s Halloween, I’d like to share this story:

I have a 4 years-older sister who has somewhat severe autism. On on this day in 2011, when I was 11 and she was 15, the both of us went trick or treating(under my dads supervision). At one house, my sister rang the doorbell at like, 100 times per minute. This older lady answered the door and began yelling at ME for it. My dad made it clear to her that it was my sister who rang it.

*sigh*

People need to start taking their anger out on who they're actually mat at and being blunt about what's pissing them off.

Not get grumpy over nothing to the wrong person cos it's easier.

I haven't seen you in a while.

How are things?

I'm ok in general.

Just really don't seem to get along with my mother who is a perfectly nice woman except for petty stuff which makes it hard to go on holiday with her.