Rants

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To All My Favorite Tennis Players (Roger, Rafa, Denis Istomin),

Please stay healthy. I don't want you coming down sick with any nasty viruses.

OOPS!

I put this in the wrong thread. I meant to put it in the Letters, Unsent thread.

While we're on the subject though, I seriously don't want any of my players (or even the ones I don't particularly support) getting sick with anything. That stinks.

No worries, mate! I think we all share similar wishes.

Now get off my lawn!

I've lost nearly everything. I just hope my family and friends all stay healthy.

I really haven't lost everything. I have some tentative dates on which certain situations will be reevaluated.

Dear Istomin Fan,
I am sorry for what sounds like a terrible time in your life.
You have always been caring and supportive to others in WP who are going through painful times, please know that you are cared about and appreciated and that many, many people who will never meet you face to face feel bad for you, care very much about you, and want your life to stabilize and for you to be happy.
You so deserve peace in your life; you are a kind person who has encouraged people who needed that.
May God bless you.

Dear Blooiejagwa,
Istomin Fan has always been helpful and encouraging to anyone on WP going through a crisis; she should know that her understanding is always appreciated, and that many here feel bad that she is in a bad time herself

Sylkat and Blooiejagwa,

Thank you so much! I am just frustrated right now and feeling blah physically, not from the virus, but from sadness, stress and just hoping to get back the things that have been put on hold. You are two very nice people as well, always reaching out to others.

My sister isn't even home for half an hour and she's started up an argument. Then my dad gets up and takes her side because she's exhausted and if she's upset then obviously my mom and I are the bad guys. It doesn't matter that I'm moments away from crying. She is spoiled and so awful sometimes. She always blames me for our arguments when it's her selfishness that ruins almost every conversation we have. My relationship with her is more abusive than any other relationship I've had. Including the friendship where the other girl lied to me and used my money, and the guy who called me a dumb c**t and acted like I deserved to be called that. My sister is so much worse. Tonight, I went from being extremely happy to being angry, sad, and just wanting to escape my life.

Yes I know orphan means child without parents but I'm 31 and still afraid of being one. Always thought my stepdad would die first cos of their ages. It must f*****g suck to not be allowed to go out of the house at all. And my dad's an idiot.

Yeah I'm foul mouthed and this will be censored but it's what words I'm feeling.

She has to, has to, has to be allowed her treatment.

Got a lot of time to kill. So I decided to extract this former journal of mine..


.. There's this simple notebook that I had for a journal.
It was as consistently maintained as I could, yet it had like no more than 15 or so entries a month, it only had 117 entries in a span of 3 years. There's still plenty of spaces there, but I stopped July of last year.

When I opened through the pages, my chest felt rather painful. Not like heartbreak, but more like harsh biting cold that's been pinching apparently my heart. That was right before I start reading.
Most of the entries are rants -- frustration and disappointment. The rest are either random references, attempts of realignment and some recorded events.

Most of the disappointments and frustration is either some inconvenience or hormones. It's mostly about this 'gap', or some unseen fog that's been stealing my processing capacity, and emotional instability.

And the whole writings itself... I know these entries are mostly about more extreme expressions.



Even I'm not being entirely open in the writings.
I always have this paranoia of people reading over whatever I had written.
Always have this reluctant-distrustful feeling of never having my privacy unless I have a tightly locked box that no one will ever open. Or be far, far away from anyone.

Always wanting to keep things a secret -- and always have people break my trust and evade my privacy. I've always known this because both my mom and my sister reads these things when they thought I'm asleep.

Yet I hear them, taking my things out and reading it. Sometimes they talk about it, little do they know I can hear them.



I hate it.



I've yet to complete an overview list for this. When I had just finished the whole 2017 entry, I started feeling lazy.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Oh crap I touched mum.

People who matter in order:
1 Me
2 Mum
3 Maternal family
4 Dad/friends
5 The rest of the world can go hang

So much we have to do or she dies. I'm scared.

Dogs barking is normal.

Anyone who has issues with a dog who has only had one walk a day barking is the one who's the trouble.

Not me.

I don't want to get better.

I wish I could wear a wig or get someone to cut my hair so it's even.

The only one who can is XH that I know but he never will. Also it's embarrassing.

Ive been in contact (closer than 2 metres) with him and kids go back n forth so transferring germs n viruses are not as big a concern if he cuts my hair vs someone else...


Salons and anything like that are (rightly) closed. If these horrible vacationers actually practice what theu are told to do hopefully i can get it professionally done within a month..


A month of having a hairdo like raggedy ann ... Ugh
.