Rants

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Are you stressed about the American elections, Amity?

I’m sorry about what the Yanks have done to put that buffoon Trump in office.

Most people I meet, of whatever race, have been mellow to me. People from at least ten countries walk on my path in Alley Pond Park.

People are mostly going about their lives here. Raising their kids, stuff like that.

Keep in mind, this is a rant thread...

I'm thinking I need to take a WP break, or change my pattern of usage. If it werent for the handful of members that keep this place ticking along, I wouldn't feel torn about jumping ship and leaving the work to them.

I'm tired of the aggression and attacks Mr K, its manageable when its contained but, it seems endemic now.

WP truly needs reform, but there doesnt seem to be the heart within the membership to make that happen, the only priority is politics in America.
Where are the other voices going, the ones who care enough to make a difference.
The responsibility is lumped onto the mods who appear to be getting burned out again. We cant even extend to them an inclusive work environment!

Do the non American members really matter so little... so much work put into making this place inclusive, undone. Maybe it was never really inclusive... maybe recent anti- whatever sentiment is a symptom of the facade slipping.

Division and word games rule the day. I mean its spilled over into the Haven... and the people who invest in the WP community are disappearing.

The Non-American members matter very much to me. If we had only Yanks here, this would be a rather boring place, indeed.

But I get what you mean.

It sort of goes to show that autistic people frequently aren’t all that much different from “regular” folks.

Indeed, the Haven should be a haven.

So angry with my guy. He is so bloody OCD and when he wants to see me he won't take no for an answer. Yesterday he showed up at my building when I was teaching by Zoom, after I had explained at great length the evening before that I would be teaching. It's all about bloody him. Also Corona is getting out of hand here and I am social distancing. When he is busy he can freeze me out for a week but when I'm busy he is hounding me incessantly to let him come. The OCD will be the deal breaker not the Aspergers. It's really stressing me out. I am really angry and he is miserable now. I can't trust him to keep me Corona free if he is so obsessive and has no self-control. It didn't bother me so much pre-Corona but I am high risk and if he says trust me and then he behaves like a nutter then I really can't. He throws at me all these memorized phrases from movies, songs and TV shows like "trust me I take care of my own" Godfather style or "you are being a Debbie downer, or "cry me a river baby" whaaaaaat? I feel like the only grown up in the relationship. So fond of the bloody nutcase and he is doing my head in.

I'm a bit calmer about this right now so hopefully I won't say anything I regret but -
I have an ongoing problem, in that we live in such a noisy, noisy world. The world is always full of street noise, construction, banging and clanging and whatever else people choose to do for recreation (loud music, fireworks).

This time of year the fireworks are always a problem, and unfortunately our next-door neighbors, and some neighbors who live very close to us on our street, have a fondness for them. I tend to freak out, and have had a few melt-downs over them when I was at capacity (my personal gauge for how badly sensory things will affect me, I refer to it as my 'capacity', typically emotional capacity, just for reference). Anyhow...

I don't want to be a dictator over other people but my desire for peace and quiet, and control over my personal sensory environment, is what fuels such a strong desire to live alone, and particularly to live in the countryside...but even then folks out in the country sometimes take advantage of the open space/air to make as much noise as they want, and how do I guarantee quality of neighbors?? I guess the issue here is, I can't control everything, haha, but this has always been a source of strife for me. I get very angry sometimes when I can hear even the slightest hint of a bass when someone down the road from us plays loud, bass-boosted music in their garage. I wish it didn't affect me so much, but that's where I'm at.

This issue has gotten to me more recently, firstly because, as stated above, it's summer and everyone likes to be outside being as loud as possible. But secondly, because of recent current events, I guess there's some conspiracy going around where people are collaboratively shooting off fireworks on a nightly basis in more downtown areas (I live in a suburb so it's not directly affecting me). Anyhow, I guess the effort in doing the fireworks thing is supposed to be pressuring the police, and while I want to be clear I ultimately agree with the cause (I strongly believe we need serious police reform in America), this is a means to that ends that I admittedly do not like (for the previously given reasons).
I understand that I don't exist in a vacuum, and maybe I, as a sensory-sensitive person, should just put up with it for the time being. But I read a post on FB yesterday from someone I know who's a very active protestor/activist about how this particular method (the fireworks) is important and people should not be filing complaints about it but putting up with it for the sake of the cause (I'm trying to take as much time as possible away from FB, while still trying to stay informed). This post made me really angry, but because of my nature, I was never going to actually say anything because I can't confront people and don't like the social discomfort that comes with it. Still, I felt really upset because of how specifically it hits close to me with my personal issues.

Anyhow, thanks for the space to rant! I know I don't need to be apologetic since that's the purpose of this board, but I still appreciate anyone who read it, and being given the space to get that off my chest.

YouTube algorithm suggested a video with a title that they had no friends. Posted a comment on said video that I have no friends. Now YouTube is making me verify that I am not a robot. I wish I could say that was a joke, what a messed up coincidence.

Adults who are presumably neuro-typical seem to be more interested in bullying people than in making the world a better place.

The second one they always say 'well I'm busy'.

Not too busy to post videos mocking people and to make fun of a 17 yo girl though. Just too busy to educate yourself on issues, leave kids alone, make the world a nicer place than it was before you arrived in it.

Had I've known that GCQ will lasts for over 4 months, and with the internet certain to be there without disconnections...

I would've taken any temporary online job that mobile users are allowed to have.
Or never let my damn PC pass to my rather tech clueless mom.



Something is just always odd about involving me with computers and software with my mom.
I can never work with her with computers in a good mood. No matter how reasonable her requests are, I'm always triggered around the whole idea.

I'm aware it's the remnants of my old wounds from my worst years.

Sure, I moved on from my social wounds of school and everything beyond home...
But I've yet move on from wounds involving home if at all.


The wounds from my worst years outside home is your typical aspie story of anxiety and depression against the bouts of social and emotional puberty at school.
I was able to surpass this.

Yet the wounds from my worst years at home... It's different.
From the outside, it's me competing against my mom with our time with the computer.

I was a complete brat -- did almost everything in order to wretch my mom out of the seat, whenever the net's out or that the computer broke.

Why?
Other than riddled with anxiety and depression, intense obsessions kept being interrupted and the serious longing for order that's practically never satiated at home...

There's also another I've yet to mention why; it happened to involve my parents.
But the first one would be my mom and her online peers.
To some, it's just some ordinary if not a decent networkings of social online groups get together.
Some find it very acceptable, had I've been socially willing. Or had I've been very open to such things, I would've supported her, would've been proud of her -- my sister is.

But I was not. In my closed off, bitter, frustrated, angry and more than unstable mind, it was very unacceptable.

Deep down, I've yet to truly accept the things she did online with a camera on -- no matter how innocent and no matter how happy she was.
On top of these things, she actually did things that no child would've dare to accept their parents doing at all, no child should've even seen let alone known these things.

I can tell that these activities are actually less than savory or moral than mere extroverts' idea of a party -- no matter how disgustingly sweet or rowdy, but I won't say anymore than that.

To this day, I'm still anxious about it.
The possibility that it might haunt her back even if this was years ago.
I don't want her to be put to shame because of this.

Had I've been more mature than I was back then, I would've resolved it, I would've processed it.
I would've been more diligent and decisive about protecting her than conflicted between 'getting what she deserves' and 'honoring her'...


But yeah, along the way, her networkings strengthened enough for her to give my dad a in-depth check abroad.

There she, along with me and my sister as witnesses, was a serious miscommunication that is still brought up to this day.
It was then that we found out that my dad married abroad -- mom noticed that both her daughters didn't blew up or anything, so yeah it seems that we did get it.

It was implied that some of my aunts and grandaunts hid several facts from mom involving whatever my dad didn't say.

Somehow I quite understand this, but what worries me is the very prospect of my dad returning home.

There been numerous times my dad was supposed to return, but... It never happened.
I still anticipate for such day, and the house is woefully underprepared and severely undermanaged.
Which gave away that my mom's 'character'... And I had no idea how to fix it.

Sure, I had several ideas how, but it's a very daunting task on it's own...
One that I may easily burn faster than having a full-time job. There's a reason why I want my own business as far away from home as possible.

I cannot ever seem to establish any boundaries at home, let alone impose order.
But this one is an even older wound, long before I ever known what autism was.

This lack of space and definite boundaries is the norm of this culture.
It cannot physically be done as long as there's no such extra space for it -- a real sanctuary, one that can never blend with the chaos at home.
I don't have this. I practically never had this.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

Just got yelled at by my aspie female friend. Sometimes I want to scream back at her and say that I get overwhelmed too and that I can't take these aggressive outbursts. I have to neutralize my feelings and wait for her storm to pass. Had to force myself to weather her storm when I just wanted to say "control yourself woman!! !! " of course she can't and I love her so she is forgiven as always.

I don’t believe people have an excuse to rant at me and insult me—no matter their neurological status.

Hey Teach, maybe you will find an opportunity to tell her how it makes you feel.