Rants

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I'm basically crap at fluffing people up and no matter how independent people pretend to be in the beginning, 3 weeks in and they'll be lingering around waiting for me to pump f*****g air into the relationship. I can have fun, I enjoy a f*****g laugh but it so f*****g annoying that this happens every f*****g f*****g f*****g f*****g time.

Half a pissing hour of Drivel just to say goodbye on the phone FFS and I'm on the other end squirming like bastard waiting for them to take that f*****g shower they mentioned, or whatever the f**k.

GO ALREADY! f**k OFF!! YOU'RE KILLING THIS FOR ME!! !!

Do the f*****g s**t you say you're going to do, I'm dying of boredom and embarrassment here, coz I am not going soft in the f*****g head at the same f*****g speed as you. Aaarrrghhh! JESUS!!

That feels better.

It just... Doesn't go away.
I'm not sure if the painkiller worked or was it because I had a nap until I took a wrong turn...

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My social anxiety...

The way I am compared to some ppl...

There has to be a middle ground.

If someone doesn't care and is open about not caring about the effects their words have on others, isn't open about what their intention was and 'sorry I misspoke' but is genuinely not giving a crap...

I don't want to talk to them.

Not when I myself worry so much about every single word that comes out of my mouth/fingers and how it might be interpreted.

I wish anyone who ever mocked sensory sensitivities would experience a week of having that specific sensory sensitivity and having to either live with the discomfort it causes or change their lifestyle around that.

Uh, not feeling too well because I had missed a couple of days of my medication (had forgotten to order a new prescription last week but got them now) but even though I've took one today I still am feeling a little jittery and very tired. But my boyfriend has had one too many drinks so is being selfish. He's got the TV on loud and keeps opening the door wide so I can hear the TV chattering from the bedroom, and one of the sounds that get to me the most is the sound of a TV chattering or murmuring from another room. I just want to get a good night's sleep so that I can wake up and feel refreshed in the morning. Yes I do have earplugs but I can still faintly hear the TV and I just cannot ignore it and relax.
He doesn't NEED the door to be wide open, but because he's drunk he doesn't understand what he's doing. I know I'm going to be triggered easily if he says the wrong words to me, because I'm already emotional with PMT too. So I'm all jittery, agitated, irritable and easily triggered. Normally I quite like him when he's drunk but tonight I just want peace and quiet. Just tonight. I don't feel well, emotionally. I really need to get some sleep. Is that too much to ask?

I'm about to get royally f****d by the next hiring freeze wave due to the monumental spike in COVID cases. Already cost me the only interview that was on my radar. I hate this country.

That really sucks! I wish this COVID thing would just go away!

Bloody autocorrect. I'm sure it's designed to make you feel like you're going mad. When I'm texting and use the letter U that's slang for "you", it autocorrects to "I" every time, so when I send the text it all makes no sense. Then one time I apologized for the errors and corrected myself - only to find that it had changed the U's to I's again! So the third time I had to remember to proof-read the damn text message first before sending.

But sometimes autocorrect is helpful so I don't want to disable it. I just wish it would let me write slang because that's what you do when texting.

I hate how I feel like a bad person.

Can't do anything about things that have happened in the past.

Can't become a better person in the past. Can only do that in the present and future.

But guilt keeps going on and on.

Irony is it was imposed by ppl who were a lot worse than me and who don't feel any guilt.

Had my own food, was supposed to eat it later... Everyone known that. It was even explicitly wrapped.

Only to wake up at midnight and found someone ate it.
No one admits it yet. There were plenty of guests that night.

It's triggering me thoughts.. Of mistrust, of unforgivness... Intrusive questions of who, how, why...?

Disrupting the peace, and the residents past midnight... For a piece of food?!


How petty can I get?
And how hypocritical.

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Mad at car dealers today and am cold.

Someone grassed on me to twitter and I'm on a padlocked account and what I said is against the rules so I got into trouble but not likely to offend the kinds of people I let follow me (Celtic fans and other far leftists).

I'm trying to figure out if it was a glory hunter or if someone specifically has a grudge against me.

I don't hate myself.

Get over it.

You should work at not hating yourself either.

Long driving trips , so exasperating , after so many hours.........