Rants

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Found myself in disagreement with many modern medicine men , based on practical experiences .
Just my humble opinion

I don't like when people put down others for not being able to get a clinical diagnosis and assume that those without one are high functioning. There are many reasons someone may not have a diagnosis. Assuming that everyone with a specific support level all have the same issues is also very disrespectful and unnecessarily puts autistic people into strict categories. This is shameful behaviour that I dislike seeing from other autistic people.

I have rants but they are very serious, and involved death of loved one unjustifiably terrible .
So am going to keep my rants to myself just now. But can justifiably growl.

I woke up with an urge to punch something in the face.
Didn't woke up badly, stressed or feeling tired.
I can recall my dream, too. It's far from distressing.


But more like...
Something rigid, strained or stiff in an abstract sense. Not a jet lag, but...

It doesn't help that I couldn't well breathe without being loud, and continuously losing patience because of it for some reason.

It's like I don't wanna deal with it yet I definitely can and I'm without protest.
But I don't not want to deal with it, and my head can reason more than just that.

Yes.
I just woke up.
And pissed and pissing off without any real justification.

In spite that I'm physically comfortable and that my mind had no real reason to act over whatever this is.
Nor my body had a real urge to physically do it, nor do my mind is resisting it.

This isn't even an emotion. Or supposedly a reaction. Not even a sensation or thought entered my space.

More like a process that just feels stiff and stuck whenever I turn onto certain thoughts and process.

And not a total loss of EF.
If it's EF issues, it's like all of the lights are lit enough except for one. I cannot identity that one.

Too subtle, but not too small to even ignore.
It's like looking at the entire spectrum, but a very specific shade of a very specific color is missing and you know it.

It's like... Being pissed without being spirituality, rationally, emotionally, or physically pissed. I checked.


I don't know how to name it, only describe it as usual.
Whatever this is, it's frustrating me in a sense it shouldn't.
Emotionally, I'm not even angry nor my thoughts are demanding

It's a weird paradox. It's like losing something without actually losing it, and there are no tricks involved if it is missing and knowing it IS missing.

And it's confusing the heck out of me.

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Not really a rant cos I'm sad not angry.

I'm pretty sure granddad will die.

Mum says he might not even have it. And if he has it he might get better.

I doubt that. His lifestyle has been so unhealthy for so many years.

I love him so much and don't want to lose him.

I'm afraid to show sadness around mum cos it feels like she's policing how I feel. I need to be strong for her.

My mother really just tried to diagnose me?? Tried to tell me I have Aspergers, which I definitely got diagnosed from a PROFESSIONAL that I am level 2 autistic. It may seem small but it’s completely undermining my everyday struggles that I keep invisible because I’m only made to feel guilty for needing extra help. It honestly just hurts because I’ve voiced my feelings many times and they just get shoved right back down my throat and make me feel lesser.

why do so many of my fellow citizens 1]refuse to acknowledge i'm a citizen too, and 2] want us to be a fascist oligarchy?

Am so tired of people in RL treating me less than human ...... even to the point of abuse . Even city government offices .

i'm rather tired of having to be on guard all the blinkin' time.

I don't know why but... Business will be damn slow.

Facebook on browser and messager apparently no longer can send attachments.
AND I DON'T INSTALL THEM. I DON'T ****ING WANT TO.

****.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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People pressuring me causes stress for me , cause me want to just quit dealing with anybody somedays..
Have enough of my own issues , daily . That don’t even get resolved .

I'm sick of feeling depressed and always anxious but having my feelings (on the rare occasion I even feel like I might want to talk about them) invalidated by people who insist they "have it worse" and while I get that so many people are going through difficult things because of COVID and the holiday season, for starters, I just am tired of feeling like nothing I talk about or feel is valid. I know there are plenty of other people struggling but sometimes it would be nice to feel supported and not just blown off.

My auntie is determined to buy me clothes I hate.

I asked for art materials.

She got me ladies clothes instead.

I don't wear ladies clothes.

I can't even take it back to the shop because I'm not a 50 yo bloke so I don't wear anything from Marks & Sparks.

I'm PISSED that the world seems geared to favour those who have it easy. Those who know how to interact with other people without anyone telling them how, those who don't get overstimulated sensed from stupid things like the clacking of a keyboard or the cold wind from an ac, those who are able to freaking speak to other people even when they have one of The Bad Moods, those who don't feel like shite every day for having to apologize for their audacity to exist!

I'm PISSED at myself for not being able to just do things and interact normally with people.

I'm PISSED nobody BOTHERED to drag my ass to a doctor when I was a kid so I could have learnt better coping mechanisms in time to have a somewhat healthier brain than what I have now!

Beru s. Post is a very accurate of some of what I feel . But this covid thing , people in their teens and 20s even up to
30 yr olds .are taking this for granted , I know one woman who had been ordered to quarantine herself .
By her work , at a major online retailer, she decide it was a vacation , and pretty much ignored the positive test she received for covid . Driving her friend to work , then going to the movies ....AAArrrrrgh !
I had presumed this person had common sense ? Am twice her age and now am afraid to answer phone calls from her . Had known her several Years . Makes little sense to me . All at once she get a pos covid test and she throws all sense of responsibility.