Rants

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I don't know if I'm mad or sad or what I am right now. But I'm something. And it's not good. The last few days haven't been great. Today started off poorly and it got progressively worse. It ended with my car crapping out on me. I can't afford to fix it or buy a new one. It's probably for the best since I have no idea how to manage insurance payments once the 6mo I paid for in advance are up.

Car issues aside, I'm...I don't know. People are making me nuts. I feel like I'm drowning. I'm probably overwhelmed. I have one person who complicated my life by failing to keep up with their responsibilities and it's a big problem for me now. I don't have a good support system in place. One person had to go away. I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. Another person can't be support because they have their own crap and I'm their support. Another who could've been support, I've kept at arms length and I think I managed to I don't know. That's on me. My fault. I suck.

I don't know if I have it in me to successfully deal with all I need to deal with. Days like today are harsh reminders to me of all the things I cannot do because of how messed up I am as a human being. I'd scream or cry if I had it in me. I swear, I'm a grown a@# adult, but I have the life skills of a teenager. I should not be allowed to adult on my own. I suck at it.

And that is my pity for the day.

health problems are no fun.

I know it's only football but I've been looking forward to 10 in a row for the last 10 years and it won't happen.

My stepdad just told me that cancer is partly due to lifestyle.

YES ABSOLUTELY FACUALLY CORRECT.

But not the right thing to say when my granddad who smokes like a chimney & drinks a lot & has salt in all his food has cancer!

Something can be both true & worth biting your tongue on.

Esp when I'm terrified granddad's going to die of it. All the signs - like lifestyle - point in that direction.

I wish people would quit faking that it's hard to understand why you can't always say no to someone bigger and stronger than you.

Were they never year 7 boys on a school playground being told to hand over dinner money by year 11 boys...

It's not always as easy as saying no. Not if you're scared of someone. I think everyone knows this on an instinctive level, anything beyond that is group think & fear of collective guilt. Collective guilt is bs - for eg I never bullied year 7 kids when I was in year 11 - but physical factors do come into play when it comes to safety!

Granddad will be one of the few men where the loss of his hair will matter as much as when it's a woman.

He's a legend for it in our family.

He puts it down to a specific hairbrush which costs a fortune. He's 81 and has not only a full head of hair but also a full head of thick hair. Most guys in their 20s and 30s don't have such lucious hair.

Most of all, I want him to survive but I hope the cancer doesn't take his hair, as well.

It's just ffing irritating.
It's just ffing trigger -- YEAH LIKE ANYONE KNOWS WHERE IT CAME FROM OR THAT IT'S EVEN AVOIDABLE.
It's just ffing sneezing.
It's just ffing nasal drip.
It's just ffing soaking.
It's just ffing suffocating.
It's just ffing sleep.
It's just ffing breathing.
It's just ffing disgusting.
It's just ffing humiliating.
It's just ffing loud.
It's just ffing distracting.


It's a wonder why I have yet to stick something on these damn nostrils...
I mean, I'm not afraid to bleed or anything -- not that I intend to. I just had to really wonder why I haven't resorted to that.
Funny enough I'm more capable of staving myself and see if food was the reason -- it wasn't.
Nearly dehydrating myself just so it may not happen -- again, it didn't.
Heck, almost trice a week every night, I get to, say, hold my breath for minutes and see if it won't happen. There are times not breathing is more comfortable than breathing but I got no choice in the matter.
Heat? No. Cold? No. Dry? No. Humid? Damnit no. Dusty, clean -- it doesn't matter.
Any ffing thing can be an irritant -- even my own blood. No surprises if that's the case.

But that's the only main source of pain and misery I have for years.

Unable to avoid, unable to pinpoint.
Not like anyone's. Anyone gets used to it. Gets to live with it. Anyone gets to know where it meant and came from. Anyone else's is justified, understandable, even rational.
Then there's remarks on other breathing -- yeah, yeah, be damn grateful I do not have asthma or that it's not my lungs, etc. Etc. Sorry, but I'm a very ungrateful bastard.


Mine is just sneezing. Ffing childish and ffing useless.
I just want mine gone.

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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

My brother and his girlfriend keep having a lot of people over, and they're all really conservative, anti-mask people who buy into the "COVID is a hoax" bull. I really hope I don't get sick because they're not taking this seriously.

Get yourself some N95 masks and goggles. Protect youself.

We have a BMW i8 newly repaired parked in our drive and normally I would be excited to go for a drive etc but for some reason I'm just not really that bothered. I think it's this covid stuff, it's really pissing me off since the country is on a full lockdown again.

To the idiot who put my immunocompromised daughter at risk of Covid:

I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shite he is!

~ Clark Griswold

I'm reporting this person for breaking quarantine after testing positive.

Scoring too high on AQ test , I promised myself before not to take online test for autism , since already have formal diagnosis . Uhm. Just frustrated myself , thought would not score so high .