Rants

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Ok I f****n hate this disorder, even though I should probably have some pride in who I am, theres times when I hate the person I am. I always have to be concerned if Im whether or not Im making a bad impression on someone cause sometimes I really dont know. Its so hard to ever get profs to like me, they have expectations, where in college, the level of communication should be much higher as opposed to highschool, its not just the school work here, (well i suck at that too). I just cant come through, I've make bad impressions on 5 profs and only a good impression on 1 prof. All the others are nuetral, as far as I know. People just dont understand, well you dont have to be concerned about the type of things that I have to. Cause your not that deficently mental gosh. I can get the responce, "Oh shes so nice, what are you talking about". Well sorry, I face problems you dont. You know how to communicate effiecently to bs your way into sounding smarter then you really are but guess what I cant. I constantly sound dumber then I really I am. Come on, theres been times when people who are doin worse then me in a class, sound smarter then me and Im still getting better grades. I mean whats with that. Its like why do I have be so friggin ackward all the time and sound so stupid. I feel like such a dummy and a ret*d some times. Which reminds me, my chem lab TA, I can betcha things Im ret*d. Im so sick of people thinking Im rude, ret*d, etc.

Ok let me just say: I am sick and tired of being aspie. I hate it and I wish it could just gooo away. Im am sick and tired of being so damn ackward, never knowing what to say in situations, thinking wrongly about everything, messing up so much, having myself f****n invalidated like all the time. The social ackwardness and the messing up is f*****g killing me. I hate myself soo much I sometimes wish I could die. I hate it hate it hate it. The fact that I have to live my entire life like such a f*****g loser. I seriously getting to the point where I cant stand my stupid life. Its soo lonely and I mess things up like all the time. Dammit!

I hate this redneck infested hellhole town that I live in. I hate it so much that I would rather commit suicide than live here for the rest of my life. There is absolutely nothing here for an aspie or even an NT.

i am sick t death of people at my school who use the word "gay" as a way to describe somthing as bad, or not cool, abviously you are straight away thinking" is he offended, he must be gay', well not really, im bisexual, but as they say same s**t different stink, anyway, in the english language we have so many great words to use, and we dont have to use "fag" to describe some one as a bad person, at one point a rough shag and some fag paper meant a ciggerete.

to conclude
my basic point is that i am pissed of at people miss using words

p.s. for all of those people at my school pretending to be gay, go f**k your self
p.p.s i relise that the above is a bit extreme but i am pissed off

j a quick rant

i hate it when a teacher tells you to fit in to a new school
then you notice a sign just up on his wall that says dare to be different, god i hate myself

and another thing

i dont wish to affect or belong to this world so much infact that i wont commit suicide because that would affect my family therefore affecting the world around them, f*****g hell suicide is complicated

p.s. if you want me to shut up a bout suicide just say the world and i am sorry for making you upset

Fed up with prats attempting to foist their biases upon others... absolutely tired of the entire attitude. Especially when it has almost nothing to with the subject at hand and they take a crowbar to get it in. I'd like a mute button or an industrial needle and thread for such folks.


M.

Me too.



Me too!


GOD, it's horrible being on this end of things. I just posted a few days ago about the wonderful things he was saying to me, and as of last night he wants to end it??? I DO NOT like my emotions being played like that. Not at all!

I thought for once something was actually working out for me. Should have know better. I haven't cried like this in a long time.

Why did you hurt me so bad? Did I ever do ANYTHING besides be nice to you? You definitely didn't help my confidence level with attractive girls. Thanks a lot. I used to be a sweet, nice guy and I wasted it all on you. Autism sucks when it comes to romance.

(Rant over)

I played a music gig on Saturday (I'm a bassist), goes over well, and I attribute much of my sound to a particular preamp. I put a plug for it on a forum, then my opinion gets dissed by a hobby player who obviously has a poorly educated ear. I remind him that I'm a few notches above him on the professional circuit, then he mocks me by posting a photoshopped picture in reference to me. Apparently my credentials mean absolutely nothing when you can prove something through verbal manipulation on a forum. I've since requested the moderators of that forum delete my account, as it's a bully pit anyways. Let those idiots continue to play armchair professional, and I'll prove my points nonverbally through my performances. Res ispa loquitur makes perfect sense, but apparently it means nothing when you can rise to the top of the social ranks of a web forum, pathetic.

This may seem funny as a rant, but...

WHY are there so many books on "how to care for your child with Asperger's", and never enough books on how to deal with Asperger's as an adult? Just today, I was at Barnes & Noble, and one side of a bookshelf was completely covered in autism-related reading material (it was under a sign that said "April is Autism Awareness Month"...is this true? I had never heard of that), but every single one of the books on display talked about how to raise autistic/Aspie children. None of them said much about dealing with Asperger's as an adult, except as an aside toward the end of each book.

I'm sure it only seems like this since I'm not looking for these books like crazy (meaning, if I only bothered to look, say, online, I'd find them), but the fact that no grown-up "Aspie self-help" books are readily available on the market wherever Aspie-related books are sold kind of makes me feel like there's no hope for me, now that I'm an adult.

Which reminds me, as I was flipping through these books, I saw the statistics for Aspies getting married... and it was pretty grim. I believe it was Donkey who said, "I think I need a hug..."

Idiots. You're both selfish idiots, to be honest, to even consider what you seem set on doing. Before, when it was a possibility, you were terrified of the chance... and now that you know, and things have changed dramatically, the two of you are going to take such a horrible risk that will not only hurt yourselves but others as well. The only thing I can wish is that some sense returns... otherwise, I find it unforgivable, and I am thankful you are out of my life for so many reasons.


M.

Noises:
-Crying babies
-Screaming children
-Barking dogs
-Snoring
-When my dad blows his nose

Sights
-when pregnant woman go around with their stomach hanging out
-really heavy people wearing bikinis
-when people change diapers in public

Smells
-Farts
-Cabbage
-body odor

Touch
-being tickled in certain spots

Taste
-dark chocolate

Mostly noises bother me.

Every time I try to do something productive, something goes wrong and it's always because of something stupid that I do. I'm trying to send out some job application letters. I wrote them, bought envelopes and stamps, then I went to the library to print them because my printer isn't working. I printed them, then discovered that I hadn't proofread properly and that I was going to have to print them again because I'd left out a word. I went through all the planning-and-disruption-of-my-routine again today with the new, carefully proofread edition of the application letters. I addressed and enveloped 3 letters, which took 6 minutes (yay for sucky motor skills), only to realise that I'd forgotten to print my resume to enclose with them. Now I'm going to have to go out and do more printing, and more writing on envelopes, and more trying to get paper into envelopes without killing either the letter or the envelope. Something this simple SHOULDN'T BE THIS DAMN DIFFICULT!! !! !! !

(I think I'll go and bash my head against the nearest brick wall for a while; at least there's not much I can do to sabotage that.)

deleted

Ever since the year 2001, I've felt socially and emotionally "famished".
I've either had too much work to do, or people have lived too far away for me to talk to them or there's been too much pressure and stress.
Everything was so rushed and the commute took ages.

After that I became socially stunted and couldn't really connect properly socially with anyone and it's getting worse.

Everyone's either too busy or moves to fast for me to talk to them.

I was excluded from events and groups.

I don't know how to join in because no one ever told me how to.

Large groups are daunting and peculiar.
They can't possibly be communicating with each other at that fast rate.

It's got beyond loneliness really.
Low serotonin probably.
My mind is almost turning to mush.
I still have recurring nightmares about coursework and exams I passed over 8 years ago.
That communication course I took a joke: I'm so gullible.
I blagged my way through the group assignment and got a good mark only because I dominated the entire thing and no one else had a clue.

I'm pretty used to the isolation now to the point of acceptance.
I think I could handle solitary confinement quite well.
It would seem mild in comparison to this.
I frequently hold imaginary parties in my head and invite my imaginary friends.

The arguments at home mean that I just become more emotionally fatigued. It's exhausting listening to the all rant, yell, argue, curse and swear at each other all day. This makes me more depressed. It's a vicious cycle. It means I sleep less well too. Then they blame me for not sleeping well. They have zero social and cooperation skills: I thought I was bad.


Initiate conversations socially?
People have stopped me doing that for years by looking at me suspiciously if I do.

Something I say or do must upset them, but what?

I'd love to have a conversation with someone where they didn't ask how I was doing, but were genuinely friendly and sensible towards me.

I've asked what the formula for social interaction is, but no one will tell me.

I wish I was a bit more socially oblivious and could tolerate months alone, then at least I wouldn't care so much.

People would respect me more if I was more inadvertently resilient.

Dear doooooooooooouche bag,


Oh, what a piece of s**t you really are. I don't think you realize how big of a piece of s**t you are. I will point out some things that make you a steamy, smelly slice of feces.

- Am I really supposed to believe you 'aren't ready for a relationship' when you're seeing someone else already? I don't care in the least, but F.Y.I., we work with the same people, and word gets 'round, especially when I'm more well liked. I'm not that oblivious, captain. Come up with better lies for future let-downs. Oh yeah, and the fact that she's still a child not only makes you look creepy, but it's illegal. I hope she has parents who care enough to ground her from you. Everyone thinks it's creepy, creep. ACTUALLY, I CAN believe you aren't ready for a relationship. You've found yourself a teeny bopper f**k buddy. That's not a relationship - that's taking advantage of a little girl. CREEP.

- I've been employed by our employer for a much less amount of time than you, yet I am already a more respected, all around BETTER employee than you. Little to your knowing (as far as I know), you are bad-mouthed by NOT JUST our boss, but by EVERYONE on a daily basis. A.F.Y.I., you suck. All around. You do nothing right. Plus you deliberately do stupid things that you have already been disciplined for, thinking you may get away with these things for once, but you are always full of FAIL. Please go ahead and quit - save our manager the inconvenience of firing you and allow me to take your place. It's sad when she vents to potential hires during interviews about your suckyness. Failure.

- Not only are you full of FAIL - you are full of CONTRADICTION. You say one thing, but the next week say and do another. You are also full of LIES. Your roommate confirmed that some of your 'stories' are all make-believe. You aren't impressing anybody - especially when your 'friend' lets everyone know you're stooopid, and thinks you're stooopid on top of it. It's not just your acquaintances; your 'friends' see it too. THAT'S RIGHT, acquaintances. Not everyone is your friend.

I would continue my post, but you aren't worth a fourth bullet. There are, however, so many more things I could say about you in a rude manner.


I would tell you to eat s**t, but you are s**t, but that would make you a cannibal and that is wrong. =)

Sincerely,

~

Last edited by Manders on 29 May 2009, 4:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.