Rants

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I don't even just feel like I'm trapped in a woman's body to use the old fashioned cliche.

I feel like a really smart guy trapped in a teenager's body who will never be respected because of that body.

I hate my body's flaws so much.

The fact everything in it is tiny and it is tiny itself.

Why?

Why not just either make me small and dumb or tall and smart? If I was dumb, I would deserve to be patronised. If I was tall, I wouldn't be patronised - even if I looked like a 5"6 woman rather than a 6" man.

(I'm asking an imaginary god that haha)

all the things to react too,
its like flyhunting
so many ways
so many eyeballs,

down in france, firstly the "communautarism", or "clientelism" was/is still strong
also in retail, which for dutch was a thing of the past, when i was young....
catholics shopped at catholic business, reformed at reformed owned, communists (or socialists) at cheap (labor) places which seems a bit contra-intuitive, oh wrong intuitive,
france never really got past that idea
asap when i was "farmer" you'd get the seller-representative around, but say the forbidden i don't buy manufactured animal feed, you'd be blacklisted asap too, never they sell me any, being that disrespectfull how dare i ! !! !


as well as the 'great nordic() retailers being gaslighters to woman clients, as commercial policy?
women in retail call me man, men surely don't, but the lack of feminine-verbosity isn't a help

as if most rather not sell, if it's against their -- ohoh-- feelings

I've said it too many times already.
And nothing worked out. It's still the same.

Therefore I see no point of telling it.
I'm just so sick of repeating it myself.

Everytime it's the same outcome -- This... Dismissal.
That... Misinterpretation...
I'm too frustrated to ever 'say it properly' frickin say the damn it properly that's what's more important. So never the damn mind.

You don't damn need to know. Because it's pointless. Damn pointless. You cannot help me -- you do not help me. I cannot trust you to understand.

You'll just make it worse by fussing even more. I understand you want to know.
But my patience already ran out over this issue.

I really see no damn point bringing it up. I'll do it myself and without you involved in it as much as possible.

No, the issue is not fricking external. That's the least of worries. The problem is still me and me alone -- the issue is how it'll affect anyone and it's frustrating.
Even more frustrating to be dismissed my issues as something inherent.

I DO NOT HAVE THIS THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.

And I'm not a fool to endanger my life if you are just so worried.
It's one of the things I'd avoid since, well, all the damn time. But that might be the point why I refuse to say it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I am at the point where I no longer care about much of anything.

Especially stuff that is useless to me.

And I am f*****g angry that my dumbass neighbors are so stupid. Like please, come up with good lies...something that actually works.

And I am hoping I find an actual therapist to work with. Because the last one left me feeling like I was worthless.

Also, if someone’s behavior causes me major issues I don’t care.

I am doing what is best for me.

My colleague sucks. She never finishes the tasks she starts, she always leaves things for others to do when she doesn't feel like doing it. She takes a hundred breaks every day with the excuse that she didn't finish the last one which is bollocks. She seems to think she deserves more breaks because she "needs" to smoke. She eats and drinks whenever she can, leaving cans all about the workplace. She comes to work mostly to hang around and have fun rather than to do her job.
She occasionally gets in trouble for not doing her job properly. When that happens she gets extremely salty and decides to look for faults in other colleagues specifically so she can get them in trouble for the littlest thing.

Everybody's tired of her s**t but the boss doesn't seem to care. What a bloody mess. I hate her.

RANT: Members receiving preferential treatment for the same comments that get other members censored.

The more anxiety I feel the more depressed I get, and the more depressed I get the more I feel suicidal. It'd be nice if I could just shut my brain off for 10 minutes. I had like, one whole minute without a messed up, anxiety ridden thought earlier and it was pure bliss.

I just feel depressed because my cousin is more socially intelligent than me, and I always thought (and hoped) that she was on the spectrum. She showed a lot of autism signs when she was a toddler, while I showed none as a toddler. She didn't make eye contact, was often in her own world, showed a lot of repetitive behaviours (like when on a bouncy castle with other children she just bounced repetitively in one place for ages and didn't show much social interest), and some other autistic-like traits. She lacked confidence at school and got involved with the bad kids for the sake of having friends. And she seemed naive for her age. Even as an adult she doesn't seem to know how to join in conversation and can only talk to one person at a time. And it wasn't due to her upbringing because her sisters are not like her.
But she seems NT because on Facebook a girl in her class at school said that they should go out for a girly night when the pandemic is over, and she didn't really know this girl at school that well, she was just in her class but didn't really hang out. Having girly nights with your old (NT) schoolfriends is the most NT thing to do in the world. Do I have old schoolfriends on Facebook suggesting to me a girly night out? Nope. Why? Because I'm an Aspie.

Makes me feel like a social failure, even though I have become much more confident and have gotten good at chatting to people and being friendly, and I show casual interests in people on Facebook and can express my feelings well. I don't even talk about my obsession.