Rants

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I absolutely hate fixing electronics for people who shouldn't even be around them in the first place.

How does someone not know how to confirm a goddamn email or how to remember to write down a password? How do people this stupid even f*****g exist?

Edit: I should add I don't mean people who haven't used a computer/phone/etc that much, and that the person I'm talking about has used email for decades so far, and every time I try to show them how to do anything says they "just want me to do it" solely because they're too lazy to do anything themselves.

It's not my job to fix the 20 different things on their phone that this person has messed up out of that laziness and idiocy while they yell at me for it not being done in five seconds.

jeez...

My intrusive thoughts are really weighing me down lately and I have the stomach flu right now. It's just really difficult right now. I would really appreciate just being told I'm okay right now. When I get sick my anxiety goes crazy. It's so stressful.

Why don't they invent a vaccine for stomach flu? Nobody likes being sick. I'm still not over my emotional trauma from when I had norovirus 4 years ago. And nobody wants to help me treat this soul-destroying phobia I have of vomiting. People just think I'm being silly or overreacting. People just say "nobody likes vomiting", but with me it isn't just a case of the normal dislike of vomiting that all humans have, it's an actual PHOBIA. If I feel nauseous enough to think I might vomit or at least start uncontrollably wretching, suicidal thoughts suddenly start whirling around in my head and I think "if I'm really going to be sick, I just cannot face it, I rather die". And usually death is one of my other phobias, but when I'm feeling sick, death is the thing that least scares me.

I am unable to burp too, so it proves that I have some sort of dysfunction going on when it comes to anything coming up from my stomach. So imagine how painful and distressing it is for me to vomit. I hadn't physically vomited since I was 10 years old, until 4 years ago when I caught norovirus from work. I'm nearly 31 so I've still got many years ahead of me where I'll probably vomit again at some point. It may be another 17 years before I vomit again, I don't know.

I just hope this COVID pandemic hasn't made our immune systems lose the familiarity of norovirus and other stomach flus and then we all come down with these stomach bugs as soon as we're allowed our freedom again.

So, what is the definition of empathy?

Good question! Empathy means kind, caring and understanding.

Oh, right, well I'm generally a kind, caring and understanding person, and when someone is telling me their feelings I am a good listener, so I think I have empathy--

*Spits out drink* No, J! That is compassion, J! You have compassion.

Oh, right I see. Well, I usually like to comfort somebody if they're crying.

That, my friend, is sympathy, J. If you don't cry when someone else is crying, then you lack empathy. Empathy is the ability to feel what someone else is feeling.

Oh, I thought empathy meant kind, caring and understanding.

It does, J. *Sips drink*

I've been bullied a lot by neurotypicals, because they don't understand my autism, so they must lack empathy--

*Spits out drink* No, J! It means they DO have empathy. They do understand how you're feeling but they just choose to not understand.

So if I just chose to not understand how it feels to be someone else, I would still have empathy.

*Spits out drink* Wrong, J! You must always understand other people, whether you want to or not. That's empathy.

Well, not everyone can understand everyone's problems all the time.

No, no, J, empathy is understanding everybody's situations at any given time, no matter what the situation is.

But how can one choose to not understand? You either understand or you don't.

Because some people are jerks, J.

Jerks with empathy?

Yes, J. But don't you ever be a jerk, because you would be lacking empathy. It's unkind to be a jerk. You should know that more than anyone, because you're autistic. You can't expect neurotypicals to understand that.

So, if empathy means kind, then jerks can't have empathy, because they're not being kind.

J, J, J! Empathy doesn't mean kind. You can be very kind but not have empathy. Empathy is recognising and understanding other people's mental states.

But neurotypicals can't seem to recognise or understand my mental state--

*Spits out drink* J! You can't expect other people to read your mind! They're not you. Only you know your own mind.

Oh...but I'm supposed to read their minds?

That's right, J.

So it seems to me that the definition of empathy varies depending on who you're talking about?

Now you're getting it, J. A neurotypical lacking emotional understanding is human nature. An autistic lacking emotional understanding is selfism. Ha. *Sips drink*

But autistics seem to understand each other.

That's right, because autistics can only feel empathy for those who have experienced the same as them, J. *Sips drink*

But then the same goes for neurotypicals, as they don't understand me.

Neurotypicals usually only feel empathy for those who have experienced the same as them. It does not mean they lack empathy.

But you just said autistics are the ones who can only have empathy for those with the same experience.

No, J. You just didn't read between the lines. If you had empathy, you'd understand that I'm trying to say that the majority of people lack empathy for those who haven't experienced the same.

So if an autistic lacks empathy for a neurotypical, the autistic is lacking empathy.

That's right, J. *Sips drink*

And if a neurotypical lacks empathy for an autistic, the neurotypical is lacking empathy.

*Spits out drink and chokes* No, J! The neurotypical still has empathy.

Oh, I see. But I usually can feel empathy for neurotypicals a lot of the time.

J! We've been through this! You are experiencing compassion and sympathy, not empathy.

Oh. Right.

I'm glad you understand now. But you being a kind, thoughtful and understanding person with a good listening ear and an understanding of other people, go and educate yourself on empathy to build up your empathy skills, or lack thereof. But don't expect people to understand you, otherwise you'll be a narcissist.

So I must understand neurotypicals, but they don't have to understand me.

Yes, J! It will be too much for them to understand you. It will make them feel tired, and you must respect that. Have a nice day, J.



Best empathy explanation ever.

It really amazes me how many people these days mistreat someone and don't think twice about it. What's more is they are so clueless, they don't get it when someone calls them out. To top it all off, some of these people aren't even capable of saying, "I'm sorry," when one confronts them. Either they get defensive, make some excuse or blame shift of some sort. People like this make me want to yell at them even more.

at best those folks lack TOM. at worst, they are sociopathic.

I crossed paths with a couple people like that in 2020. Created so many intrusive thoughts for me (perseverations, really) that I could not function. Had to quit my job. About to run out of money. They are still clueless to what they did. Or maybe they are patting themselves on the back. I really can't tell if they are oblivious or malicious.

Thank you for the kind responses, I'm on the mend....does anyone else get stuck in reliving their childhood mistakes and thinking some irrational consequence will happen because you made those mistakes, even though they were 5-10 years ago? I could go into more detail but I'm not sure if it would be appropriate here?