Rants

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I'm going to consider moving to an upstairs apartment, because I'm getting sick of having this annoying weird woman living above us. Because she's not breaking any laws or policies, there's nothing I can do about her noise other than tell her. But I know what people are like - the more you let them know how annoying they are the more annoying they will be.
I just wish she had a job and wasn't an insomnic compulsive cleaner. She got rid of all her carpets and has got hard floors now (so we hear her even more), and she is moving and banging about all night as well as all day because she's insomnic. And it's obvious that she's a compulsive cleaner because she always seems to be hoovering.
She also has a habit of moving furniture across rooms. Sometimes it sounds like she's throwing heavy objects across the room. And this goes on all day, every day. And every night. I understand insomnia because me and my boyfriend suffer it sometimes but we at least do quieter activities at night such as reading, watching TV or surfing the web. When she can't sleep (which is every night) she gets the hoover out or moves her table to the other end of the room or does other noisy and unnecessary activities. Sometimes it makes me and my boyfriend argue, because he says I should get used to it and learn to drown it out but my ears are sensitive to low banging or rumbling sounds in the room above me so it causes physical discomfort for me.
It doesn't take a genius to know that hoovering and moving things about at 2am is going to be heard by the neighbours below you. I knew that at the age of 6.

But, funnily enough, the only time this woman is quiet is when we have company round. Weird.

I feel like I'm unable to have a proper attachment to people and it sucks. I don't even think I have a real attachment to any of my family members. I have never developed a close relationship with either of my parents, and I've never had really any relationship with my siblings besides for my sister, as she primarily took care of me until I was around 3. She's the only family member that bothered to develop a relationship with me and didn't treat me like I was a burden on them, though I've barely seen her since I was around 8.

I honestly feel like a sh***y human being typing this out and venting about it because I have been called a "sociopath" by my mom before for not having a proper attachment to people in my family, like I choose not to, even though I have tried to develop relationships with them and have been reprimanded for bothering them by doing so.

Sorry, mom.

But I'm still pissed.

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I'm so tired of being treated like a personal therapist. Whenever my parents have issues with anyone they unload their problems onto me, and guilt trip me if I don't want to spend hours listening to them complain about other people. I hate hearing constant negativity.

pain. brickum brackum, frickum frackum

Second night after moderna vaccine round 2. Still in intense pain and feverish without pain killers. Shaking stopped. This f*****g sucks.

Hi, I'm the weird annoying obsessive-cleaning insomniac that lives above Joe90, I am home 24/7 and I can't sit or lie down not even for half an hour. I have no hobbies or hardly any visitors but I have too much time on my hands, and what does a 70-year-old do with herself when she doesn't know what else to do? Why, clean, of course!
At the quietest times of the day (ie, at night), I get my stiff broom and sweep the dirt and crumbs up off the hardwood floors that I had hoovered up about an hour ago, making my broom bang against as many skirting-boards and furniture as possible, and I even pull out my furniture several times a day so that I can clean away the dust and crumbs that get there within the space of an hour.
Although there is only me living here, I manage to be in every room at once, making as much noise as I can. I even like to move things around noisily in my tiny bathroom, and when I get really bored I like to throw heavy objects across the floor just so I can pick it all up again to give me something to do.
I have a cupboard in the corner of the living-room with a squeaky door that I store all my cleaning stuff in, which I open about 100-200 times a day. That's my special cupboard.
Every floorboard I step on creaks, but I like to wear my big, clompy shoes that I only wear for indoors, which makes my footsteps sound louder.
I'm so lonely, but I won't let anyone in my home, and I use about 7 different locks on my door that I only unlock for the delivery people with my shopping. But my cleaning chemicals and equipment are my best friends, so I don't need people. In fact I don't care about people, particularly those who live below me, and if they do complain about my noise then I'll just make more noise for them because nobody tells me what to do. And what are they going to do about it? Get me evicted for moving around in my own home? I think not! If they don't like it then they should move, because it's that easy. I would probably be better off in a bungalow for older people but I don't wanna.

I am so proudly noisy, that my downstairs neighbours seem to know exactly how I live. Spooky, isn't it just?

This video shows how important having the proper gear is. A helmet shouldn't slide up like that, it should fit snug. I have been in this type of situation, I was lucky, missing the oncoming traffic while sliding across lanes and I didn't have a passenger at the time. I wasn't wearing good protection at the time. I didn't get much road rash, however, it did shred my shirt and jeans. I did have gloves on so it saved my hands when I stopped myself from going forward after the first roll. I did get a nasty bump on my hip and knee, but I got lucky it wasn't worse. The truck behind me lucked up his breaks and he ended up locking himself out of his truck when he got out to check on me the poor guy.

I just read some very convincing albeit unsubstantiated news about Ezra Koenig of Vampire Weekend admitting that he sexually and emotionally abused his 18 year-old girlfriend when he was 30. I've always really liked VW and needless to say I'll be disgusted if this proves true. I'll delete them from all my music files.

We've had months of hot muggy weather and as soon as we get some cold weather people start whinging, they make it sound like its the worst thing in the world to have a little bit of winter and we only get it for 3 or 4 months of the year, if they went for a walk they would soon warm up, they don't like it when you say you hate the hot weather, you can't cool down in the heat if you have to go outside to water your plants, but in the winter you can layer up to keep warm.

I've only known one person in my life, the one who dated me.
Now that I'm single, I can complain about my strict social isolation without single people nagging me and telling me they would like my life.
I wish I had their family and friends.

... It all boils down to lack of privacy. Lack of security. Lack of solitude. Lack of owning my own space. Lack of boundaries. Lack of walls. Lack of locked doors between me from everyone else who could just walk into and see it.




That's mostly my "excuse" for not doing anything.

I wish I have my own room.
I wish this house was bigger. I could always just buy a literal wall, construct it myself and spend a year worth of my money just for that! Except the house is too damn small.
I wish there's no dog downstairs and dog poop I have to watch out every time I'm downstairs so that'll be where I'd be at night instead of sensing my mom all night.
I wish the balcony is walled at all and is not where the air conditioners eject heat wave and water whenever's on.
I wish the old kitchen doesn't flood every year and is basically a mosquito and pest nest no matter how clean it gets. Owners don't allow the idea of putting higher floors on that place.

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I am trying not to be petty and needy but i wish i had someone who supported me when i need it alongside my therapist. I feel like i am too needy but than i see people complaining about things that are not as serious and lots of people give them attention and support.
I guess life is unfair after all. I feel cold and alone. I guess i can only get even more detached.

I will ignore my needs completely because even if i were to ask for help no one will answer. I will stop calling for people who don't answer.

I'm sorry you're so upset, April. I really am.

You come across as a nice person.