Rants

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Jesus Christ I have just been startled out of bed.

I was laying in my comfy bed, not asleep yet but was relaxed, and I had earplugs in. Suddenly I heard this loud rattling or crashing sort of sound that sounded like shelves collapsing with everything on them crashing off. I sat up quickly, not knowing what the hell it was, and I took my earplugs out. Turns out the horrible loud noise was just a motorcycle with an extremely loud rattling engine going by on the road outside. But at the time it didn't sound like a motorcycle, because the noise wasn't consistent, it just made the horrible loud din whenever it changed speed or something (I don't know much about motorcycles). But I really thought it was the world ending. It's 15 minutes later and my heart is still beating fast from the shock.

I feel like every job I've ever had makes me miserable in some way. I struggle so much with communication and when I'm working in a confusing, constantly changing project where there are a lot of new people involved and there are things that are broken meaning I can't work properly it just feels impossible. Approaching people feels like a massive effort at times. It doesn't help that I have basically no interest in what I'm doing either. It's exhausting. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this for another 20 or 30 years...

I woke up early because I had a meltdown while dreaming. I misplaced something and between not being able to remember it and the way where I was searching kept changing was too much but the weird part was if it happens for real I'm usually exhausted and need to sleep, meanwhile when it happened in my dream I've been too wired to get back to sleep.

Falling down the rabbit hole again. It's not fair. Trauma. Mutism. Avoidance. Annoyance. Doing better and doing worse. Resentment. Anticipation. So sick of it. No one understands.

PLEASE GOD, F***ING KILL ME NOW!! !

Bloody upstairs neighbour, always doing some noisy activity or some sort of activity that involves moving around for hours, ie obsessive cleaning. I need to listen out for a delivery but I find it difficult to ignore her banging noises up above, but I can't use earplugs because I need to listen out for the door. The delivery can come at any time today so I've got to be alert. But I can't focus on anything with her upstairs doing her usual daily banging. But I can't do anything, I mean I can't just go and tell her not to move in her own home for the next 8 hours - as much as I'd like to tie the stupid b***h down for a few hours to give me some peace, I know that is wrong and so I wouldn't really do it.

God I hate upstairs neighbours that don't work and are obsessive cleaners that have to be doing some sort of noisy cleaning activity day and night. If only there was like a rehab thing for these annoying people to teach them that dust does not appear 5 hours after you last vacuumed, it takes a few days. And germs are easy to kill just by simply wiping mostly touched surfaces, and washing your hands regularly, not by pulling all your furniture out 10 times a day on your hard wood floors.
Also the government should put all obsessive cleaners in one apartment building that is built like a hospital with shiny floors and white walls, so that they can all clean day and night, and let normal people like us that only clean a normal amount or when necessary live in peace.

Disclaimer: I am sorry if that has offended any obsessive cleaners here but I really had to get that off my chest and I really hate my upstairs neighbour. Trust us to live under a woman that cleans all the time. Cleaning is a noisier activity than you think, and is especially noisy and distracting when you live below someone who constantly cleans.

Pissed enough to make a decision and ban someone from it.

Because someone's not listening. And is still not listening. Also do not explain why.
I see no point including people in my life who don't make themselves clear.

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Someone at this shelter left their clothes in both washers for hours, so I got fed up and hand washed bedding that one of our cats puked on in the bathtub and had to spend like 30 minutes trying to wring out a blanket. Then I had to walk down 4 flights of stairs for the third time with a basket of heavy, wet bedding, only to see that they finally moved their clothes into both dryers, and now I'm waiting for their clothes to finish drying. Kill me.

Where I live the traffic is unbearable, and all they're doing is building more and more houses, and then there'll be MORE traffic. This town once started off as a quaint little village, very old and historical, now it's become like a city and is a nightmare to get around. There is always roadworks everywhere because the place keeps getting sinkholes - because it wasn't meant for all these houses, roads, cars and people. You can't really plan anything when living here because you never know what the traffic is going to be like, sometimes there could be one road closed and it could make you 3 hours late to where you were planning on going. Yes, THREE HOURS! It's horrendous. I work late afternoons and although I have most of the day to myself I still can't go far because you just never know what the traffic situation will be like. Some of the bus services are unreliable because of it, like one bus service is supposed to come every 15 minutes but one time I was waiting over an hour and none turned up at all. There's just too many cars on the road. Too many people own too many cars and there's too little room. Sometimes I hate it and wish I could move to a quieter town, but it's easier said than done.

My day went completely to s**t, but when do I not have a day that goes completely to s**t.

I need to have a meltdown of epic proportions, but I can't.

It's like staring at the sun and waiting to sneeze.

I can get really angry sometimes. In situations i feel trapped. Is that a meltdown? Maybe a mini meltdown. I can be somewhat composed and yet explosively pissed off inside. 'Volatile' would be the word, like nitroglycerin. And i will explode if enough pressure is applied.