blitzkrieg wrote:
Autistic people struggle with empathy but they don't necessarily lack the ability completely. It's just a hard thing to utilise for us.
I can empathise deeply in quiet, calming surroundings, but lose the ability in sensory-overloading environments.
I have too much empathy. Like if I see someone make an embarrassing social faux pas (whether they're NT or not) I feel embarrassed for them to the point where it makes me anxious as though I was the one who'd done a social faux pas.
Or if someone's voice goes croaky and they don't clear their throat, I start clearing my throat because I can somehow feel a croaky feeling in my throat even though it isn't there. I also yawn when others yawn (something not all NTs do).
Since my mum got ill, and when she sadly passed away, I have learnt a lot about NTs and empathy. When she was ill, she had a lot of caring close relatives that did sympathise with her, but she often said that people don't fully understand how ill she felt, not just physically but emotionally. Her emotional needs were often overlooked. She said so herself that when people are not suffering with cancer themselves they don't 100% understand how truly terrifying it is unless they have it themselves. So empathy isn't just NT Vs autistics, it is anyone Vs anyone not going through the same experience.
And when my mum passed away you wouldn't believe how many NT people admitted they don't always know what to say or feel awkward when offering me comfort. It doesn't mean they lacked empathy though, as they cared very deeply but didn't always know how to put it into words appropriately. Men especially.
So I think the way we feel and show empathy isn't out of the ordinary when you think about it. And the words people here used in my thread when my mum first passed away just proved that autistics do feel and express empathy even if they feel awkward doing so or worry that they say the wrong thing or something. That, in itself, is empathy.
But the way I see it, there are no right or wrong things to say to someone who is grieving (within reason, that is). If the thought is there, then that's all that counts. If they're unsure of what to say but still care then that counts too. There was one person who didn't care at all, and that was my uncle's ex-wife. But I won't go into all that.
Anyway, this post wasn't a rant....sorry about that.
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