I’m sick of my NT family.
Last week my dad had his 60’s birthday. He is not diagnosed, but I know him well enough to understand that he does have obvious Asperger's.
He lives alone now. My mother has died 13 years ago, sister moved out soon after, I stayed with him. His flat is pretty big for European standards (74 square meters), it does have a kitchen, a bathroom, toilet and four bedrooms. So when I’ve met my wife, after few months of dating we’ve all agreed for her to move in with us, as it was the most cost effective solution both for her, me and my dad - splitting the bills between three of us has gave him some breathing room as he was not earning much a the time. We lived with him for four years, in the meantime my first kid was born. All this time me and my wife were saving up for a mortgage (you need to have like 18% of total estate value here to get a mortgage) and eventually bought our own flat. Moved out in November 2020. Dad was left alone, but he changed jobs in the meantime, earns more and can manage paying the bills on his own now.
He is a good guy. Loves his granddaughters and seeing that we live in close proximity, visits us often. Wife and kids aside, he is the only member of my family which I have a regular contact with. But he does have his issues – namely, he is not very good at managing his life apart from going to work, cooking, keeping himself and his clothes clean and looking after his fishtank (this is his no.1 hobby, which he had as long as I remember). He is very technically skilled and can fix things around the house, but he is ABSOLUTELY HOPELESS WHEN IT COMES TO CLEANING.
Seriously. He makes a mess, but doesn’t pay attention to it at all. All his life, someone else was doing the chores. My mother (she wasn’t working, was stay at home mother), then me and my sis, them me alone, then me and my wife. Simply because we wanted to live in a clean flat. But now that he lives alone, yeah, it is dirty. I wouldn’t say that it looks like a den of serious junkie of drunk addict, there’s no smell, but things are all over the place, bathtub have like 2mm thick layer of limescale, there’s dirt on the floors and so on.
So, imagine that two weeks ago, my aunt (wife of one of his brothers) god an excellent idea to throw him a surprise party! But not the kind when you invite someone over, but the kind where you crash his place. She called me and asked what I think about it. I’ve told her that it is ungodly stupid idea. She has told me that other people have agreed anyway, so they are going through this plan. You know, instead of booking a place somewhere and taking him there, which is pretty obvious thing to do.
She has contacted my father’s girlfriend (they are dating for years but it seem they are not that close – honestly, it looks like she’s using him) and got her to make sure he won’t be working on a set date. Even though I know aunt is a good person and does want other people to be happy, she is one of those carefree “live love laugh” types I just cannot stand. For example, when my mum was dying of stage IV brain tumour, she was telling her to be positive and everything will work out!
Furthermore, my aunts, uncles, cousins and even dad’s girlfriend has not wisited him since pandemic outbreak. They’ve been meeting from time to time, but never in his flat. So they had no clue about kind of environment he lives in.
So I did the one thing which needed to be done – ruined a surprise. Called dad and told him that family wants to crash his place. Needless to say, he was pissed off, but told me that he will pretend to not know. Thing is, he was working late hours that week. Didn’t have time for thorough clean-up, I’ve helped him a bit but couldn’t do that much seeing that we’ve been at home with two sick kids and I was behind with things at my work. So yeah, flat was in better shape, but still far from being in a good one.
On his birthday, I went to him early (before the hour my family wanted to crash the place) with my older daughter (not diagnosed yet, she’s four, but expressing obvious AS traits). Seen the reactions of people when they arrived. They weren't pleased by what they've seen.
After greetings, we all sat around the table and they started to tell my dad that he has ruined the flat and lives like a bum. He told them that it’s his life, not their problem. Then they’ve started to complain to him that he doesn’t keep in touch with his younger brothers enough. s**t, like they care. I am the only person who cares to help him when he does need help. His brothers won't even call to ask how is he doing, even though they know that he lives alone. His gf told him in front of everyone that they need to have a serious talk. I was like – “you haven’t visited him in here for past two years, making up excuses about COVID and NOW you want to have “the talk”?”. Dad told me to cut it, so I did. Needless to say, the mood wasn’t great.
Out of sudden, my kid has told me that she doesn’t want to sit by the table with these rude people and want to go to the room with fishtank (she loves to watch fish and especially snails, plus my dad keeps a small table for her in there so she can play with some toys we’ve left behind and draw/paint when we visit him). So of course, the conversation has pivoted to her - one of my uncles, who is dumb as a brick (but does have an opinion about every topic) started to ramble that I should set the rules as a father and that they see her so rarely that she should stay with them in the room and furthermore, she should apologize for calling them rude. Most people in the room agreed with him. Worst part is, these idiots are aware that kid is not an NT person (one way or another), does openly speak her mind and doesn’t like to socialise that much.
I told him that she came to visit grandpa, not to meet them and if she wants to watch fish, I’ll go there with her because I had enough. We went to the room and soon were followed by my sister and one of cousins and her bf (she likes kids and have a good connection with my daughter, so got her to play together) because they also had enough. All three left early, I had to go too, to put kid to bed as she was tired already, felt bad to leave dad with these pricks but knew that he will manage.
After that afternoon, I’ve started to hate this part of my family – my uncles, aunts and my father’s gf. They only cared about doing something “fun” to make themselves feel better, to have a party, drink alcohol, eat and talk about some bs, without taking a perspective of my dad into account. They do not want to see him, me or my kid for who we truly are, they expect of us to be like them. They complain how he does not get in touch, but do not give any reason to maintain contact. Why, because they are blood-related? F***, I’m seeing my sister like twice a year and speak with her over the phone only in case of serious matters. We respect each other, but it doesn't mean that we have a need to spend time together.
These people? They bring nothing of value into our lives and always demand to behave in certain ways. I.e. they got offended when me and my wife refused to do a “tour” of their homes with my younger kid soon after she was born (in May 2021), just so they can see her. Yeah, like it’s a perfect idea in the middle of pandemic. Half of them do not believe that pandemic is real, anyway, they think it is some conspiracy to poison people via vaccines to make them more obedient. They still haven’t got over the fact we haven’t baptized our kids and talk behind our back like it's their business. And do not accept that me and my wife are of no faith. They are all religious. But were sure to party hard and drink vodka on our religion-free wedding.
And my dad’s gf… she is living with her father whom she looks after and this is her excuse that the two cannot meet at their homes. Because COVID can kill her father and my dad is a city bus driver, so there’s a risk that he will bring it home (there is no increased risk in reality, seeing that driver’s cabin is enclosed and separated from rest of the bus). But when she needs to do something in the garden, or haul her ass somewhere and so on – she always calls my dad. She gives nothing in return and exploits the fact he is emotionally attached to her. I would be surprised if they are still having any sex.
These folks have narrow, ignorant and arrogant world-view and are mentally stuck in their 20's while they are in their 50's now and have grown-up kids. These people are garbage. F*** them.
18 Jan 2022, 2:33 pm
Why go hiding things? Why not just tell me not to use it if it's that precious? And give a valid reason why I can't use it. Not that I can think of any valid reasons why an empty plastic jug in a kitchen is out of bounds.
