scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-2.
Don't think I have been more tired in a long time. Early night for me tonight.

-1. As tired as anything, and about to have a panic attack for no good reason. I have a piece of assessment to do, and it's of a kind that I haven't done before, and the fact that it is a new thing is screwing with my head because
1. It is new (hooray for ASDs!)
2. What if I don't get it right?! (hooray for GAD!)

*attempts to calm down because this is not worth melting down over*

5. Pollen count is high, making me tired, irritable, and with clogged, inflamed sinuses. I have done two saline rinses with my Neti pot, but still feel as if I smell something nasty in my nose. I hate that! I feel self conscious, wondering if others can smell it. Bad smells drive me crazy.

-10.
2 years ago, my mental state got bad enough for me to go and see a doctor and start taking antidepressants.
Nothing seems to have changed much since then. I'm not sure it ever will. I have this crash at the same time every year- I'm tired of it.

I really really suck at academic motivation...
It can ruin a good feeling much easier than bizarre stuff such as relationship stuff and general social stuff...
academic stuff takes the biscuit... I can't keep a good mood rolling when I have that to deal with...
About 4

This is where my fluctuating easily from 4-0 victory to 4-0 defeat, comparing myself to German Bundesliga football team Werder Bremen is made so very real in a bad way...
Academics hit me, then suddenly it's a horrible defeat.
Academics go, then I'm unstoppable... it's bloody crazy... one poor mind has a hard time mustering it all.

But I'm also sure that one poor supporter has a hard time trying to work out the logic behind Werder Bremen winning 8-1 in Bundesliga then going on to lose 3-1 in Europe.

-2.
Exhausted. Workmen left a note saying they need to get in my apt at 9.30 am which means I either have to go to bed now to be up early or stay up all night and morning which I don't think I can manage.
Also, landlord's daughter is trying to get more money from me which I don't owe her. Stupid bint clearly doesn't know how to do sums.

-2. Which is surprising, given that I'm at my mothers again. I think it might be because she went to bed early, as she has to go to work tomorrow. She hasn't had too much time to criticise or shout at me. I'm also going back home tomorrow. So it isn't another three days of hell which is normal. Thank f**k for work - never thought I'd say that.

Maybe tomorrow I'll actually get into the positives! Wow!

2.

Worried, naturally, but not panicking yet; that'll be tomorrow.

I was at a 3, but I just checked my grades; the essay that I "don't need to worry about" (because I'm having such a hard time with essays this year) is in the gradebook as a 0/100 with the comment "did not turn in". Which is nice, of course.

-5.
Very worried about someone who hasn't come on and who has been very ill. Hoping he has just been sleeping

8 -- at the moment.

5. nervous, concerned, can't think of the "right" word. Just waiting to hear from someone, and not liking the wait.

Still -5.
No sign of Flagg, and mind thinking up worst case scenarios given his condition.

-8.
He never came on. Wouldn't mind so much were it not for his being in icu. Hoping it will be nothing serious and then I can just feel stupid for making such a fuss.