This will be longer than most, but will allow me to get some internal s**t out.
Dear cousin,
Today (3-25-07) is your 18th Birthday, as I understand. As of today, you are considered a legal age adult. You are now old enough to buy and smoke cigarettes like a damn pig the way your mom and dad both do, if you wanted to. I don't think you really do though, atleast as well as I know you. You enjoy sports and being active. Heard you broke your ankle not too long ago in a soccer game. tough break.
I should probably care enough to wish you a happy birthday. I DONT though. Nor do I care to see you or speak to you. I am REALLLLLLY dreading this summer when you have your graduation party, and the entire family will be expecting me there. I will make it a point to not enjoy it too much, and make it a point to say as little as possible to you and your dad while not giving the impression upon them or anyone that I want nothing to do with you.
We were close when we were little, as you well know. and im not unrealistic. since you're 6 years younger than me, of couse we're going to grow apart as you get older and more independent with your own friends. But aint it funny how things really get distorted when someone in the family has a neurological disorder that almost noone understands. You wern't very old at all when you realized I was really different somehow. You were maybe 4 and I was 10. You were already on your way to a normal, healthy childhood, socially and all. Meanwhile, I had like ZERO real friends at school, and even though I would get along with everyone, I was just so weird and strange that I never had a bunch of friends coming and going, nor to hang with in a group, as most normal ten-year olds do. I remember very well the time it was made clear that you knew, even from the age of four, that I was messed up. Somehow. You were at my parent's house on a sleepover. I was in the next room and I heard you asking my dad "Uncle Mike, does Eric have friends at his school?". My dad replied "Yes, he does". Which, in a way, wasn't lying. I was friendly with most any kid, and at school- in an adult-controlled environment- they generally accepted me and let me participate in whatever was going on at the playground, and some would talk to me while at school, etc. But we all know what they say about a half-truth...... Its still a whole-lie.
So why am I so disgusted with you? *trying my best to explain without this getting too long*. Lets just say, the situations where and you I both had some friends in common, despite the age difference. I understand you want to hang with them, but you dont have to make it so f*****g obvious you'd rather be with them and run off without me (or make me ride somewhere by myself while you go with them), while they are MY FRIENDS TOO!! !! !! Like the time we hung out at the Anberlin/Emery concert. I got us both tix and you paid me for yours. Yet you call me like 2 days before the show and say Ill have to drive there by myself because you have to ride with Thomas, or whoever, for no reason whatsoever. You also didnt seem to give a f**k that night, once I got in there and it was packed, whether or not I found you guys or not, despite the fact that you knew I didnt have anyone else there with me. You wouldn't have given a f**k if I didnt find you and had to watch the show all by myself, with groups of strangers all around me, all talking to each other. HOW THE DAMN f**k would you like to be in a situation like that?! I would never have done that to you.
Theres other times when you me and your friends, as well as my friends (some in common), were hanging out and it was the same damn s**t, just different examples. You try to subtly pull them away from me while you improve your social status with them. You just dont give a f**k if i have noone to talk to and you're right there. how sick is that?! just how sick are you????
If you saw Ben (not using his real name), who has to be my best real friend right now, alot, then you'd probably be doing the same s**t to him and he wouldnt have time for me. Nor would i be able to have such a good friend because you're so smooth socially and you use your abilites to manipulate people. To manipulate them against me and towards you.
You thought the s**t Jessica* pulled on me was right, even though shes a lying b***h. to lie to me and pretend to like me and be my friend, and to fake forgiveness the way she did, especially when she and I without a doubt used to be such good friends. Now you hang out and you're probably happy she dont like me anymore, and that she hurt me the way she did.
the day your dad completely went off on me last summer, and was uncalled for, you just smiled and told me to "forget it its over". he had no reason to pull that s**t and he'll just do it again if i let him.
A couple years ago when I attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital, you claimed that It was one of the longest weeks of your life and was glad i pulled through. Ive now come to the conclusion that that was a freaking lie too.
I'm sorry im not good enough for you, as*hole. But you wont see me getting fooled by it anymore. I may have some problems with social skills and communication, but that doesn't make me a dumbass. You dont have to treat me like one.
May I never see you again, and make many more friends, AWESOME FRIENDS, that you never ever meet. I will have so many good times and great memories, my life will be complete and full, much more fulfilling than yours.
-Eric
25 Mar 2007, 11:56 am
Wha???
