Why do people on this forum always side with women?

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It's called 'white-knighting'. Just tip your virtual fedora at them.

Sly....

We don't always side with women, JUST like we don't always side with other men, but when a woman has a point I will side with her....because she is right. Her gender is a side issue to her being a human being first

Don't get me wrong. I am sick of the invisible sexism that decent men are expected to tolerate when women would go mad over similar things. But that in no way takes away from the wrongness of how they are often treated by jerks.

If you paid attention to some of the women on this forum you would realize that many of them have spoken out about how men are treated.

Some women are a***holes, just like some men are. You need to see the women who have mistreated you in that light.
Also ask yourself what you may have done....and yes NT women don't understand us, blah blah. We can't expect them always to, just to be open to our perspective. Some won't be...that's fine just move on.

Not so at all. Being part of a minority (autism) I understand the tyranny of the majority. Women are a minority, number-wise no, but power wise, yes-- being autistic allows me an opportunity to empathize since both groups share that common experience. As a rape/abuse survivor, a rape survivor who was robbed of any justice due to the rapist's "social status", I can empathize with the women that go through that experience and even women who haven't been raped but are frightened by male aggression. My experience leads me to my conclusions on gender issues, not some cheap concept like "white knight" and I refuse to let you undercut my experience with such a claim.

I don't mind being a "white knight" sometimes.

Fedoras look cool.

I agree- the advantage of a paid dating site is that folks who are willing to pay for it have some skin in the game.

That being said, the cost of joining is pretty low - eharmony's only about $15 per month if you wait for a sale.

I also agree that sly's throwing SO much of his happiness on a future sweetie - and has coupled it with a hairtrigger sense of rejection, ie girl who doesn't reply to his second message is reason for devastatioN.

Some people are happy being single. Some aren't happy being single. The latter group can't magically transform themselves into the former. You can deny it all you want, I think some people really do need companionship to be happy. You seem to think it isn't a big deal. Maybe not when you're young. The fact is in our society, people tend to grow more distant from friends the older they get. It's because we're all forced to have things things called "careers" that don't give us time for companionship outside of romance. You know, capitalism. We're supposed to spend half our waking life interacting superficially with superficial acquaintances and/or the general public.

I'm sorry but that's BS. If you have time for a girlfriend, you have time for friends in place of a girlfriend. Companionship of good friends can be just as rewarding as romantic relationships. I know this because there have been periods of time in my life when I had a romantic relationship but not good friends, and times when I've had a good friend but no romantic relationships. I think devaluing friendship and what it can contribute to a person's life is one of the big problems with a lot of lonely aspies around here. I have been single for a long time now (years--I won't say how many because it's kind of embarrassing how long it's been), but I have a good friend that I've known for years with which I share pretty much everything in my life. A good friendship like that, where each of you chooses every day to be a part of each other's life just because we appreciate who the other person is and trust them completely and not because we feel obligated or want anything from each other other than companionship and understanding, is a precious thing in life and if you find it it's very hard to feel lonely with it.

So many people around here talk about friendships as if they serve no purpose or hold no inherent value. I feel very sorry for anyone who feels that way, because you really don't understand what you're missing out on unnecessarily because you can't see the value that's there. It's a terrible shame that either you've never had the chance to learn what the value of good friendship can truly be or you just never cared to learn.

I think you underestimate(or are discounting) how hard it is to make friends and how easy it is to lose them, I think that's where a lot this longing for a romantic partner comes in since most friends the typical Aspie have end up bailing and or even worse stabbing you in the back so something more committed seems appealing. I don't think too many people here don't value friends, they just don't have many if any at all. If you are happy with you life and feel it has meaning then more power to you, I don't think it is issue of not seeing the forest for its trees for most people tho not appreciating what they have. 'It's a Wonderful Life' doesn't do anything for me, some people just are that marginalized. Companionship in general is hard to come by.

Can't cuddle friends.

I have seen the opposite occur. It is simply an ecological fallacy to make such generalizations.

Any paid dating site minimizes demographics of potential dates to those with income to afford it.

In reality, it is merely a question of probability. Any one can wind up betraying anyone in a relationship.

This is why I have fur babies. Pets love to be cuddled. Between my pets and my best friend, I really don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Companionship is what you make of it.

And to Jacoby--romantic relationships can end just as easily as friendships can, there is no more guarantee of security there than in any other kind of relationship between people. I realise that good friends are hard to find and can be hard to hold on to (especially if you don't appreciate what you have when you find it and let it slip away)--but that just makes it that much more important to highly value good friends on the rare occasions when you do find them in life, and to let them know how much they mean to you. I think it's because we both recognise how rare and therefore how precious our relationship is that my best friend and I are so committed to each other. We are like family, even better than the kind you are born into because we weren't stuck with each other like blood relatives--we chose each other.

I still think there is a lot of devaluation of friendship around these parts and it makes me sad, because not valuing the companionship of friends as much of romantic relationships makes life a lot harder (and a lot lonelier) than it has to be.

As we've discussed, your pets okiness with being held and cuddled isn't tru for all pets. Most animals I've had do not like to be cuddled. They like to lay next to you and be petted or not touched, that is not cuddling. Cuddling is when a couple wrap their arms around each other for long period of times while sitting or laying down.

I have a strong need to be held which can only happen with a gf. No one else or any animal can ever fulfill that need.


I don't have many friends anymore, friends are for doing activities together. I can't afford to do activists neither can they.

I haven't hung out with Another non family person in months

I'm well aware of that, I'm just saying I'm not sure finding a friend like that is any easier than finding romantic partner. Anybody can betray you, a lot of people you might think are your friends but are really not and as you get older even the decent folk move on with their lives. Men in general seem to become more isolated and separated from friends as they get older, less social and less willing to share with each other. Married men and those in relationships usually focus on that. I think I'd have an easier time picking someone up at the bar than making trustworthy adult male friend.

The person I guess I would of called my best friend at one time(the friendship was always much more important to me than it was him) ended up getting girlfriend and got hooked on heroin not long after, last time I ever heard from him he borrowed $40 from me so I guess that is how much that friendship was worth. It wasn't a healthy friendship anyways nor was really anyone's I knew since it mostly amounted to just pounding back massive amounts of hard liquor.

Funny story. I had a close friend once upon a time. Then he found himself a girlfriend and lost all interest in me. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

I want to be the most important person in someone's life, and them in mine. Not the third, not the second, the single most important. Why should I waste time on someone who sees me as below others?