I don't know whats wrong with me

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@beakybird I don't mean to be cautious for months and months. I do decide I like someone quicker than that, but I never know what to do. And because of my anxiety I just panic or freeze up and I look uninterested unintentionally. To me, because I'm so panicky, I feel like it's completely obvious when I like someone.

Next time I meet meet someone I like I'm just going to go for it and make it clear that I'm asking them on a date. I'm not going through this stress again.

Sweetie just a random out if the box thought here: are you aware that some of the guys here like you? And are interested in getting to know you better?

Maybe start your practice here on WP, a safe space

whichever is available.

that is a good usable cognitive strategy you CAN control your thoughts. the human mind can only hold one discrete thought in working memory at any time, so if you are thinking sad thoughts, that is your reality- but if you boot that thought out by replacing/overwriting it with another non-sad thought, you have just changed your momentary reality at least for the time being, to something not sad. it is a matter of repeatedly doing this until it is a habit, that will be helpful to you. you are still young enough and have enough time left, to find and attract a suitable mate for you.

You're spreading rumors. tsk tsk.

I like reading Hurtloam's posts because I feel like I can identify with her. I don't feel like there is anything wrong with me yet women just don't seem to be interested in a relationship with me. Basically everything she is saying I feel the same thing about myself.

Being obvious about liking someone is sort of the point isnt it? Maybe alot of women like playing the game of acting like they arent, but I know I simply dont get it. Probably many other guys too.

If you can manage to ovrercome your anxiety, just being direct can never be a bad thing.

Maybe I should rephrase. I feel like it's obvious when I like a man and I feel like he knows that I like him and when he doesn't ask me out I feel rejected.

I know, you're all going to say, "then you have to ask him out instead!"

Women aren't encouraged to do the asking. If you're already anxious it's hard to push yourself through that already existing barrier of social expectation.

Women even tell each other, "if he likes you he'll let you know".

So you feel like, as a woman, you're not desirable if you are the one that has to be direct. You feel like you're doing it wrong. I've heard women saying, "if I have to ask, the answer is probably no"

I know that's pretty stupid, but it's how it is.

it may only be "obvious" to yourself, that he knows that you like him. most men can't read minds, or you may still be putting out distancing vibes and not notice it. the lack of a certain nominal amount of forwardness can seem to many shy men as a rejection or blatant display of disinterest. if one expects men to carry the burden of establishing a relationship, that may result in a long wait for satisfaction.

it is not necessarily true in all or even most cases, that "if he like you, he'll let you know." women who tell each other that are not helping this situation.

Well, let me ask you... Do you care more about results-- getting a boyfriend, or more about what's the 'right way' to do things by someone else's expectations?

But I see your point. It's hard on either gender if you get anxiety over approaching people. As I've said, the idea terrifies me, and the weight of 'expectation' naturally falls on me as the man. Thus, 'if he likes you he'll let you know'. I can tell you first hand, as a man, this is not universally true. So I empathize.

I could see where the rejection would come from dropping hints and having him not take the initiative.

Now forgive me if you already answered but I didnt feel like scrolling all the way back through, what is the setting where you are trying to meet these men? Work? Going out places? What?

Setting is - meeting friends of friends. I can't remember where I've met half of these men. Parties, out for hikes, out for meals, that sort of thing.

Only ever met one guy I liked through work. I usually only work for small companies, so there's not much scope.

Met one guy at university. We were in the same classes.

Yeah they've all been from different backgrounds and we're quite different kinds of personalities.

Do you think you come off as desperate maybe? I've been told that really puts people off, even if you think you're not coming off as desperate, if you feel it, people know. Like animals. They just know...

I could understand why you're frustrated. I mean, from the sounds of things, there doesn't appear to be anything 'wrong' with you... maybe it's just the kinds of guys you go for?

Have you ever tried to enlist the help of a friend to sort of help things along. Women do that sorta thing...

I love how men assume to know what sorts of things women do lol

My single female friends are all in the same boat as me and we're all just bewildered. We don't know what to do.

I was talking to someone last week who was saying her friend has met loads of guys on dating sites, but no one wants to have anything more than a one night stand, so she had a break for a yearish and thought she'd try Tinder instead... And it's just all the same blokes

The married / in relationships friends are all just like, "oh well, never mind"

No one wants to help.

I think we're just living in a very odd social age. I wonder how things will be in 20 years time and how the next generation will get on with dating?

so you don't like the idea of a matchmaker?

Yes, I think that would help, but who to ask?

mebbe one or more of the following?-
https://www.electclub.co.uk/meet-with-us/ [this one offers coaching]
https://www.kelleher-international.com/london-uk.html
http://www.matchmakerlondon.co.uk/free-matchmaking/