Found out Wife is Having an Affair

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I am so sorry as well...
I will say a prayer for you...

Update
Update - I was waiting for my wife to drive the last nail into my heart by emailing the boyfriend again. She did email him again. However I did not find this out until I got home from the Gym around 5pm. My wife came outside and said that we needed to talk. We both sat down and she told me that she is having a harder time then she thought trying to separate herself from the guy. For once she was honest with me. She came to me this time. She told me she doesn't know what she should do. I told her the ball is in her court. She then confessed that that there were emails being sent back and forth between her and him. Some more honesty. She asked me if we could ever have a loving committed relationship. I told her no because I do not trust her and I wasn't going to play second fiddle to another guy. She asked me what she should do. I said I couldn’t make the decision for her. I told her my opinion that even if we split up that I think she should permanently end the relationship with the guy. I said what they have is tainted and even if they did end up together their relationship would still be tainted. I told her she could do better than him. The reason she wanted to talk to me because I think she finally realized that what she has been doing over the last 20 months is destructive. She told me what she really wants is to have a living committed relationship with me. No more BS, no more guy. She sent the guy an email (see next post to read email) to cut it off. She said that she would do whatever I want her to do in order to earn my trust. Do I believe her? For the moment I actually do because she came to me this time. Will she keep her word? I do not have a clue. I think she thinks she wants to try. The question is will she cave and go back to her own ways? I don't know. The odds are still against are marriage working. She asked me what I wanted. I told her a wife that actually loves me. I wife that I can actually trust and that is loyal and that I count out. And finally one that is not out to fu** me over.
I just want to thank you all for your support and advice. I would have lost it if it weren’t for all of you that offered support and your advice. Whether you agree or disagree with the decisions that I've made I just want to let you know you are all truly amazing and I care about you all immensely.
Dave

Letter from my wife to the boyfriend. What are you thoughts?

Kevin,
I sent you an e-mail earlier tonight, but realized when I sent it that by covertly contacting you, I am only repeating the events of the last 20 months, and it is not getting me any closer to what I really want in life, which is to have a REAL relationship to share with the world, and one that is not tainted with guilt and shame. Therefore, although I know this will be extremely hard for both of us, I feel we need to cut off all contact, calls and e-mails. I know that I told you in our conversation yesterday, that I felt otherwise, as I was thinking today, and sending the last e-mail, I just don't think it's really possible to move on with my life without this step.
In addition, I cannot really move on without giving my marriage a REAL chance of survival. I cannot do that by living the double life I have lived this past 20 months. There is no way to really commit to trying, when I really only have one foot in, the other on the side with you. I feel like this is what is best for me at this time, and I know that's what you want for me.
But, I cannot send this without telling you how much your friendship means to me. I am SO thankful that I met you. I have you to thank for believing in myself again. You helped me regain my self-esteem, and for that I will always be grateful. You have been a very important person, and my memories of you will always be fond ones, and I wish nothing but the best for you.
So, I am asking you not to contact me further, and I will be doing the same.
Thank you again for everything.
Your friend,
Kathy

Thank God immensely that it sounds like your wife is coming to her senses! I whole-heartedly hope that everything works out for you guys and that you guys work together towards the loving, commited relationship that you both desire...
You and your wife have our support! And I will keep praying for you guys...

Last edited by sunnycat on 04 Jun 2007, 4:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

that email seems final, i think it is truthful. he would probably send one back. good luck davesaint, you deserve some now !

'

One thought is that she seems committed to making your marriage work again. The other is that you should ask a moderator to remove this whole thread now. If your wife ever finds this thread, she will feel betrayed, and everything you and she are going to build up will fall apart again. If she knows you visit WP, it would be easy enough for her to join, and she could stumble across this thread. Get rid of it.

Gromit

She knows about the thread now. I do not think she's read it though. I'm not worried about it. You guys were there for me when she wasn't. Maybe it should be removed now. I'll think about it.

Dave

its her wrong deed that caused this!
why should you have to take the thread away for something she did?

Hi im glad that things are in your court now, i think trust with her would be a big issue now, but the final choice is yours i just hope things work out the way you want them to, you deserve the best you take care love and hugs Lefthand xxx

Dave doesn't have to, I just expressed the opinion that it would be both kind and a good idea if he did. Even if everyone else thinks his wife deserves to have her emails preserved here for everyone to look at who joins WP, and even if his wife agrees that he has a right to do so, I doubt she would feel happy or that it will make things easy for her. This is about emotion, which often has only a loose connection to reason. I think it plausible that Dave's wife sees the whole thing as a private matter between the four people directly involved and would feel betrayed not by him asking advice in general terms, but by him quoting her emails. I see that as a risk to repairing the marriage. Even if Dave, for the sake of honesty tells her exactly what he put into the thread, I think it would be good to take the thread down now. It would be kind, and there is no reason to leave it up. From this moment on at the latest, there is no need for anyone else to know the contents of the emails. She screwed up, she seems determined to do right now, why not make it easy on her? That is more productive than putting her in the stocks, whether she deserves it or not.

Gromit

Last edited by Gromit on 04 Jun 2007, 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been through this too. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I'm full
of compassion towards you right now.

Thoca,

Did your marriage end or were you both able to salvage it? If it ended, all long ago? How are you doing now?

Dave

It did not end well for me. I was pretty messed up for quite a while, but it has been six years now...
I read your posts and the pain of what you are going through becomes very real for me. I hope
that you can make things work out for you.

i hope things work out for you, dave

maybe she is coming to her senses.

still, take care of yourself

Sorry Thoca. Thanks Sedaka. Time will tell.

Dave