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I feel hopeless and wann just stop living.

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auntblabby
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04 Jan 2018, 7:43 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
thank you :flower: it was just about the only job that paid me more than minimum wage, just right for somebody with no college degree, just OJT. got laid off when my health went to pot, thanks to Shrub. [pres. GW bush, the "little" bush ;) ] anyways, if I coulda gotten any other job even at half the pay, I woulda ditched that popsicle stand long ago.


Yikes. Isn't it great, that little catch-22 called College? :roll: HA. Shrub, I like that. I bet. I'd like to say at least there are more options now, but there really aren't. Though it's not as bad here as it was around 2010-2012. DISHWASHER jobs required 2 years experience. That was hands down the most obnoxious job wanted ad I'd ever seen.

I was a dishwasher, not for long, just a short job before I joined the army and in army basic. got my fill of it in the army during KP ["Kitchen Police" which is army talk for dishwashing at the mess hall].


My cousin just went into the army. He's a good kid, determined but very sweet on the inside. I hope it doesn't change his nature. I know it's usually not the case, but you never know.

I hope you pray for him and write him lots and remember him on xmas/birthday etc. you can make a difference.



LittleCoyoteKat
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04 Jan 2018, 7:57 pm

auntblabby wrote:
I hope you pray for him and write him lots and remember him on xmas/birthday etc. you can make a difference.


Think so? I don't know. He's an in-law, we're not close. Plus, no self-pity or exaggeration or anything like that, but I genuinely don't see that my presence or interaction has ever made a difference with anyone. I'm able to (all intents and purposes, not like being kidnapped or anything) disappear for days to weeks, sometimes months from people's lives and they don't notice at all.


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auntblabby
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04 Jan 2018, 8:11 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I hope you pray for him and write him lots and remember him on xmas/birthday etc. you can make a difference.


Think so? I don't know. He's an in-law, we're not close. Plus, no self-pity or exaggeration or anything like that, but I genuinely don't see that my presence or interaction has ever made a difference with anyone. I'm able to (all intents and purposes, not like being kidnapped or anything) disappear for days to weeks, sometimes months from people's lives and they don't notice at all.

it is largely the same with me, but now and then I seem to be helpful to a few people here and there. it is worth a try in any case. I am reminded of the movie "it's a wonderful life" where protagonist George Bailey despaired that his life had amounted to anything and wished he'd never been born, and his guardian angel granted him a look at what would have happened had he never been born. and it wasn't pretty. IOW one never can know for sure that one's positive actions did not affect somebody else in some positive manner, and it is better to try and not know than to not try and know for certain.



sly279
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04 Jan 2018, 8:13 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
thank you :flower: it was just about the only job that paid me more than minimum wage, just right for somebody with no college degree, just OJT. got laid off when my health went to pot, thanks to Shrub. [pres. GW bush, the "little" bush ;) ] anyways, if I coulda gotten any other job even at half the pay, I woulda ditched that popsicle stand long ago.


Yikes. Isn't it great, that little catch-22 called College? :roll: HA. Shrub, I like that. I bet. I'd like to say at least there are more options now, but there really aren't. Though it's not as bad here as it was around 2010-2012. DISHWASHER jobs required 2 years experience. That was hands down the most obnoxious job wanted ad I'd ever seen.

I was a dishwasher, not for long, just a short job before I joined the army and in army basic. got my fill of it in the army during KP ["Kitchen Police" which is army talk for dishwashing at the mess hall].


My cousin just went into the army. He's a good kid, determined but very sweet on the inside. I hope it doesn't change his nature. I know it's usually not the case, but you never know.


Lucky him. I wish I could joined the marines but th is government though forbids others from discrimination, discriminate themselves. So I can’t join. I can’t do the only thing I’d be good do and useful for. And on top of it I get mocked and insulted for not serving.



sly279
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04 Jan 2018, 8:15 pm

auntblabby wrote:
LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
I hope you pray for him and write him lots and remember him on xmas/birthday etc. you can make a difference.


Think so? I don't know. He's an in-law, we're not close. Plus, no self-pity or exaggeration or anything like that, but I genuinely don't see that my presence or interaction has ever made a difference with anyone. I'm able to (all intents and purposes, not like being kidnapped or anything) disappear for days to weeks, sometimes months from people's lives and they don't notice at all.

it is largely the same with me, but now and then I seem to be helpful to a few people here and there. it is worth a try in any case. I am reminded of the movie "it's a wonderful life" where protagonist George Bailey despaired that his life had amounted to anything and wished he'd never been born, and his guardian angel granted him a look at what would have happened had he never been born. and it wasn't pretty. IOW one never can know for sure that one's positive actions did not affect somebody else in some positive manner, and it is better to try and not know than to not try and know for certain.


I help people. But to them I’m just a lonely servant. They won’t remember me and don’t care about me. They look down and spit on me. They wish me dead but won’t let me kill myself. I hate people.



LittleCoyoteKat
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04 Jan 2018, 8:17 pm

auntblabby wrote:
it is largely the same with me, but now and then I seem to be helpful to a few people here and there. it is worth a try in any case. I am reminded of the movie "it's a wonderful life" where protagonist George Bailey despaired that his life had amounted to anything and wished he'd never been born, and his guardian angel granted him a look at what would have happened had he never been born. and it wasn't pretty. IOW one never can know for sure that one's positive actions did not affect somebody else in some positive manner, and it is better to try and not know than to not try and know for certain.


Yes, I suppose you're right. I'll get the mailing address from his Mother when we see them this weekend.


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I am a Bookwyrm.


auntblabby
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04 Jan 2018, 8:18 pm

hate is largely a waste of one's energy. :idea:



auntblabby
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04 Jan 2018, 8:19 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
it is largely the same with me, but now and then I seem to be helpful to a few people here and there. it is worth a try in any case. I am reminded of the movie "it's a wonderful life" where protagonist George Bailey despaired that his life had amounted to anything and wished he'd never been born, and his guardian angel granted him a look at what would have happened had he never been born. and it wasn't pretty. IOW one never can know for sure that one's positive actions did not affect somebody else in some positive manner, and it is better to try and not know than to not try and know for certain.


Yes, I suppose you're right. I'll get the mailing address from his Mother when we see them this weekend.

that's the spirit :wtg:



LittleCoyoteKat
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04 Jan 2018, 8:24 pm

sly279 wrote:
Lucky him. I wish I could joined the marines but th is government though forbids others from discrimination, discriminate themselves. So I can’t join. I can’t do the only thing I’d be good do and useful for. And on top of it I get mocked and insulted for not serving.


Lucky has yet to be determined. If something bad happens to him, he won't be so lucky, and we'll all be rather heartbroken.
I was going to go into the Marines. But my then-uncontrollable anger issues, aggression, tendency towards violence and predisposition to hating people in general kind of prohibited that. I would've been a danger to everyone, honestly. I came from an abusive broken home and so I was ready to hurt people and it didn't matter much who, as I felt everyone was a monster in hiding.
I'm sorry that's done to you. It's very unfair.


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I am a Bookwyrm.


sly279
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04 Jan 2018, 8:42 pm

LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Lucky him. I wish I could joined the marines but th is government though forbids others from discrimination, discriminate themselves. So I can’t join. I can’t do the only thing I’d be good do and useful for. And on top of it I get mocked and insulted for not serving.


Lucky has yet to be determined. If something bad happens to him, he won't be so lucky, and we'll all be rather heartbroken.
I was going to go into the Marines. But my then-uncontrollable anger issues, aggression, tendency towards violence and predisposition to hating people in general kind of prohibited that. I would've been a danger to everyone, honestly. I came from an abusive broken home and so I was ready to hurt people and it didn't matter much who, as I felt everyone was a monster in hiding.
I'm sorry that's done to you. It's very unfair.


At this point I’d welcome dying in combat it’s all I’d be good at and could be good at. I. Useless. The government took away my only purpose in life.
I was instantly rejected for having aspergers . They won’t even talk to me.
He’ll probably be fine unless North Korea starts something, we more or less in peace time or closer one gets to peace time with global terror. My ex friends are all in the military for years and been fine. Military changed them all. It’ll likely change your cousin. It changes everyone. Their interest and priorities change.



auntblabby
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04 Jan 2018, 8:43 pm

sly279 wrote:
LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Lucky him. I wish I could joined the marines but th is government though forbids others from discrimination, discriminate themselves. So I can’t join. I can’t do the only thing I’d be good do and useful for. And on top of it I get mocked and insulted for not serving.


Lucky has yet to be determined. If something bad happens to him, he won't be so lucky, and we'll all be rather heartbroken.
I was going to go into the Marines. But my then-uncontrollable anger issues, aggression, tendency towards violence and predisposition to hating people in general kind of prohibited that. I would've been a danger to everyone, honestly. I came from an abusive broken home and so I was ready to hurt people and it didn't matter much who, as I felt everyone was a monster in hiding.
I'm sorry that's done to you. It's very unfair.


At this point I’d welcome dying in combat it’s all I’d be good at and could be good at. I. Useless. The government took away my only purpose in life.
I was instantly rejected for having aspergers . They won’t even talk to me.
He’ll probably be fine unless North Korea starts something, we more or less in peace time or closer one gets to peace time with global terror. My ex friends are all in the military for years and been fine. Military changed them all. It’ll likely change your cousin. It changes everyone. Their interest and priorities change.

this vet begs to differ, it didn't change me other than to make me MUCH more stubborn.



LittleCoyoteKat
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04 Jan 2018, 8:48 pm

sly279 wrote:
I was instantly rejected for having aspergers . They won’t even talk to me.


I'm sorry. I know how it feels to be rejected by family. Very well. Rejection and I are very old "friends". It's complete BS to reject someone for something that's not harmful and can't be controlled.

sly279 wrote:
He’ll probably be fine unless North Korea starts something, we more or less in peace time or closer one gets to peace time with global terror. My ex friends are all in the military for years and been fine. Military changed them all. It’ll likely change your cousin. It changes everyone. Their interest and priorities change.


I'm aware. However, if there's anything in life that can be counted on and bet upon, it's change. Like Coyotes I anticipate change and am not fool enough to believe that I can trust in much other than myself.
I know it does. I've known plenty of military, my Best Friend is a Marine and my Grandfather was a Paratrooper, to name two. But life itself changes people, traumas in particular. I'm nothing like the person I was 10 years ago, nothing at all.


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I am a Bookwyrm.


sly279
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04 Jan 2018, 8:51 pm

auntblabby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Lucky him. I wish I could joined the marines but th is government though forbids others from discrimination, discriminate themselves. So I can’t join. I can’t do the only thing I’d be good do and useful for. And on top of it I get mocked and insulted for not serving.


Lucky has yet to be determined. If something bad happens to him, he won't be so lucky, and we'll all be rather heartbroken.
I was going to go into the Marines. But my then-uncontrollable anger issues, aggression, tendency towards violence and predisposition to hating people in general kind of prohibited that. I would've been a danger to everyone, honestly. I came from an abusive broken home and so I was ready to hurt people and it didn't matter much who, as I felt everyone was a monster in hiding.
I'm sorry that's done to you. It's very unfair.


At this point I’d welcome dying in combat it’s all I’d be good at and could be good at. I. Useless. The government took away my only purpose in life.
I was instantly rejected for having aspergers . They won’t even talk to me.
He’ll probably be fine unless North Korea starts something, we more or less in peace time or closer one gets to peace time with global terror. My ex friends are all in the military for years and been fine. Military changed them all. It’ll likely change your cousin. It changes everyone. Their interest and priorities change.

this vet begs to differ, it didn't change me other than to make me MUCH more stubborn.


So you came out the same as the young 18 old as you went in? If so not many do.
My friends loved video games before they went in and came out hating the,. It grew them up, video games are for kids they say. They got gfs now wife’s :( and starting families while I’m exactly the same as when I was 18 just more a loser for epbeing 30.
My friends younger brother is like 21 and just got married he’s in the marines. If I’d joined I’d probably have a wife and 4 kids by now :( instead of being a worthless loser



LittleCoyoteKat
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04 Jan 2018, 8:52 pm

auntblabby wrote:
this vet begs to differ, it didn't change me other than to make me MUCH more stubborn.


:lol:


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I am a Bookwyrm.


auntblabby
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04 Jan 2018, 8:53 pm

sly279 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
sly279 wrote:
LittleCoyoteKat wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Lucky him. I wish I could joined the marines but th is government though forbids others from discrimination, discriminate themselves. So I can’t join. I can’t do the only thing I’d be good do and useful for. And on top of it I get mocked and insulted for not serving.


Lucky has yet to be determined. If something bad happens to him, he won't be so lucky, and we'll all be rather heartbroken.
I was going to go into the Marines. But my then-uncontrollable anger issues, aggression, tendency towards violence and predisposition to hating people in general kind of prohibited that. I would've been a danger to everyone, honestly. I came from an abusive broken home and so I was ready to hurt people and it didn't matter much who, as I felt everyone was a monster in hiding.
I'm sorry that's done to you. It's very unfair.


At this point I’d welcome dying in combat it’s all I’d be good at and could be good at. I. Useless. The government took away my only purpose in life.
I was instantly rejected for having aspergers . They won’t even talk to me.
He’ll probably be fine unless North Korea starts something, we more or less in peace time or closer one gets to peace time with global terror. My ex friends are all in the military for years and been fine. Military changed them all. It’ll likely change your cousin. It changes everyone. Their interest and priorities change.

this vet begs to differ, it didn't change me other than to make me MUCH more stubborn.


So you came out the same as the young 18 old as you went in? If so not many do.
My friends loved video games before they went in and came out hating the,. It grew them up, video games are for kids they say. They got gfs now wife’s :( and starting families while I’m exactly the same as when I was 18 just more a loser for epbeing 30.
My friends younger brother is like 21 and just got married he’s in the marines. If I’d joined I’d probably have a wife and 4 kids by now :( instead of being a worthless loser

as humans generally inexpert at predicting the future, there is also the chance you could have turned out like I did.



southy333
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04 Jan 2018, 9:01 pm

I read this thread and I empathize with OP... Some of us just cannot attract the right people or people at all, I've went through most of my life so far extremely isolated..Never had a bf and have been taken advantage of by men from online where I looked for dates. Mental illness has made me a pariah and I often wallow in my misery. -.- What keeps me alive is to forget the noise and think about nice things but it's really hard dealing with severely depressive repetetive thoughts... I have given up on my life for the most part. I am a NEET.. I am afraid of killing myself because of a hellish altered state as a result

Well I think i have to disable this account and make a new one, because this is a common username I use in toxic chatrooms...Don't want a bad person to look me up on here