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Amity
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23 Mar 2019, 6:54 am

I am sorry to read that you are feeling this way, it sucks.
A distraction of sorts can work for me, focussing on what i have in my life that i know for certain that others do not have helped to rebalance the thoughts about loneliness. It took a while to get it to work the way i wanted to and i dont always succeed, but it helped me at a low point.



hurtloam
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23 Mar 2019, 8:23 am

I do that for a while, but every-so-often the loneliness hits me overwhelmingly.

Especially if I've been hanging out with someone I really like. I just feel ugly and not good enough.

It happens every single time. I'm never enough.



hurtloam
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23 Mar 2019, 8:32 am

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The Grand Inquisitor
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23 Mar 2019, 8:54 am

hurtloam wrote:
I do that for a while, but every-so-often the loneliness hits me overwhelmingly.

Especially if I've been hanging out with someone I really like. I just feel ugly and not good enough.

It happens every single time. I'm never enough.

So what is your aversion with tinder and dating sites? The more people you expose yourself to, the more chances you'll have to find someone with whom you're compatible, and keeping your options open that way will help fend off oneitis. How often do you meet new guys anyway?



hurtloam
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23 Mar 2019, 9:03 am

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I do that for a while, but every-so-often the loneliness hits me overwhelmingly.

Especially if I've been hanging out with someone I really like. I just feel ugly and not good enough.

It happens every single time. I'm never enough.

So what is your aversion with tinder and dating sites? The more people you expose yourself to, the more chances you'll have to find someone with whom you're compatible, and keeping your options open that way will help fend off oneitis. How often do you meet new guys anyway?


It's exhausting. I don't have the energy. It feels fake. I wish it had never been invented. I want a real relationship.

I could also end up dead in a ditch. You don't know who these people on tinder are.



sly279
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23 Mar 2019, 2:04 pm

hurtloam wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I do that for a while, but every-so-often the loneliness hits me overwhelmingly.

Especially if I've been hanging out with someone I really like. I just feel ugly and not good enough.

It happens every single time. I'm never enough.

So what is your aversion with tinder and dating sites? The more people you expose yourself to, the more chances you'll have to find someone with whom you're compatible, and keeping your options open that way will help fend off oneitis. How often do you meet new guys anyway?


It's exhausting. I don't have the energy. It feels fake. I wish it had never been invented. I want a real relationship.

I could also end up dead in a ditch. You don't know who these people on tinder are.

Most people are killed by people close to them, long term friends or family.
So dating a guy you’ve known for years could end up dead in ditch too. You meet publicly for dates to be safe, I get your concern I’ve been afraid going to dates, I tell my family when and where I’m going and how long I should be .

I’m glad dating sites were invented, I’d never had a single date without them. Women in person won’t even talk to me just like most women on dating sites, but I met a few who did who’d id never met in person. I’ve never talked to any women in person, never gone on a date with any I met in person. Long ago I attempted to with one but she was in a relationship. Dating sites you know their single. In person it see,s all women are in relationships I’ve hardly meet any at work who are single.
I wish I could win lotter and move to a place with more average single women who are poor. I seem to live in a area where most everyone is physically fit, gorgeous and successful


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Map84
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23 Mar 2019, 4:49 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Ugh! I'm fooling myself. He's not interested.

No 0ne ever is.


I don't think that's possible, I think it can seem that way, but to the right person I'm sure you've lots to offer each other, it's just finding him that's the tough part.
Is there any specific reason what you think of as to what is going wrong, maybe there's some ideas/advice people have to improve your chances at finding a good guy.


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hurtloam
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23 Mar 2019, 9:38 pm

Map84 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ugh! I'm fooling myself. He's not interested.

No 0ne ever is.


I don't think that's possible, I think it can seem that way, but to the right person I'm sure you've lots to offer each other, it's just finding him that's the tough part.
Is there any specific reason what you think of as to what is going wrong, maybe there's some ideas/advice people have to improve your chances at finding a good guy.


I genuinely don't know what goes wrong. That's what upsets me.

I get this bit of interest and then it fades away. Men have crushes on me, they blush when I talk to them, they want my attention. Then one day they don't. Or things never progress.

I'm attractive, but not enough for some reason.



auntblabby
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23 Mar 2019, 9:41 pm

hurtloam wrote:
Map84 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ugh! I'm fooling myself. He's not interested.

No 0ne ever is.


I don't think that's possible, I think it can seem that way, but to the right person I'm sure you've lots to offer each other, it's just finding him that's the tough part.
Is there any specific reason what you think of as to what is going wrong, maybe there's some ideas/advice people have to improve your chances at finding a good guy.


I genuinely don't know what goes wrong. That's what upsets me.

I get this bit of interest and then it fades away. Men have crushes on me, they blush when I talk to them, they want my attention. Then one day they don't. Or things never progress.

I'm attractive, but not enough for some reason.

pardon me, but perhaps you need a change of scenery? :idea:



hurtloam
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23 Mar 2019, 9:49 pm

auntblabby wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Map84 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ugh! I'm fooling myself. He's not interested.

No 0ne ever is.


I don't think that's possible, I think it can seem that way, but to the right person I'm sure you've lots to offer each other, it's just finding him that's the tough part.
Is there any specific reason what you think of as to what is going wrong, maybe there's some ideas/advice people have to improve your chances at finding a good guy.


I genuinely don't know what goes wrong. That's what upsets me.

I get this bit of interest and then it fades away. Men have crushes on me, they blush when I talk to them, they want my attention. Then one day they don't. Or things never progress.

I'm attractive, but not enough for some reason.

pardon me, but perhaps you need a change of scenery? :idea:


I've actually moved around the country a lot. I'm now in a city. I love it here. There's more things to do, more people to meet.

I used to wonder if my nomadic ways put men off. I was meeting men who had lived in their home town their whole lives. I was possibly too much of a wanderer.

Here in the city there's more scope for the imagination. I don't need to move again. I haven't been here very long. About a year. I've met so many new people from all over the world.

This is one of the things I'm happy about in my life. I always wanted to live here and I was finally able to achieve it. :D



auntblabby
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23 Mar 2019, 10:00 pm

hurtloam wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Map84 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ugh! I'm fooling myself. He's not interested.

No 0ne ever is.


I don't think that's possible, I think it can seem that way, but to the right person I'm sure you've lots to offer each other, it's just finding him that's the tough part.
Is there any specific reason what you think of as to what is going wrong, maybe there's some ideas/advice people have to improve your chances at finding a good guy.


I genuinely don't know what goes wrong. That's what upsets me.

I get this bit of interest and then it fades away. Men have crushes on me, they blush when I talk to them, they want my attention. Then one day they don't. Or things never progress.

I'm attractive, but not enough for some reason.

pardon me, but perhaps you need a change of scenery? :idea:


I've actually moved around the country a lot. I'm now in a city. I love it here. There's more things to do, more people to meet.

I used to wonder if my nomadic ways put men off. I was meeting men who had lived in their home town their whole lives. I was possibly too much of a wanderer.

Here in the city there's more scope for the imagination. I don't need to move again. I haven't been here very long. About a year. I've met so many new people from all over the world.

This is one of the things I'm happy about in my life. I always wanted to live here and I was finally able to achieve it. :D

i'm glad to hear you're in the right place, it is like something outta that pet clark song "downtown." i suspect strongly that there is just one ingredient in insufficient supply [or in excess] that is keeping you in your present singleton situation, that if you just made one modest adjustment, things would avalanche in the direction you want. i prolly asked you this b4 but what do you think of matchmakers?



sly279
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24 Mar 2019, 1:31 am

hurtloam wrote:
Map84 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
Ugh! I'm fooling myself. He's not interested.

No 0ne ever is.


I don't think that's possible, I think it can seem that way, but to the right person I'm sure you've lots to offer each other, it's just finding him that's the tough part.
Is there any specific reason what you think of as to what is going wrong, maybe there's some ideas/advice people have to improve your chances at finding a good guy.


I genuinely don't know what goes wrong. That's what upsets me.

I get this bit of interest and then it fades away. Men have crushes on me, they blush when I talk to them, they want my attention. Then one day they don't. Or things never progress.

I'm attractive, but not enough for some reason.


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You have better luck then me. Women won’t even talk to me.


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Map84
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24 Mar 2019, 3:01 am

When you say the interest fades away at what point is that...for example when you're texting but haven't had a date or hug, or further down the line?


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24 Mar 2019, 3:54 am

hurtloam wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
I do that for a while, but every-so-often the loneliness hits me overwhelmingly.

Especially if I've been hanging out with someone I really like. I just feel ugly and not good enough.

It happens every single time. I'm never enough.

So what is your aversion with tinder and dating sites? The more people you expose yourself to, the more chances you'll have to find someone with whom you're compatible, and keeping your options open that way will help fend off oneitis. How often do you meet new guys anyway?


It's exhausting. I don't have the energy. It feels fake. I wish it had never been invented. I want a real relationship.

I could also end up dead in a ditch. You don't know who these people on tinder are.


So you've tried and noticed that it doesn't work for you? Online dating I mean.

I've actually considered it a little myself, if things don't work out at all with the guy I currently have my eyes on that is, even though it sounds like something that wouldn't work for me. I just feel like the friends first and let's go from there -approach is more comfortable and safer, while in dating sites I'd probably run mostly in to impatient guys who want a relationship right away without making an effort in knowing the other person and letting the other person to get to know them first. Or at least, that's what most of the people my friends have dealt with through those kinds of sites have been. But you know, I don't want to rule anything out completely.

But yeah, what I wanted to know is what makes online dating more exhausting than other kinds of dating?



hurtloam
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24 Mar 2019, 4:04 am

Online dating you have to basically interview a load of candidates before you find one you click with.

I don't have the energy for that.



hurtloam
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24 Mar 2019, 4:07 am

Map84 wrote:
When you say the interest fades away at what point is that...for example when you're texting but haven't had a date or hug, or further down the line?


It depends.

I don't do a lot of texting conversations. I talk to people in person. Though I have having texing conversations with this guy from time to time. That seems to have dropped off lately.

Things don't move on to, "do you want to be more than friends."