It's pointless.

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I felt like this very recently, I couldn't face another day, I have so many difficulties in my life, some unsolvable and devastating. I was even taking sleeping pills during the day just not to think. A friend persuaded me to go to therapy even though I can't really afford it and it's never helped me in the past. I found a great therapist who uses the AEDP method for complex PTSD in my case, and it is making life bearable and I have some fleeting moments even of joy. Sometimes we can't get through a burnout alone and I find it really hard to allow people to help me. Maybe a few sessions would help lift you up a little.

I can count the people I actually trust on one hand & most of them are conspicuously absent from my life lately. Most people I know would just have me locked in a box in mental hospital instead of talking to me about this.

I told them I'd be around but what if that's exactly where I'm unwanted? I've seen too many mixed messages to really care anymore. I'm thinking of leaving the state if I find a better job. No goodbyes. I don't get the impression I'd be missed if I died in five minutes in this parking garage.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

From personal experience the hollow void inside is not permanent. I think it is when it engulfs me but it passes. You are not to blame. Reach out to a friend if you can muster up the willingness.You have written about working really hard, maybe you are exhausted.

I guess my concern is that I've been concertedly ignored enough that my experience suggests I shouldn't bother. Most of the people who know me best are just gone. I'm not interested in burning bridges but it sure seems like everyone else was.

I'm being scammed by medical debt collectors so they can grow my balance without contacting me. I go to therapy but that's the last thing I trust, if I were honest about how I feel I would lose my career, all my money & be locked up for almost a month at least. I've been thinking about medical leave, I'm definitely overworked. I'll talk to HR soon about getting some vacation days, I'm losing my mind & my physical health simultaneously.

Other people's only measure of my well being is how much work I can do. Nothing else is quantifiable for them because it's the only thing anyone expects me to do. Every time I try to get closer to anyone I'm out of line.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

I understand your apprehension. Don't you trust your therapist to protect your privacy? Surely that's illegal not to mention unprofessional. This is all too much to deal with on your own. A vacation/ break is a must and as soon as poss.

You need to go on a spiritual journey. Go traveling. Recharge your batteries so you dont care what people think of you. Sorry if this doesnt help. I dont have a good attention span so I cant read this whole thread. I may skim through it later though.

I feel the same way about people. I dont trust anyone. All my old friends that I could trust dont have any interest in me anymore. People dont seem interested in me and I am lonely. It feels like life should be more than this. My instincts are telling me there should be more involving good people.

If people could post some introspective music of any kind here, I think it's needed.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos

Here's wishing I knew the right way to say thanks. I can rarely if ever grasp how to do that curtly.

Goodnight from my basement.

_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos