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QFT
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18 Feb 2021, 2:34 pm

magz wrote:
Not 100%.
Some are ace and some are gay.


What does the word "ace" mean?



cyberdad
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18 Feb 2021, 3:24 pm

QFT wrote:
magz wrote:
Not 100%.
Some are ace and some are gay.


What does the word "ace" mean?


cool/good



QFT
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18 Feb 2021, 3:59 pm

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
magz wrote:
Not 100%.
Some are ace and some are gay.


What does the word "ace" mean?


cool/good


How would this particular meaning fit into her sentence?



cyberdad
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18 Feb 2021, 5:59 pm

QFT wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
magz wrote:
Not 100%.
Some are ace and some are gay.


What does the word "ace" mean?


cool/good


How would this particular meaning fit into her sentence?


Probably best to ask Magz



kraftiekortie
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18 Feb 2021, 6:23 pm

An "Ace" is a person who is asexual



cyberdad
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18 Feb 2021, 6:26 pm

Oh ok, my bad



Rexi
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19 Feb 2021, 12:55 pm

QFT wrote:
Rexi wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
aquafelix wrote:
After dating a few selfish jerks they are see the appeal of a loyal, gentle and sensitive guy who will treat them better.


Translation: They will force themselves to lower their over-expectations

Why do you see this as "lower," rather than just "different" expectations? "Loyal, gentle and sensitive" are highly desirable traits, after all, at least for some of us.


It probably depends on the individual but 99% of women will not give a man a chance to be "loyal, gentle or sensitive" if the man is a) poor b) dressed like he's poor c) not physically attractive.

I guess it's good that 100% of the women on this site will.


I didn't know that! So does it mean I could have had 100% chance of getting a girlfriend IF ONLY I didn't decide to write all those stupid messages that probably turned everyone off? If only I knew that when I first came here ...

Those 'stupid messages' are probably the reason, yes. Not the fact you haven't ever hit on people.
Personally I don't date anymore, I keep my eggs in many baskets, or my basket in many eggs. One of those.
However, pull up, handsome. You sound like you're loads of fun. :heart:


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QFT
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19 Feb 2021, 4:31 pm

Rexi wrote:
Those 'stupid messages' are probably the reason, yes.


and

Rexi wrote:
However, pull up, handsome. You sound like you're loads of fun. :heart:


Sounds like a contradiction, unless you are suggesting I come back under a different user name.



cyberdad
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19 Feb 2021, 7:14 pm

QFT wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Those 'stupid messages' are probably the reason, yes.


and

Rexi wrote:
However, pull up, handsome. You sound like you're loads of fun. :heart:


Sounds like a contradiction, unless you are suggesting I come back under a different user name.


In my experience dating NT women always mean't tolerating ambiguity, Women I dated would say one thing but behave completely differently over time. For example a girl I was really interested in said she "loved me" and :had feelings for me" but kept putting off dates because she was booked out for a few months because she had "girls nights out" and was meeting "friends after work". If I waited for her how was I to know she wouldn't change how she felt? I was horny and young but she seemed to be completely oblivious to returning my feelings.



QFT
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19 Feb 2021, 7:32 pm

cyberdad wrote:
For example a girl I was really interested in said she "loved me" and :had feelings for me"


Did she say it on her own, or did she respond to what you said, in order to be polite?

cyberdad wrote:
but kept putting off dates because she was booked out for a few months because she had "girls nights out" and was meeting "friends after work".


Did you ask her why her friends were more important than the guy she supposedly loves?

cyberdad wrote:
If I waited for her how was I to know she wouldn't change how she felt?


So what did you do? Did you just end it yourself, or what happened?



cyberdad
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19 Feb 2021, 10:34 pm

QFT wrote:
Did she say it on her own, or did she respond to what you said, in order to be polite?

I actually don't the exact words but I recall we were sitting in my car looking at the ocean and she breathed in my ear and smiled and said "I love you" or something to that effect. Her breathing into my ear was more memorable than the words she used.

QFT wrote:
Did you ask her why her friends were more important than the guy she supposedly loves?

Her reasoning was that she made prior dates in her diary and she thought it would be rude to stand up her friends who were important to her. She thought I would understand but I immediately suspected she wanted to get second opinions about me from her friends

QFT wrote:
So what did you do? Did you just end it yourself, or what happened?

I ghosted her. I heard through a mutual friend she was asking around why I never called her back but she never made the effort to call me which is where we both left it.
My 20 something brain was flabbergasted that she could get me to feel love and then make me second fiddle. Hence why I said be prepared to get some ambiguous crap from young NT girls.



QFT
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19 Feb 2021, 11:38 pm

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
Did she say it on her own, or did she respond to what you said, in order to be polite?

I actually don't the exact words but I recall we were sitting in my car looking at the ocean and she breathed in my ear and smiled and said "I love you" or something to that effect. Her breathing into my ear was more memorable than the words she used.


I can totally see this. I miss this sort of thing.

cyberdad wrote:
She thought I would understand but I immediately suspected she wanted to get second opinions about me from her friends


This never occurred to me. I would have assumed that she was just using her friends as an excuse to flake. I guess your version of this sounds better. In my version she rejected me and is flaking. In your version she hasn't decided whether to reject you or not. In fact she is seriously considering being with you, as evident by her asking the opinion of her friends.

But I do see how asking friends opinion is also unfair. I remember I been rejected due to friends opinion, and I was pissed. Because this sort of thing implies that whoever is unpopular will be kept unpopular, which is a self perpetuating circle. And since, as it is, I am unpopular, then its like what am I supposed to do? I wish I had a chance to have a fresh start where I was evaluated for myself rather than popular opinion.

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
So what did you do? Did you just end it yourself, or what happened?

I ghosted her.


I thought you were saying she kept postponing it over and over. But now you are saying she just postponned it once and you ghosted?

cyberdad wrote:
I heard through a mutual friend she was asking around why I never called her back


So both you and her have some valuable resource that I don't have. Namely, I don't have an option of "asking around" about various people. No wonder I am so clueless. Could it be that my main problem is not just Asperger but lack of network?



cyberdad
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20 Feb 2021, 1:39 am

QFT wrote:
I remember I been rejected due to friends opinion, and I was pissed. Because this sort of thing implies that whoever is unpopular will be kept unpopular, which is a self perpetuating circle.

So both you and her have some valuable resource that I don't have. Namely, I don't have an option of "asking around" about various people. No wonder I am so clueless. Could it be that my main problem is not just Asperger but lack of network?


Unfortunately justice is only a theoretical concept when it comes to friendship. People aren't concerned about your welfare as its not their problem.

I myself have never had that many "close" friends and not since highschool. In my 20s and 30s I did have a lot of acquaintances (too many to count) but I

NT girls generally have a network and unfortunately the single ones have gatekeepers (sometimes known as cock-blockers) who interfere in blossoming relationships.

NT males had a boon with tinder and other apps which hookup with girls who often want one night stands. But a lot of NT couples have infact met on dating sites now. Have you considered using these?



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20 Feb 2021, 2:30 am

QFT wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Those 'stupid messages' are probably the reason, yes.


and

Rexi wrote:
However, pull up, handsome. You sound like you're loads of fun. :heart:


Sounds like a contradiction, unless you are suggesting I come back under a different user name.

You are correct it's an opposite. I have no idea about any stupid messages existing written by you and I'm positive it's nowhere close to mine. I admire the kind of messages ND men here are embarrassed about.

It's sarcam, the first one. It means the opposite. It means the messages are not actually the issue [because we would like the weirdness and what your call stupid], but having not hit on women here is the actual issue.


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Rexi
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20 Feb 2021, 2:37 am

cyberdad wrote:
QFT wrote:
Did she say it on her own, or did she respond to what you said, in order to be polite?

I actually don't the exact words but I recall we were sitting in my car looking at the ocean and she breathed in my ear and smiled and said "I love you" or something to that effect. Her breathing into my ear was more memorable than the words she used.

QFT wrote:
Did you ask her why her friends were more important than the guy she supposedly loves?

Her reasoning was that she made prior dates in her diary and she thought it would be rude to stand up her friends who were important to her. She thought I would understand but I immediately suspected she wanted to get second opinions about me from her friends

QFT wrote:
So what did you do? Did you just end it yourself, or what happened?

I ghosted her. I heard through a mutual friend she was asking around why I never called her back but she never made the effort to call me which is where we both left it.
My 20 something brain was flabbergasted that she could get me to feel love and then make me second fiddle. Hence why I said be prepared to get some ambiguous crap from young NT girls.

I had an ex much like you describe on the spectrum but I haven't actually ghosted her, no matter how much she deserved it. I can however understand the strangeness of her not even messaging you. After I broke up with her, after a while, mine added me on social media 3 times before I blocked her. Strange she'd never have time for me, not even once a week making a scandal when i asked for that which is half the minimum generally accepted couple interaction, but then after I left she suddenly wanted me.


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Rexi
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20 Feb 2021, 2:50 am

However if you want to point out one hypocrisy of mine, here's one:
I have talked about how sarcasm in text is difficult to detect, and yet I use it without specifications.

To be human means to be hypocritical. We sometimes do things we later complain about and the reverse of that.

Although I'm pretty constant in my decisions, I rather find it hard to change them. And I tend to be dedicated to a fault in relationships, even harming myself or going to extreme plans to make sure I'm there for the person, something which hasn't been very healthy for either of us, because I gave more and was taken for granted. That is the general pattern in my relationships.


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My Pepe Le Skunk. I have so much faith in our love for one another. Thanks for being an amazing partner. :heart: x :heart:

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