goldfish21 wrote:
Continue to work on yourself - improvement is a continuous process, not a goal. You don't get to a certain point in physical fitness, social skills, sense of style/fashion, skills competencies, sports/rec/hobby mastery etc and then just stop because you've "made it." There is no stopping. Sure, there can be ups and downs, but in general just keep doing the work to improve yourself, your appearance, your mental health and well being/mood and mindset etc.
I agree that self-improvement is a lifelong process, but when people cite self-improvement as a way to attract a partner, the implications are 1) you're not good enough as you are to attract a partner, and 2) working on reaching a certain undefined threshold of self-improvement will make you good enough to attract a partner.
On the self-improvement thing, I had a good idea the other day. I'm going to get a whiteboard to stick on my fridge and write down a list of goals, and make a conscious effort to spend time doing at least one thing towards one of those goals everyday.
goldfish21 wrote:
Also, improve that other thing. I'm glad you acknowledged it as a constraint that needs to be improved. Work on improving your chances of meeting women - even just for conversation or eventual friends - better yet for a date, but take what interactions you can get for what they're worth as they can all be of value.
I'm trying, but I don't know many places I can venture to that would put me in contact with eligible women where I'm not going with the sole purpose of meeting women (ie going to a group centred around something I have no interest in just because there are a lot of women there). I've tried going to some boardgame meetups, and while there were a few women there, I haven't met anyone who seems like a good dating prospect.
It seems like the best opportunity I have at the moment is the trivia nights I do, but there are very few women in the right age group. Somebody has caught my eye at one of the venues, but I'm not getting signals of reciprocated interest from her.
Quote:
I heard a little blurb on the radio one day from a caller that called in a talked about why it's so hard for adults to make friends vs. children.. and it seemed so simple and obvious, but also probably very true for almost everyone. He said the reason adults (everyone! NT's, too.) have great difficulty making friends is because they don't go to the same place with the same people every day like school aged children do. School aged children go to.. school, where they're around the same group of people 5 days a week for years. They get to know each other and then typically form several to many friendships during their time there. He suggested that the best thing an adult could do to expand their social circle and make more friends is to become a regular somewhere. Hangout at the same place around the same people during the same times long enough and eventually people start talking and getting to know each other and they make friends - sometimes lots of them.
I've encountered similar information before, and it's good advice. I just don't know how to apply it.
Other than my all-male day job workplace, trivia is really the only place where I see a lot of the same people every week. I wish more women my age showed up, because I have an opportunity to put a good side of myself on display, reading out questions and cracking jokes.
goldfish21 wrote:
Sure, your life and social skills and spot on the ASD spectrum are going to differ from mine, but, proof is in the pudding.. work on improving all of these things And become a regular at a place around other adults and eventually you get to talking to them and get to know 'em and they get to know you and you end up forming friendships. Gotta pick a place that's suitable to hangout and just start hanging out there. Maybe it's a beach or park, maybe it's a pub (although you're guaranteed to befriend alcoholics that way.) maybe it's a community centre/gym, could be a cafe, or a library ? a hobby shop (probably mostly male dominated, though - best to choose somewhere co-ed for your purposes.), or maybe a little tourist destination type place where you get to know all the staff at all the shops, or church if that's your thing.. anywhere where people tend to gather And they're you're kind of people with a shared interest - usually in the place and/or it's function. But pick a place and start showing up and eventually you'll get to know people and form friendships and meet women who are potential dates or partners. Can't just pop by once and expect to make instant friends or pick up a date - that's very, very, rare and can often backfire on guys as being creepy, sleazy, or off putting pick up artists.. whereas regulars at a place who get to know people are then sorta "on the roster," for a potential date kind of thing, and dating Does tend to happen within communities. It certainly does at the beach, and at pubs, and at gyms, and in churches.. so, now one of the things on your list is to find a place & people to be around regularly. And if the first place you think of clearly isn't your vibe, try another one, rinse and repeat until you find the right one for yourself. IMO better to be around healthy active vibrant people as so many behaviours are "socially contagious." If you hangout at a gym/community centre, you'll likely workout, do some classes, go for a swim and eat healthy food. If you hangout at a pub you'll probably end up drinking too much. If you hangout at a donut shop chances are you'll eat too many donuts. etc. So, choose wisely.. someplace of interest And benefit where both males and females spend their time.
You're right, finding a hangout or activity to congregate with others around is a good idea. The challenge is finding something that attracts single women in my age range that is also interesting enough that I'm getting something out of going whether or not I meet someone. It would also greatly help if it is something that is socially acceptable to show up alone to.
17 Aug 2022, 3:10 pm
for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
