so, it sounds like you've got a waiting period for something that is out of your control, and there is nothing you can do about the outcome. as tom petty sang, "the waiting is the hardest part". i can imagine the torment your mind and body is experiencing and i'm sorry you have to go through it. i was thinking though, what you can control, however, is time segments until that point. one of my kids said that one way they practice being present is by imagining one of those old timey director's clapboards to make himself be present in a moment, with the words HERE instead of cut. can you construct a mind trick like that for yourself? also, you can control the time segments while you wait with things that you can look forward to. can you: schedule out messages to send to yourself for the next 8 weeks? order small cheap things to be sent to you along the way as time markers? plan each week with a "reward" for yourself so you can make it to each weekend to earn that "reward"? i imagine that it may be even more wearying to manage those items, too, and then to also anticipate those things with the same intensity as the BIG thing you are waiting for. regardless, i am glad you are able to post here, and know that we understand...