scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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2/10

I'm single, I don't have many friends and I've never had a real job.

7/10

Long day, but I'm home now. Gong to register for a math class during the short winter semester so I can keep my options open if I decide to major in math.

-7 I feel like I have to survive and and torturing myself to try to not let anything break me.

-2.
Be higher if my net was better and I was not so sad.

+6.25

Since I returned to work last week, there've been a rather bizarre series of fire drills. Last Monday I got tasked with needing to scrub some docs for certain "banned" terms, and had to the end of the week to track down and eliminate or document them as "false positive" hits for the yokels that were complaining about them; got it done in two days. But just as I finished, we got hit with this other fire drill request to get a bunch of other documentation ported over for handoff to some external project my company is partnering with. It needed to be done by Monday (today), and they only figured out that they needed to tell us about it last Wednesday. We're talking ~6000 pages of documentation to scrub and port. I was at the downstream end of this process, and only just finished my final scrub a little while ago; my head feels a bit thick. But, I got it done, and in a good way. I cranked up the music (conspicuously leaving my office door open), and plowed through it in laser focus mode.

One of my co-worker friends referred to me as "Superman" after I finished. Which brought an odd thought to my mind; when she did that, I looked at her very seriously and said a line from a Three Doors Down song: "If I go crazy will you still call me Superman?" Without so much as a pause, she responded, "If you're alive and well, I'll be here holding your hand." And she gave me a little hand-squeeze; I thought that was very cool; she never fails to astonish me with how fleet of wit she is. And then she added, "Besides, you are crazy, aren't you? And I'm still here, aren't I?"

This past weekend, I converted a mostly empty and unused loft at the top of my cabin to a computer den / library; that's where I am now, and I like it up here; I have the computer desk setup so that I look out the window, and I often see deer and the occasional coyote or two running around out there (and no humans!). I’m keen on getting the rest of my place decked out.

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=C7DXc4zAeRE[/youtube]Good fortune,

- Icarus can be knocked down, but never broken...

5.

Right now I have a strange mix of feelings inside me.

I am feeling sad and down...everytime I think of what has happened recently...
I always end up crying...
I am in denial, I am also angry to a certain extent (not at anybody in particular but maybe at the fact that something like this is let to happen in this world), shocked, sad, confused, crying...
I haven't had the chance to really get to know her...and I won't be able to have a chance anymore...
And this is just really really sad....
I'm confused and overwhelmed I don't know what I'm saying right now......

I don't know the number. I'm hormonal, every muscle in my body hurts, I feel sick, 5 minutes ago I was in tears and my thoughts would suggest around -8 (loneliness and stress), but emotion-wise I'm not really feeling much of anything.

Something ranging from -7/5
Tough to cope though. But it ain't going to last as long as the thing with my ex did... who - bloody hell lol - I finally don't hate anymore.

-10

Still feel like I should be dead and gone.

2.
Had mother here for the day.
Tried to get landlord stuff sorted. He now has decided he might not even be having the apartment at the back as an apartment anymore so I am ultra annoyed as it was promised me.
On the plus side she has said me and my bf can stay with her in london next month for a night.

4.22

I'm am glad Halloween is tommorow & I found a wig just today.
It fits perfectly.

HAPPY SAMHAIN ALL

5. A lot better than last night, but my muscles, joints and head still ache.
Oh well.