scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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Ok Icarus, I won't say anything about your long posts anymore (even though that last thing I said didn't mention any names) but you can't make me read them!
Anyway, right now I'm like, low, like -3, at best.
Was at my friend's house today, now I'm having dirty thoughts about his 7 year old cousin . . .
Need to play Oblivion now so I won't think about her anymore.

Fair deal. It sounds like we have a non-aggression pact then. Skip my posts if it suits you; many do so, I'm sure. For all my jesting of my life being an "epic adventure", my hyperverbose writings are really just a form of therapy; I know I blah blah blah way too much, but it helps me feel better, and keep control. That my writings are in fact typically mundane is a subtle sign of improvement on my own part; once upon a time my ravings were very much darker, much more violent... In any case, what I do here is a simple matter of catharsis via writing (in me, repressed creative energies make me unstable), and socializing with my fellow weirdoes and maniacs, both of which help me find balance. Is this not also similarly true of you?

Ironically, NIN's "The Becoming" is playing on my jukebox right now. "It won't give up; it wants me dead! Goddamn this noise inside my head!" Interesting...

In any case, for my own part, I'll continue to read your posts, and to wish you well in your struggles. Anyone with the gall to name himself after one of the Outer Gods has got to have some interesting potential.

Dash ye well to the top of yonder gate tower, and slam dunk that sigil stone! (Haha, my mansion in Skingrad had a couple-dozen of the damn things rolling around in the top floor bedroom at one point. Though item physics was so poorly done in Oblivion that it really robbed me of a lot of my collecting enjoyment; it's nearly impossible to arrange items, and if you so much as bump them they go flying. Still, good game...)

No number yet today; just had my first sip of coffee; I need to write a couple of technical overviews, and get crackin' on some SP1 reference work...

Good fortune,

- Icarus is a collector...

About 2 right now but I'm worried that soon maybe I'll hit -8 because of lack of academic work getting done... and I might even be starting to put on some slight weight...

Jesus, man! You're awesome. I would have loved to see the look on those kids' faces; people act like as*holes way too much anymore, it's refreshing to hear that you put them in their place.

Love the gun, by the way. What is that, like a tactical shotgun?

Er, well, I think I was more lucky than anything; the gods tend to let me get away with a lot more than I should (but they do make me pay in other ways); I honestly believe in the old saying, "Fortune favours the bold." My temper was ruling me at that moment, and my stance was probably not a very wise one. I was seriously prepared to start wailing, but had that happened, win or lose I'd probably either be in jail now, or on the run from the police. It's more like being a bit crazy, a bit impulsive, and a bit fed-up. And in all honesty, I've never done anything like that before (er, well, maybe once when someone nearly knocked me off my motorcycle with their stupid driving). It was a strange moment; I was on a bit of a passion high from talking to Grace, felt ready and able to conquer the world, and then someone who needed a little conquering happened to step into my path. I can't even claim any real bravery on my part; as I mentioned, I did not perceive them as threat. In retrospect... I'm really not sure if I'd have done anything differently; I don't like to be beholden to regrets. To me, everything that happens, happens for a reason; my job is to pull lessons out of it all with which I might better myself.

Yes, you're right on; the gun is an F/N TPS, which is a rather vanilla acronym for "tactical police shotgun". It's got a custom heat-shield on the barrel, and I'm planning on slapping a C-More site on it in the not too distant future.

Anyway, a solid +6.5 right now. I enjoyed spending most of the day doing exploratory programming, and I have my weekly AD&D game in about 50 minutes, plus some yummy pizza from Jet City...

Good fortune,

- Icarus has a tattoo on his forehead that says, "Don't try this at home!"

I think we all have moments like that when we disregard common sense and just act on raw impulse, there's a couple of occasions where I could have gotten my ass kicked or arrested had the situation been any different. But usually I'm thankful that things have worked out as well as they have.

The shotgun is pretty awesome, I've always been interested in firearms since I was young, though I live in New Jersey so the notion of me actually owning one is pretty unrealistic (though I got to shoot them at a range in AZ, which was a thrill). I'm partial to revolvers myself, there is something solid and dependable about them that I find appealing. That article is interesting, especially the similarities between the F/N TPS and the M4 carbine.

I say 7/10. Tomorrow's Friday, and tonight I'm having pasta (though the dog may be throwing up, so the number could lower in the near future).

-10

About 8.

I'm at 4. Depressed only about my life circumstances, not about my inner circumstances, thanfully!

I'm the other way around. Still don't know about a number. I have a lot of things that make me happy, in my life. And some things that make me sad. But there's an underlying something else that's... a problem. I guess.

AnonymousAnonymous, you made me smile with your comment yesterday. No small feat. I had to run and forgot to tell you at the time.

You know I'm taken though. ^_~

---

And for the rest of you... it just helps to know that other people feel kind of like I do.

Do you ever feel like you can't really tell anybody how you feel, because you know nobody can help you and you'll just bring people down by talking about it? Or confuse them... or make them want to put you away. Either road, it's a vicious cycle, isn't it?

To me, that feels like a standard AS experience - not only that you're not that great at talking about emotions while growing up, but also that no one can relate to you. I guess it doesn't help having a dad that probably has AS who thinks he's like an NT, not aware of his traits, one who I've never really been able to communicate with. I'm a little surprised that my dad at age 59 still doesn't seem to realize when me and others aren't interested in what he's talking about, while I've adopted a schizoid mentality myself, quite aware that there are no grounds for communication anyway.

5. Ok, but kind of confused about some stuff.

4. Sooo tired

9. The anticipation is killing me!

-2.
Dead tired due to work.
Not having a good evening because of this party i have to go to. (I'd enjoy the party if my friends could come with me and i wouldn't be so tired.)

-9

just learned about the passing of starbuline