Rants

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I'm sorry to hear it was so bad for you, and that your daughter wasn't well. I hope she's better now. You seem to have been a very devoted and loving mum despite all the loneliness you experienced, and the fear that you felt. I know your husband worked, but I was pointing out that he did love you and your daughter regardless, and you had his support emotionally. When he came from work you had someone to talk to, and someone who cared equally about your future as well as your daughter's.

It seems we do have a bit in common because I had the same fears and insecurities. My husband left us when my daughter was six months old. I was raising two babies by myself with no friends or family. I had no choice but to end my maternity leave and go back to work full-time out of the house, which meant getting up at 4 a.m. to shuffle them to two different daycare facilities, work a full day, and get home about 7 pm after collecting them. My ex didn't help at all, and in fact he sued us for the kids' house and to avoid paying any support. My legal fees for two years of litigation were 10x my yearly salary. My daughter was very sick as well but I couldn't stay home to care for her, even when she was in hospital in critical condition at 15 months old. If I lost or quit my job, I would have lost custody. Any potential friends I could have made at work viewed me as a freak for having so many responsibilities and problems at my young age. They scattered like dust.

This is why I'm saying you were lucky to have the love of your husband. I know it's awful not having friends and I craved them too. It's awful feeling like a pariah in your own neighbourhood or feeling alienated from other mothers and fathers at the park or in parenting groups. Parenting is such a difficult job, and even more so as autistic parents without a support circle. I wish WP had been around back then so the two of us could have talked. I wish I could have been your friend!

I'm sorry you had that situation, it sounds almost impossible to cope with. I'm glad you made it through. And it makes me angry when fathers do that to their children. What on earth are they thinking? People can be unbelievably selfish.

It would indeed have been nice to have WP back then and had some support. The internet was very new when my daughter was little and it didn't work very well.

For the benefit of the inevitable critics and judges out there:
I don't want to list the other problems I had and I am not going to feel guilty for having fewer problems than one person, and more problems than someone else. We all have different problems and it is not a competition.

Thanks, KitLily.
I've wanted to PM you a few times about parenting but I see your messaging is off.
Please know I'm here if you ever want to talk about your stressors.
I bet you can't wait until you move out of that village, back to your safe space!




So well put!! ^
We all have very different problems, different strengths, and different experiences.
I think you've done a wonderful job coping with social judgement and rising above it.
You've given us some great advice about how to persevere.

I didn't know my messaging was off, but I generally prefer things to be said in public. I've had so many horrible experiences with people in private messages (often because I've said the wrong thing) that I don't do private messages.

You are so kind, Isabella. We can support each other. I get so much judgement e.g. 'oh well if you chose to stay at home as a mother...' Nope. It was decided for me by job situations and my bad health. 'if you've got enough money for one parent to stay at home...' Nope. See my previous answer.

I'm sure you know what being judged as a mother is like, we are supposed to be perfect aren't we!

Oh I hope I'm going back to my safe space...at least I will know the town and where to go for help or leisure. And it's 4x the size of my village so there will be more to do.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow because my body is still actively trying to destroy itself and now I might have a hernia. Over literally nothing. I just carefully moved a bin like an inch last week at work and my abdomen decided that just wasn't allowed. I thought it was a pulled muscle until it started progressively hurting more and I noticed that I can feel a bulge that wasn't there before, and is also getting more noticeable. I'm genuinely so stressed out that no matter how careful I am I just constantly get injured or sick. Possibly having a hernia is extra f****d up and probably one of the worst things to happen to me injury wise so far.

I hope there can be a quick treatment for you.

Yes at your age, Hero, I wouldn't expect someone to get a hernia.

Good luck and I hope you can get good treatment for it.

Net migration to the UK is now at a record high so what exactly was the point of us coming out of the EU? All it's done is help screw up the economy.

UK net migration hit 504,000 in the year to June - the highest figure ever recorded, The Office for National Statistics (ONS) estimates.

The rise is driven by people arriving legally from outside the EU and the resumption of post-pandemic travel.

Reception of Afghan and Ukrainian refugees and people from Hong Kong are other factors.

The government has promised to cut net migration - the difference between the numbers entering and leaving the UK.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63743259

This government are bloody useless

actors and liars at the highest posts, victoria nuland or christine lagarde
Ukraine : le cabinet des horreurs de Victoria Nuland https://solidariteetprogres.fr/actualit ... toria.html

christine l; atlantic counsel.... sure a way to great succes; or Global Citizenship Award de l’Atlantic Council, Membre du Board of Trustees (conseil d’administration) du Forum économique mondial (wef) Globalist of the Year Award du Conseil international du Canada (https://www.ecb.europa.eu/ecb/orga/deci ... de.fr.html)

I agree with you.

But of course people will tell you that they voted to leave the EU because of the farmers and fisherman, and because of sovereignty. So presumably those factors have made it worth it.

Yeah right.

Migration is not the issue. They are being used as a scapegoat. I f*****g hate this daily mail fear mongering some of the British public have bought into about migrants.

Let's send them all back and block others from getting in and see how you all cope with the lack of Drs and nurses.

Question the reduced funding the NHS receives, and the millions the MPs and their friends gain.

Yes it's pure racism isn't it. Which is what I suspect made certain people vote to leave the EU. I was told recently that all British problems are caused by Afghan refugees who have lots of children coming over here and taking up all our houses. I am running out of words to say to that type of Brit.

^ f*****g hell! Is that what they're spewing these days then?!

Like Will Self said on question time (paraphrasing, as I can't find the quote):

Not everyone who voted for Brexit is a racist, but everyone who is a racist voted for Brexit.

Yes, they are saying those sorts of things:

The problems in Britain are caused by:
--The vast numbers of refugees coming in. The refugees don't want to work but live on benefits. Or the refugees are taking all our jobs. They seem to be doing both simultaneously.
--All this wokeism. But they can't explain what 'woke' means.

And apparently the NHS was set up to help poor people, not everyone, so we don't need it now.

The nonsense they spout!

^ Haha, people are poorer than ever so the NHS is needed more than ever in that case?

Exactly! They are making no sense! They are using that excuse to explain why the NHS is going down the drain and we are moving to private health care. Because apparently people can afford private healthcare now? WTF.

And the 'I don't go along with all this PC and Woke nonsense' brigade.

"Political Correctness" is treating other people with respect. "Woke" is being awakened to the needs of others and not just your own.

^People who don't like those things are outing themselves as self centred at the very least! Grrr.