Rants

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I don't know what I expected or why I thought I'd get a different response, but now I feel sick to my stomach and am dissociating because I am relaying how much of a POS I can be. I feel like I am f*****g insane and will continue to devolve into old behaviours if I don't address it.

I've been eating more like I've been needing to for awhile, but I'm honestly scared to gain weight, and even though I'm still at a calorie deficit my brain wants me to start engaging in restrictive and purging behaviours to avoid that. I've been trying to resist the urge to make myself puke every time I eat for the past few days, and have been drinking a bunch of caffeine to kill my appetite and knowingly skipping meals. I'm actually getting increasingly pissed off over it because it's stupid that I can't f*****g eat a proper amount without my brain ruining that and trying to get me to hurt myself.

Feeling afraid of discussing any political matters on WP in case I get mistaken for being a racist and then unexpectedly getting another warning from the mods just because someone may have took something in my post the wrong way. I've already had two warnings so I believe the third warning leads to a permanent ban. I can't face that sort of rejection, as coming to WP is something I've been doing regularly for 13 years and I can't seem to get used to other similar chat forums. I like the layout of this one. It's easy to navigate and the familiarity of it serves comfort to me.

^ Correct.
There is no cast-in-stone "three strikes and you're out" ruling.

Joe, if you're uncertain of how your commentary may be received on any given topic you can either consider it carefully and maybe rephrase before posting, or simply not post at all.
There's no shame in not commenting, after all.

I feel so gross. I need to take a shower, but I cannot find the motivation to deal with the effort it takes and the sensory experience of doing it. I also honestly don't feel like I deserve to take care of myself properly, so I'm finding it hard to fully care that I feel physically uncomfortable from it.

I just had a shower. It's going to take about 12 hours for my skin and scalp to stop feeling like it's been burnt or rubbed with sandpaper even though I've applied about 5 coats of body oil and lotion. I don't even use soap on my skin but it's that bad afterward. I hate it so much. I'd happily go forever without bathing to avoid skin pain, if possible.

I cut up one of my arms and my chest, and now I'm going to have to wear long sleeves for awhile which I f*****g hate. It's going to suck even more because it's always hot where I work. I love being an incredibly impulsive idiot. /s

My friend and my aunt "jokingly" called me selfish for staying home tomorrow and it actually upset me + made me feel guilty, which just ruined the idea of staying home and now I am debating just going to work anyways. I just wanted to not be super f*****g stressed out on my birthday for 8-9 hours straight, but I'm going to be stressed out anyways now and feel ashamed.

Bloody NHS app suddenly won't let me order my repeat prescription online and I've only got 4 days til my Sertraline runs out. So now I have to phone the surgery, which I hate doing.

Recidivist and I are having issues with size again.
We seem to have found the right position though.

Today a lot attendant, R______, had the nerve to loiter in the break room from 2:30 to 4pm. Paranoid that if I tattle on him, he will take out revenge on me. Otherwise maybe he can get away with it because he is having sex with the boss. Just like tattletale tom.

Tattletale tom was on the phone (which is not allowed) and he had the nerve to bother me about the garbage even though I was already pushing four carts. That ass hole needs to worry more about himself and less about other slaves

Rude boy customer had the nerve to laugh at me for struggling to lift a vanity

Missed a phone call

huckabee sanders blatantly positioning herself to be POTUS in tonight's GOP Rebuttal speech.